Absolutely terrified about starting new job ,can't stop crying and shaking.don't know what to do.

[linnyb71]

This is my first time posting so don't know if I'm in the right place. But I just need some help.I've had a really bad year,got made redundant from a job I loved, got another one but it was awful as I was being bullied ,stuck it out for 6 months but couldnt take anymore and left and got another job which I thought would be better for me as it was quite similar to the job I got made redundant from but it wasn't. It was horrendous. So here I am just about to start yet another job this afternoon and I don't think I can do it.the thing is I'd be letting people down if I don't go.also there's the financial implications. I'm so lost just feel like running far away.I'm in a terrible state.I don't even know why I posted this here,just wanted someone to talk to I guess.any help would be very welcome right now.I had a breakdown once before due to work and I'm heading the same way again.what shall I do?

I can really empathise with you op., but I for one would be advising you to gird your loins and go in this afternoon, if you're able. I always think that the first couple of days in a new job are not the worst, because they can't expect you to know the ropes straightaway, and you should be given a bit of leeway and feel that you can ask plenty of questions about the way they do things.
The worst thing for me to do would be to call on sick on the first day, because I would then be worrying about whether they believed me, what they would be thinking etc., and I would find it even harder to go in subsequently.
Try thinking about the worst that can happen if you go in today- you decide it's not for you and never set foot in the place again!
In any case I would persevere in getting a GP's appt. to get some help for your anxiety, and be signed off sick if you can't face going in. It sounds as if your work coach could be quite supportive too. You never know, though - this might be your kind of job. Give it a try for an afternoon, if you can. And feel proud of yourself for getting the job in the first place. They must think you're the right person!

and good luck whatever you decide.

No squirrels. Thankyou so much.my shift starts at 5.30 and I finish at 10.30.I think that the waiting around to start hasn't helped my anxiety either.I'd have rather they asked me to start earlier.I had my induction on last Sunday so I've had to wait almost 5 days to start my first shift.so I've had more time to work myself up into a state.

Right come on.... you’ve got this. Tough love time ok? You’re catastrophising.... you’ve decided it’s going to be awful before you’ve given it a chance... you need to go and check it out. You’ve been raising your daughter and that is way, way harder than going to work ( did I see it was retail?). You know for a fact that this day will end so you’re not going to be trapped there for ever if it’s a bit weird. But imagine the people are lovely and then the feeling you have at the end of the day walking out there when you’ve overcome your fears. How great will that feel? Keep hold of that feeling. This job is great because it’s going to pay your bills for you. This job is going to pay for Christmas. Anxiety is not insurmountable but you have to take action to overcome it. Right.... deep breaths. Get going!

Ongranary please.my shifts are a mixture of early starts and later starts.for example tomorrow is meant to be 12 till 4 and Saturday 7 till 1.that's another thing.I told the interviewer when he asked about availability that I couldn't start till 7,30 at the earliest on a Saturday cos the first bus won't get me there in time for a 7am start yet they still put me in for it.so I'm gonna have to get a taxi which if I have to do that every week will be a fair chunk out of my wages.

linnyb71 you’ll be great, and the first shift will fly by as you’ll spend most of the time being shown what to do, where the toilets are etc. What kind of retail is it? As it’s a late shift is it a supermarket? A big one or more of a corner shop?

Either way, walk in (with good time before your shift, but not too early) find the first person in uniform that doesn’t look too busy, and say nice and breezy “Hi I’m Linny, it’s my first shift - I’ve been told to ask for the Shift supervisor but I’m afraid I don’t know who that is - could you point them out for me please?”

Chances are they’ll take you straight to them, or point you in the right direction. Don’t be afraid to ask for clarification if you’re not sure. “oh they’re in the back.” “OK thank you! Could you just point me in the right direction?”

Break today down into half hour sections. In the next half an hour you can watch rubbish daytime tv. Then the next half hour have a cup of tea. The half hour after that have some toast. Half hour later, get showered and dressed...and so on.

When the half hour section comes when you need to leave the house, just walk out of the door and tell yourself that you can turn around at anytime and go back home.

When you reach your new workplace, tell yourself you'll give it half an hour and if you don't like it then you will leave and go home.

When your shift is over and you've managed to get through your first day, do a little dance, give yourself a high five and tell yourself that you are invincible and you can do anything you set your mind to!

Good luck OP! You CAN do this but don't think more than half an hour ahead. Go make you and your DD proud! Looking forward to your update later today saying how you got through it and you feel great!

I have had huge anxiety with some jobs. Most worked out but one didn't. Can you practice getting thought 5 minutes at a time right now doing whatever you can to distract yourself from the intrusive thoughts for 5 minutes.

Have you looked at the headspace app?

Piriton is over the counter and slightly sedative. A good pharmacist might suggest something better. Is there a gp walk in centre near you? You could phone back to GP and ask for urgent phone consultation. They can prescribe over the phone.

Good luck.

Cross post. What fairydustandpixies said.

I really appreciate everyone's help and support.Im really gonna try and go.at least that way if I really do hate it then I can say I gave it a shot.I'm gonna try my best to make it there today.I don't wanna let anyone down. Im gonna phone the gp again tomorrow and say how low I am and I need some help.it's these weird thoughts going through my head I need them to stop now.

Yay. Go for it Linny. Good luck.... you’ve got this.

linnyb71 Right, with the shift timings just play it cool. Sow the seed on Saturday. When asked if you got in OK etc as part of small talk, just shrug self depreciatingly and laugh: “Oh well it’s a bit of a faff - turns out there are no buses that get in till half past so I had to fork out for a taxi! Hope I don’t have too many of these or I’ll be paying out more than my wages!” Laugh, make a joke, do nothing that says you’re not willing to do it. Get to know your workmates - does one of them live near you? Could you share lifts or taxi costs?

Over the next few weeks suss out if there’s a sympathetic manager you could bring up the rota with - start with asking if you could mix it up a bit and not have too many Saturday mornings, explaining the taxi cost. You might be able to negotiate only working one Saturday morning a month, which would help. Then see if there’s any flexibility in shift timings at all - is there a way of starting half hour later and finishing half hour later? Maybe not, but you might be in luck.

It will take time, and you definitely can’t walk in on your first day and start messing with shifts; but you may be able to sort something out so you don’t have to fork out for a taxi every week for the rest of your working life there!

Hi Dyrne.that's great advice thankyou.it's a supermarket but one of the smaller ones, more like a convenience store type thing.I know I'm being daft but I'm absolutely crippled by fear at the moment.it's overwhelming. I've worked in retail for different companies for a few years now so I don't get why I'm so scared now.

Linnyb71 I get it - mental health problems are shit. It hits you at the most inopportune times, and the fact that you’ve fought through enough to apply somewhere, get an interview, and get the job shows how strong you really are.

You’ve made the right decision to call your GP tomorrow. Hopefully we’ve given you some coping mechanisms to get you through until you’re on an even keel again.

Good luck Linnyb71!

I have not been quite as bad as you Linny but I get really nervous and it takes me a while to get into the swing of things. I was horrified when unemployed and I went to work as a volunteer. All I had to do was take phone calls and leave messages. For a few seconds - I could not work out how to pick up the phone and take notes- I thought I did not have enough hands!!!!!

I actually think I often sabotage myself deliberately in interviews due to my fear.

You can't phone in sick on your first day, you'll never get the strength to go in if you do. And I do think you'll be sanctioned if you don't take the job.
I think your anxiety is making this into a much bigger issue than it is. Think about it like this, what's honestly the worse that could happen today? It's a grocery store, your life's not going to be in any risk not is anyone elses if you fuck up. You absolutely can do this. Especially if you've already done your induction. If it's a local store it's small so go straight up to the first member of staff you see and say hi I'm linny I start today on x department any chance you could show me who I need to speak to? Thanks

@linnyb71 you need to calm down and take some deep breathes. You are working yourself into a complete state but I understand where you are coming from. You are underestimating and being too hard on yourself. This needs to Stop now! You are a capable person and have proven this by being in a job you loved in the past. Do not let this past year blight your opinion of yourself. I was bullied in a job once and I felt at the time that it eroded my confidence. I left, the bully moved onto to someone else but eventually I heard she shot herself in the foot and got the sack. It was the best thing I ever did by leaving as I got my mojo back and a much better job in the end! I never think about that bad patch now. I compartmentalise bad experiences by putting them in an imaginary box. Basically, there's no point in wasting time thinking about the past as it takes away from the here and now, you can't change it anyway! Never base the future on the past, it just catastrophises your thoughts. Move on, things have a way of working themselves out and I know it will work out for you, just believe in yourself and good times will come again. I know this from my own experience.

Thankyou all again for all your support everyone.I'm gonna take on board everyone's advice and see what happens today.my daughter said yesterday to get the taxi Saturday but say to them in a polite way any chance of starting half an hour later in future cos I did say at interview and induction that I couldn't start that early.then if they won't or can't compromise we will talk it through and decide what to do then.

This could be the good one OP. The job with good colleagues and nice customers where you feel a real sense of community and belonging.

You’ve done the induction without any disasters. Don’t risk starting out on the wrong foot by calling in sick for your first shift. It will increase your current feelings of inadequacy and all you are doing is delaying the inevitable first day.

Keep repeating the mantra ‘in 12/11/10 etc hours time this will all be over’ and don’t have too high expectations of yourself for the first days, as long as you smile and are polite to the customers you won’t go too far wrong.

Op you must have something very positive about you if you keep getting job offers. Be the person you are at interview and I’m sure you will be fine!

Just remember in most work settings people want to be friendly and help colleagues. You had the misfortune of finding a setting/ person who was not like that. It won't be like that today.
Go in, smile at the first colleague you see and ask for any help you need. Say that you are a bit nervous. Seriously they will be happy someone showed up.

You can do this Linny! Your mind is playing tricks on you, don't let it win! Catch your negative panic thought as soon as it starts and observe the power it is having on you as if you are looking down from above, reassure it and start a new distraction thought entirely, keep trying this, even if just a few mins respite, it will help. Go easy on tea it has caffeine in it which can increase your anxiety. Hood luck and remember we're rooting for you!

Keep posting today and people will support you on here. Just think how fast a day goes and in no time you will be slipping back into bed thinking thank goodness that first shift is over . It won't be as bad again either so deep breaths and you can do this. I and others will be thinking of you as well. Lots of random people you don't even know are behind you cheering you on because we know you can do this. Let that thought boost you up . Let us know how it goes as well please xxx

I'm sorry you are feeling so scared about this but I too think you can do this! And if you do think how great you are going to feel tonight when you finish work! Maybe plan a nice snack and favourite film to reward yourself when you get home! Good luck OP! Xxx

Ring Anxiety Uk. They have a helpline and can talk you through your current issues and maybe signpost you to more long term help.

It's quite understandable that you're feeling this way as you've had a lot of things happening one after the other and it sounds like you haven't had time to process any of them before the next crisis.

You can definitely do this, you have the skills. Look for a friendly face among the staff and they will help you. Someone who is keen to do well is always a better employee than someone who just doesn't care.

Good luck OP.

but say to them in a polite way any chance of starting half an hour later in future cos I did say at interview and induction that I couldn't start that early.then if they won't or can't compromise we will talk it through and decide what to do then. Yes. Tell them you can't get public transport for the early start. One of our local employers, national company with large minimum wage workforce and not known for its generosity, still pays half the taxi fare for anyone who is travelling too late or too early to be able to get public transport.