To be angry with DH? AIBU.

[OverThinker0507]

We are supposed to be going away for the weekend tomorrow with our DC’s (primary aged). We have a 180 mile trip at 10am tomorrow. He told me he was going out for a meal and a few drinks for his friends birthday - which is fine - I waved them off at 7 this evening. It’s now approaching 1am and he isn’t home - he has decided to drink until the pubs close. He doesn’t go out often with friends , yet when he does he always takes it too far (drinks wise) - as in coming home very very drunk.

He will be home shortly and he will most likely just collapse on the sofa - but my point is he will still be over the limit tomorrow which isn’t safe for anyone. I’m furious as we are supposed to be going away with extended family also in the morning.

Please tell me how to handle this situation.

Gosh there are a lot of people on here who must have been driving over the limit the day after drinking. Please don’t let him drive tomorrow morning OP, a few hours of sleep and some coffee really won’t zap all alcohol from the system.

Anyway, he’s a prat to have got that drink when he’s planned to drive tomorrow. It’s also a bit worrying that you think the problem lies with you always turning it into an argument. Does he do this sort of thing often? What sort of arguments do you have?

Queenoftheday Do you really think 180 miles is to far for one person to drive ? How do you think food,clothes and other goods are delivered ?

And he goes “it was my friends birthday, no one else has gone home to this”.

Firstly...how would he know what he friend's go home too.

Secondly....have any of them committed to going away for a family weekend and are now so intoxicated that they are causing added stress for their partner who has to sort out insurance JUST because they couldn't control their drinking.

You said he doesn't go out very often and it was his friends bday. He was home by 1am, hardly that late and your not even leaving till 10am which really isn't that early. I'd just give him a break, eye roll and drive. He'll prob be fine to drive the second half.

I'm astonished there are so many people on this post defending the OP's DH!

It always happens. Apparently men arent supposed to think ahead to what they are doing the next day and adjust their alcohol consumption accordingly.

How is he this morning?

180 miles is a long way for one person to drive alone anyway is it not?

🤣🤣

It really isn’t.

Grimbles I agree - and also shows how deeply ingrained excessive alcohol consumption is on our country. It seems perfectly acceptable to me that a - presumably at least - 30 year old man could have say 4 pints and still have a good evening with his mates, happy in the knowledge he won't mess up a weekend away. Can't see this scenario playing out in many other European countries as it has done here.

180 miles - not that far for one person. On a busy and long distance day I easily drive 120 just for work.

Don't feel guilty about having a go at him - actions have consequences - his means he has ruined things for you, he needs to realise this. Being mean I would also make sure that he was sitting next to a chatty member of the family for the whole journey, and maybe play nursery rhymes or similar on a loop.

And you DH has an alcohol problem, if he can't drink in moderation.

I’m 50/50 here. I’d see how he is this morning. Coffee and a good breakfast, set off by midday. Don’t let it spoil the weekend.

The problem with these is the women always seems unreasonable for pointing out that there is a presumably agreed trip tomorrow they need to do

He will be over the limit and not in a fit state to drive 180 miles at all (which is fine for one person to drive)

It really isn’t.

I'd have thought nothing of it when I did 300 mile drives regularly, but since I'm out of the habit now 180 mile drives aren't something I look forward to.

A long drive with children, MiL and a sourpuss reeking of alcohol is any girl's dream 😂

Ok things that are not an issue here

• going out for a friends burthday
• staying out til 1am

Things that ARE

• drinking so much you are unsafe to drive the following morning when you have plans other people are depending on

And NO it’s not ok just because the other people are your family, ie the people who should be able to rely on you the most. Would it be ok if it was work at 10am? If you make a commitment you make sure you’re able to fulfil it

And I am shocked st the number of people saying it’s ok to drive at 10 after 7 pints. It most definitely is not ok, especially as an occasional drinker. Please read the link about alcohol absorption posted earlier and educate yourself before you or someone close to you at best lose your license or at worst injure or kill someone

The biggest majority of arrests for drink driving are people the next morning who think it’s ok.

OP can you take you abd your kids in your own car and let him explain to his mother why he can’t take her this morning?

Not ok at all, he's an adult as well and guess what, occasionally that means you have to cut back on the fun to fulfill your obligations .

So not only he's rendered himself unable to drive (which he agreed to), he'll also probably not help with packing, wrangling kids etc.

But yeah, poor ickle man, don't even think about making him feel bad about himself and the impact on you.

7 pints is a lot for anyone and it’s madness if you have to drive the next day. He’s a selfish prick.

I don't get why celebrating a birthday has to automatically mean 'get shitfaced.' Are people so devoid of self control that they can't just go for a few drinks whilst still enjoying the evening? Can people not skip a round or just take it easy when they know they have a family commitment the next day?

If there was no trip planned I wouldn't care and would happily let my DH sleep off a hangover but I'd be pretty annoyed in OP's situation when presumably there will be organising and things to do this morning. It's not just a case of rolling out of bed and into a car.

This is silly behaviour ,what is it about men? they have to drink like mad !.Get yourself insured and drive tomorrow .If he kicks off tell him if he has an accident he could still be over the limit ! poss lose licence or have huge fee

"He will easy be under limit by 10. Start feeding him coffee from 9 and let him drive."
No, he will not be.

If he has drunk 7 pints that is either 14 or 21 units depending on the strength of the beer. It will take between 14 and 21 hours to break this down and he only has 9 hours before they need to set out on their journey.

The NHS website states that "On average, it takes about 1 hour for your body to break down 1 unit of alcohol." However, this can vary, depending on your weight, sex, age, your metabolism, how much food you've eaten, type and strength of alcohol and whether you've taken medication and, if so, the type. It can also take longer if your liver isn't working normally.

There are roughly:
2.1 units in a standard glass (175ml) of average-strength wine (12%)
3 units in a large glass (250ml) of average-strength wine (12%)
2 units in a pint of low-strength lager, beer or cider (3.6%)
3 units in a pint of higher-strength lager, beer or cider (5.2%)

Coffee does not remove alcohol from your body. Only your liver can do that by metabolising it.

Caffeine can counteract the tiredness induced by alcohol but it can’t remove feelings of drunkenness or some of the cognitive deficits alcohol caused.

OP, your DH will definitely not be under the limit so it is good that you have decided to drive.

Sounds like he didn't want to go on the weekend break and this was a good excuse to go later or call it off.

@Juells if OP has her own car, and just isn’t insured on her DH’s car, wouldn’t they just go in her car? I think you might be making assumptions?

@StoppinBy if you reread the thread, I’m pretty sure OP said her mum is going in their car with them, not that her mum was driving

I'd be annoyed OP. I wouldn't let it spoil my trip though. Get yourself on the car insurance and make sure he is aware that you've done this because he's fucked up.

@grumpypregnanttired

"Let him get up at 10, leave at 10.30. Surely after almost 9 hours sleep he will be fine to drive after 7 pints.'
No, he won't. Depending on the strength of the alcohol, it It will take between 14 and 21 hours to remove 14-21 units of alcolhol from his system.

"For seven pints, considering he started at sevenish he will be totally fine at ten am. There is no issue here."

Wow. Seven pints is what he chose to tell her. Who knows if it was more or less? What an irresponsible attitude.

Threads like this say concerning things about our attitude to heavy drinking IMO.

Of course it’s fine to go out and celebrate a friend’s birthday, but that shouldn’t have to mean getting hammered, especially when you know you’ve got family commitments in the morning. I don’t know any mums who would do this. He’s not a student with no responsibilities.

Why can’t he have a couple of drinks and then drink soft drinks? Why has he had to drink solidly for six hours to have fun? DH used to do this - didn’t go out much but when he did he’d get absolutely wasted. It’s just so unnecessary. In this situation I’d be furious, and I would never do this myself.

I would drive you, should be insured for his car, what if you were out for the day and he took ill or was injured? No one gets bollocked for having one too many in this house as it's a rare occurrence and doesn't impact on the rest of our lives. He should be sorry for it this morning but not get into a big row