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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry with DH? AIBU.

241 replies

OverThinker0507 · 11/10/2019 00:54

We are supposed to be going away for the weekend tomorrow with our DC’s (primary aged). We have a 180 mile trip at 10am tomorrow. He told me he was going out for a meal and a few drinks for his friends birthday - which is fine - I waved them off at 7 this evening. It’s now approaching 1am and he isn’t home - he has decided to drink until the pubs close. He doesn’t go out often with friends , yet when he does he always takes it too far (drinks wise) - as in coming home very very drunk.

He will be home shortly and he will most likely just collapse on the sofa - but my point is he will still be over the limit tomorrow which isn’t safe for anyone. I’m furious as we are supposed to be going away with extended family also in the morning.

Please tell me how to handle this situation.

OP posts:
Monkeyseesmonkeydoes · 11/10/2019 08:38

And this isn't about whether he'll get 'caught' out by the police - unlikely unless he drives like an idiot. This is about him being UNSAFE to drive the car today - there's a reason we have drink/drive rules.

Mrscog · 11/10/2019 08:38

I wouldn't be annoyed about the late finish, but I would be annoyed about not being able to curtail the drinking -3-4 drinks earlier on over dinner, then stay out with friends but switch to soft drinks etc. is what a responsible considerate adult would do in this sort of situation.

MerryMarigold · 11/10/2019 08:40

I have a feeling OP thinks her DH is fine too drive her, her kids and his mum. That's why she's not annoyed anymore. Hope you're all alive by the end of the day, OP.

Oldbutstillgotit · 11/10/2019 08:41

@QualCheckBot totally agree with you .
Just because some people have a 200 mile daily commute and work a 12 hour day doesn’t mean that everyone is happy or confident enough to drive 180 !
My exh used to pull shit like this . Note - ex.

Blondebakingmumma · 11/10/2019 08:41

Its all perspective

1am is not late to me. I may be annoyed if hubby rocked up at 3am blind drunk

10am is not early, I think getting home at 1 and going to bed there is plenty of time for sleep and a strong black coffee in the morning would do the trick 🤷‍♀️

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 11/10/2019 08:41

It is scary how many people don’t realise how long it takes for alcohol to be metabolised.
He has consumed close to the weekly allowance for a man in 6 hours.

The morning after calculator shows that if he was drinking 4% Fosters he wouldn’t be safe to drive for 17.5 hours after he finished drinking.

Juells · 11/10/2019 08:45

I am not insured as I have 6 points on my licence for speeding

Haha I didn't like to ask if that was the case - my younger daughter isn't insured on her partner's car because of points on her licence as well.

Something that is being ignored in this thread is the smell of alcohol in the car on a long journey, even if he's a passenger. An ex bf was an alcoholic and the alcohol seemed to ooze out of his pores the following day, I'd have hated a long drive in an enclosed space with him.

Like others, I don't believe a word of the '7 pints'. That's what he's admitting to.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 11/10/2019 08:47

BlondBakingMumma

Coffee does not help you break down alcohol. All you do is get someone who is wide awake and over the limit rather than sleepy and over the limit.

At 10am, after 7 pints, the OP’s DH will still be over the drink drive limit. Depending on the strength of the beer he drank. He could still be over the limit in the late afternoon.

diddl · 11/10/2019 08:49

"I wouldn't be annoyed about the late finish, but I would be annoyed about not being able to curtail the drinking "

Yup!

ineedaholidaynow · 11/10/2019 08:50

One of the most concerning things on this thread is how many people think he will be ok to drive this morning.

Do these people regularly drive in the morning after having a heavy drinking session the night before?

53rdWay · 11/10/2019 08:51

I think getting home at 1 and going to bed there is plenty of time for sleep and a strong black coffee in the morning would do the trick

No it wouldn’t. He will still be over the limit. That’s not a matter of perspective, it’s just how alcohol works.

You can get those little home breathalysers quite cheap if you ever want to test this for yourself.

NearlyGranny · 11/10/2019 08:55

If he drives and he's breathalysed, that will be two of you who can't drive the car. Do check tail lights, indicators, headlights and clean the numberplate to avoid common causes of bring pulled over.

Take insurance docs so you can ring a put his DM on his policy if need be.

He is putting four people he loves at unnecessary risk today.

MyMumIsADimensionJumper · 11/10/2019 08:56

Please don't listen to people telling him you'll be fine. If he's not over the limit - which I doubt - he'll probably still feel shit after 7 pints and won't be capable of a long journey. He could have stayed at to celebrate and not got drunk, but he didnt clearly have the balls to stand up to his mates.

Drive yourself, or maybe just cancel as you can say you're not insured. The blame will then lay at his door and might make him consider his actions if he is letting family down.

Youngatheart00 · 11/10/2019 08:56

I still think it’s worth a call to the insurer. 6 points isn’t the end of the world to insure a driver on a family car for the weekend.

FelixFelicis6 · 11/10/2019 08:57

You’re not actually going to let him drive if you can’t, are you? He would be dangerously over the limit and put your lives at risk. It’s not something some water and paracetamol can fix.

Monkeyseesmonkeydoes · 11/10/2019 08:57

And a bloke getting up and saying ' I feel fine, I'm good to drive' doesn't mean he is actually okay to drive by the way - it's not about how he 'feels' ( which he';ll be lying about anyway as he's in the doghouse) it's about the science behind how long it takes your body to recover from alcohol so that you're ready to drive safely again...

Blondebakingmumma · 11/10/2019 08:57

I have NOT suggested that the hubby drive if you read my posts

Blondebakingmumma · 11/10/2019 08:58

I meant that going to bed at 1 a strong black coffee and he can still go on the trip. OP will need to drive

Bluntness100 · 11/10/2019 08:59

Oh for goodness sake he won't be remotely over the limit at ten am.

"Dangerously over the limit" 😂

53rdWay · 11/10/2019 09:02

he won't be remotely over the limit at ten am.

Yes, he really really will.

MerryMarigold · 11/10/2019 09:02

Blonde, that wasn't clear at all. I don't think anybody is suggesting he shouldn't go just because he's hungover. He's not over the limit to sit in a passenger seat!

MerryMarigold · 11/10/2019 09:03

Bluntness100, and climate change is all a conspiracy.

MyMumIsADimensionJumper · 11/10/2019 09:04

I also live in an area where the local newspaper names and shames drink drivers (not that I agree with that), the local press would have a field day with a drink driver in the car with his kids driving a lengthy journey. It's not like you're going a mile up the road while over the limit (which is still a shitty thing to do), but you'll no doubt be driving at 60mph+ at some point.

FwIW in my young and stupid days my ex used to be like this and frequently drived the morning after. I look back and realise what a dick I was for getting in the car with him (and any of his other friends who were driving). To have your kids in the car though I would definitely say no, no, no. They don't get to decide who drives do they?

QualCheckBot · 11/10/2019 09:05

Bluntness Oh for goodness sake he won't be remotely over the limit at ten am.

Its 2019, and all the publicity about the dangers of driving still drunk after drinking the night before has passed you by.

I hope you don't live anywhere near me!

QualCheckBot · 11/10/2019 09:08

MyMumis I also live in an area where the local newspaper names and shames drink drivers (not that I agree with that)

Why not? My neighbour is a convicted and banned drunk driver, and we only found out from the local newspaper. I'm pretty sure the likelihood of being spotted driving by us and reported to the police is a big deterrent to them driving again and flouting their ban. Particularly as the newspaper report also contained the length of ban, and we all know that anything over a year generally means they have been banned for drink driving at least once before.