Trans issue at work

[NooneToldMeItWasRaining]

I work with someone that is a trans activist and while i support their right to identify as they wish, I don't subscribe to the philosophy that you should be able
to change your biological sex on your birth certificate or that gender stereotypes define who you are as a person.

I really like this person, but i struggle with their outspoken views e.g. that transwomen should participate in women's sport and to say otherwise is hateful, that some women have penises, that she is a lesbian (they are a transwoman in a relationship with a biological woman) and trying to get us to add pro nouns to our emails.

I haven't said anything and I do like her, but I am struggling with these outspoken views so at odds with my own beliefs (and common sense!). I don't want to add sodding pro nouns to my email!!

Is there any way of politely refuting any of this stuff or do I have to sit and smile and nod along

[Whatwouldbigfatfannydo]

@WotchaTalkinBoutWillis

If the issue was continually brought up, yes I would.
My role at work is to do my job, not be sucked into the toxic TRA agenda.
I certainly won't be 'taught' about women's issues by a biological male.

[BuzzShitbagBobbly]

I mean, there is the pronoun option of

"sex-based, like my oppression"

But I suspect that wouldn't go down well and some male rage might soon show itself.

(H/T to someone on FWR)

[NooneToldMeItWasRaining]

Re pro nouns what is suggested is a little strap line saying 'my pronouns are hers/she'

I feel that's implied in my case, as I have a female name, so don't see why I should need to add that.....also my sex is not relevent anyway.... and that if I did do that (which I won't be) then people who don't know me will probably think i am transgender!

[Themyscira]

It's definitely something that shouldn't be discussed in the workplace. I have no idea how you'd sidestep that, though. How do your colleagues feel, op?

[BelleSausage]

I would probably be passive aggressive and talk loudly about periods, child birth and the menopause.

See what the response is then.

[HatingTheBigShow]

So I'd still be sarah.smith@.... but in my signature I'd sign off as Sarah Smith (woman/her/she), Bog Roll Executive? The world has gone bloody mad.

[HatingTheBigShow]

I'd go for:
Sarah Smith
Biological female

[HatingTheBigShow]

Argh! Biological woman

[WotchaTalkinBoutWillis]

So I'd still be sarah.smith@.... but in my signature I'd sign off as Sarah Smith (woman/her/she), Bog Roll Executive? The world has gone bloody mad

Something like that, yeah
I can't get too worked up about it personally - I'm not at work at the mo so all this has passed me by, but if I was expected to add my pronouns I think I'd just internally do a massive eyeroll and just do it anyway
As the saying goes I see it as no skin off my nose, if it makes transpeople's lives easier though I'm alright with that.
I know this is a heated topic on here and I'm probably going to get pounded on for saying I don't mind adding them, but meh each to their own

[WickedLemon]

Any time I get an email with a signature saying “my pronouns are her/she” I automatically assume it’s from a trans-male.

In the examples you’ve given - the programme about males competing in women’s sport - I’d have to participate in a conversation with them about that. Your colleague brought up the subject and spouted their views, which aren’t facts, just their own beliefs. I’d have stated facts... biological, scientific facts.

[ArnoldWhatshisknickers]

"Pronouns? How wonderful thou art on board with my campaign to reintroduce the second person singular! Dost thou also prefer the nominative plural ye and correct verb endings"?

I'm bored with third person pronouns already.

[Rachelover60]

Tell her that you are at work to work, not to indulge in chit chat. Especially not controversial chit chat!

Think about it, if she was proselytising a religion, she would be in deep doo doo.

[Whatwouldbigfatfannydo]

Oh no @WickedLemon

The men have spoken. We aren't allowed science anymore!

[NooneToldMeItWasRaining]

The thing is I imagine at least some of my colleagues, if not the majority, think the same as me but we all sit in silence

[Longlongsummer]

In a workplace you are there to work. You do not have to have any one else’s views rammed down your throat - imagine if a born again Christian wouldn’t stop going on. The trans person can have their views. It doesn’t mean the workplace is okay to repeatedly push these views, it isn’t.

Avoid these conversations. Avoid avoid avoid. If you can’t just say sorry but you’d rather not have heated conversations in the workplace. If that doesn’t work consult HR.

[ArnoldWhatshisknickers]

To be quite honest I think I'd be looking for a new job. I have enough of delusion in my home life, fucked if I'm pandering to it at work.

[doublebarrellednurse]

I have to work with people who have all kinds of views I find offensive and can't agree with. I move on. They are entitled to them and as long as they do their job properly I don't care what they think. If their opinion impacts patient care then I care.

Does this person do their job or just witter on about personal shit all the time?

I think in 10 years it's possible it'll be standard to add pronouns to email. It's one sentence I can't get worked up about writing her/she below my name,

One of the worst people I've ever worked with used to drone on and on about their cherubs and it used to drive me up the wall. She eventually lost her job because she was so busy droning she did nothing.

[Whatsername7]

I wonder if she is simply trying to get a reaction so that she can then accuse people of bigotry? I wouldn't rise to it. Just smile and say something noncomittal like 'hmmm, yes you've said before'. Regarding the emails, just smile and say 'thank you for the suggestion but I really do not feel like it is nessacary'. I had a friend who was like this when it came to breastfeeding. She made a big hooha about feeding her baby, big display of getting her bap out, loudly discussing who was and wasnt staring, going on and on about being 'normal' and 'natural'. Always had a persecution story about people who apparently called her disgusting for bf. In reality, no one cared. No one stared when I was with her, let alone commented. I was a fellow bfeeder so didn't need the lecture. It was like she wanted to be challenged so she could have the fight. Your colleague sounds similar.

[NooneToldMeItWasRaining]

What I do is quite specialised and I love my job so quitting isn't an option

[DirtyWindow]

You say that you like her so why not say something like "actually I don't really agree with the GRA, but to be honest it doesn't feel appropriate to have this conversation at work. We can always discuss it over a glass of wine in the pub sometime though." Then of she takes you up on it just talk to her and explain your point of view (and listen to hers of course). Pretty basic I know but surely that's the sensible way.

[Dangerfloof]

I imagine i would roll my eyes loudly and leave the room each time the talking started. I would not add pronouns to anything. Vaguely say sure soon, it's on my to do list blah blah, but never actually do it.

I would not actually pull any thing said apart. I value my job too much and honestly this stuff will end soon. Its slowly tipping over the edge from reasonable adjustments (not really but what else can I call it) to batshittery right out there irl. When the tipping point comes all these tra will go back to their corner licking their wounds until they come up with another wheeze that could work.

[NooneToldMeItWasRaining]

She does her job well and other than spouting these extreme views every few days she is otherwise very funny, kind and intelligent

[Boysey45]

Well you need to get the manager to tell them to stick to professional work topics then. Its not right and very unprofessional that they are going on about this.

[DirtyWindow]

I'd really advise against passive aggression as suggested by some PPs.

[lljkk]

I don't want to work with anyone who is on a soapbox all the time. That sounds grim. In 2 of my jobs no one talks about politics much less activism hobbies. Job3 people make comments in passing but you can whack your headphones on & ignore.