Absolutely terrified about starting new job ,can't stop crying and shaking.don't know what to do.

[linnyb71]

This is my first time posting so don't know if I'm in the right place. But I just need some help.I've had a really bad year,got made redundant from a job I loved, got another one but it was awful as I was being bullied ,stuck it out for 6 months but couldnt take anymore and left and got another job which I thought would be better for me as it was quite similar to the job I got made redundant from but it wasn't. It was horrendous. So here I am just about to start yet another job this afternoon and I don't think I can do it.the thing is I'd be letting people down if I don't go.also there's the financial implications. I'm so lost just feel like running far away.I'm in a terrible state.I don't even know why I posted this here,just wanted someone to talk to I guess.any help would be very welcome right now.I had a breakdown once before due to work and I'm heading the same way again.what shall I do?

Hi, firstly well done on getting the job. It took courage for you to get back out their and apply and interview after your horrible experiences.

I find it helps to talk myself through the first few steps to build up confidence.

E.g

When I get there, I will walk up to the reception with a big smile and say ‘Hello, my name is Bat. It’s my first day and I was told to report to the shift leader of x section. Could you help me please?’

Then see how I feel

But what if there is no one there?
Then I will go and find someone to ask

But what if that makes me late?
I will arrive at least 20 minutes early

But what if the person is rude?
I will still be polite and not let it bother me

And so on until I feel as prepared as possible for the first few minutes

Hope that helps and good luck x

Firstly, they gave you the job which means that they saw something they liked in you.

Secondly, every single person there will have been the new person themselves once. Every one has a first day. Don't put so much pressure on yourself, it could be amazing. Look for the positives, not the negatives. You can do this.

Remember that your boss hired you because they have belief in your ability.

You deserve to be there!

Wishing you lots of luck, let us know how it went.

I know how you feel OP. Anxiety is horrendous and you'll get some people telling you "Just deep breath and get on with it". When it's not physical and on show people think it can just be "breathed away" for some reason. Anxiety & Panic disorder when you have it so badly is like a bully, constantly attached to you, getting in the way, getting at you, getting all over you, it's sufforcating.

I feel ridiculous saying this because you probably have, but have you tried beta blockers? They got me through my A level presentations. They weren't enough for Uni though and I left half way through my degree. I couldn't leave my halls, it was one of my darkest times. So lonely and isolating. Lecturers were amazing and tried absolutely everything they could to help - presentations just in front of a small group, counselling services; but I just couldn't go on, my body just froze and ached with terror with I tried to get up and leave - I started to hate my body because of it and would pound on the floor of my room. Cry loudly in the shower. I just wanted to feel normal and confident and join in with the others on my course, but it doesn't work like that - your body does what it wants, you can't control it sometimes, hence the millions of people on medication.

A couple of years later after trying various medication and CBT, I was stood in the shower one day and I literally "told" my anxiety "just do your worst, if I'm going to die at least I'm away from this constant hell" - and after that it sort of eased off, like I'd 'beaten the bully' type thing. It still flares up unexpectedly though - but I can get up and go now and that's everything, that's freedom!

I'm trying again with Uni in 2021 after an access course and hoping now I'm older and mentally stronger I'll be able to do it this time. It's my 2nd chance.

Good luck! I honestly know how difficult it is, and how hard it is to find people who 'get it' xx

I understand why you are feeling so worried, I think anyone who has had such awful work experiences will sympathise.

But, try to look at it positively, I know you are feeling like shit ATM but in reality you must be a person of huge inner strength. Despite having such awful experiences you have not let it stop you applying for jobs, going for interviews and succeeding at interviews. Many others would have given up long ago and resigned themselves to a life on benefits.

But not you, you have shown resilience,determination and strength.

Go to your first day, meet your new colleagues, remember it's the first day of getting your self esteem back . You have been successful in the workplace before and now is the time to reclaim your motivation.

BatQueen and mere,thankyou so much for your kind words.it means a lot.just gonna keep thinking to myself this time tomorrow it'll be over and hopefully I won't feel as scared for my second shift.I'm gonna go get dressed and go out for a little walk I think,try and calm my nerves.

I left two professional careers because of situations you mentioned.

You are right - you are not alone. What you are describing is more common than you think.

What I've learned is that companies don't care about you - so you need to care about you. Expect jobs to be rubbish, and just take one day at a time. You just need to get through one day. And then another one day. If the day is shit, then WAY HEY - you survived it! You just need the pay packet at the end of the month. Don't work long hours and tell them if they are overloading you.

I've learned that if something nasty happens (like other people are bullying), it's often about their own personalities flaws and what's going on in their lives. Not anything to do with you. I used to leave a job because of nasty events, but then I started forcing myself to stay and I saw that in a few months the issue completely disappears and you end up feeling better about the job again. Don't let other people ruin your career, just because they are arseholes.

Pull on your big girl knicker and get yourself ready and go
It might be a wonderful place to work and you will love it, it might be horrible and you only last a few weeks but if you don't try you will never know.
Deep breaths maybe try some calms, once you have done your shift make an appointment with GP to discuss the way you are feeling and get some support.

Lots of love and luck xx

Go for it OP.
Take deep breaths. You have had a bad experience in your last job.
If you get the niggly feeling of bullying when you start just leave.
You are in control of this job.
I get it, I moved from a longterm job it took me 4 jobs to settle.
I am a happy respected employee again.
I'd been cacooned in my nice job with nice people for so long I went into shock with office politics, catty attitudes and the want for the new person to fail.
One supervisor was a super cnt she mellowed slightly with me after 6 mths. When the next lot of staff started she was crazy, she told me over tea she fucking hates newbies and isn't afraid to show them how aggravating they are. She was a queen cnt.

I wouldn’t call in sick on your first day.

I'm totally overwhelmed by all the love and support everyone on here has shown me this morning.so thank you all for that.I'm still crying but hopefully by the time I have to leave it will have eased off.I'm also worried that I'll get upset on the way there or actually while I'm there. What if I can't go in the building when I get there? I've got so much to lose.

Don't worry everyone will expect you to be nervous. Deep breaths all the way, day dream, plan your Christmas list keep your mind busy on route.
I hope you as overwhelmed today with support from your new colleagues today.
Please update later.
Best of luck.

Make plans for the journey there - favourite music, or an audiobook to get lost in. Keep breathing. You can do it!

When you get there imagine some MNers with you, accompanying you into the shop.

You will be absolutely fine OP. You're a grown up, what's the worst that could happen? Very best of luck, thinking of you 🤞🤞🤞

Rescue Remedy and Kalms 🤦‍♀️

OP I really empathise because I used to get this anxious about every "new" situation - even moving from the training pool to the next team on a job would have me a complete wreck. I would LITERALLY shit myself to the point I wore incontinence pads.

Can you call the doctor surgery now and try to make an appt for later today or tomorrow?

You mention you texted your DD, who I'm guessing is still asleep. Is there anyone else you can message who will be supportive right now? I'm sure your DD is lovely and wants to support you, but she may not have the life experience right now to provide practical help.

If there isn't anyone but your DD, would she be able to come with you on the bus later today when you go in? Just so the two of you can chat on the journey rather than you getting trapped in a spiral of overthinking.

Really well done for reaching out to post here. It shows that you WANT to make it work and you just need help.

Re the Saturday shifts - it might turn out that other workers can offer a car share on that day. Try to put that out of your mind for right now. Just concentrate on getting through today. You can do this!

Please don't call in sick on your first day!

If it helps, remember that nobody will be expecting much from you today - you'll likely be doing paperwork and induction stuff or being shown where things are etc.

Agree with PPs to make sure that you have your outfit, route to work etc all sorted asap to remove some of the stresses. Can you afford a small treat for you and your daughter (a takeaway?) as something to look forward to for getting through the first day?

Good luck ♥️

Go for a walk it will help clear your head.

Keep in mind the anxiety you're feeling now is WORSE than you will feel in a day. The anticipation is worse than the event. You know starting a new job is hard, being the new person is hard etc, and with your working history of bullying you're catastrophising that this will be the same. So your anxiety steps in to tell you you don't want to deal with those feelings so sacking it off will be better because you won't have to confront those feelings. Going into work and confronting the situation I guarantee you won't be half as bad as you're feeling right now! If you've been off work for a while it's built up and it's hard to get back into a routine but you can do it and it will be for the best.

YOU'VE TOTALLY GOT THIS OP!!!

Op this was me last week.
I did a trial shift, they offered me the job then I had a week to wait till I started.
First day I was a mess, really panicking but I got there, and I survived. Then I survived the day after.
I'm still here 2 weeks on just taking it in chunks of time.
Prep jobs first thing, then meeting, then lunch, then 3 hours till home.
Break it up and you can do it.
Good luck!

Hi OP,

I really hope today goes well for you. Remember you don;t have to like the job today. You don;t have to be good at it today. It's quite normal to have a long settling in period. A good friend of mine works on a counter at one of the large supermarkets. She comes across as massively self confident. She told me the other day she cried on and off for three months because she found it so hard remembering all the products and sell by dates and allergens etc. But now she adores it and she gets on so well with her colleagues they all go off for girls' nights out and weekends away. It can take time. Give yourself a chance.

But if you really can't go in, don't be hard on yourself. Your first post sounded to me like a serious edge of breakdown state of mind (been there) It took me ages to realise there was no point trying to do a good job at work before I got better. Couldn;t happen. So if you are shaking and can;t go in, go straight to your GP. You need some calming medication and some counselling (online IESO self-referral via NHS is free for six weeks - I found it brilliant. You do it from home, from bed if you like, no need to go anywhere or meet anyone new. It's just instant mailing.)

Getting better has to be your first priority. Everything else will grow from that. Even if you manage today, it's really vital you get yourself to the GP and explain your low mood and serial job losses due to poor state of MH. Get some temporary medication to calm you and start taking the steps you need to get well again.

Poor you. It always takes me ages to settle into a job and I usually absolutely hate it at first but then I start liking it. It is all related to anxiety I think as until I know exactly what I am doing, the people and where I need to be I just worry constantly!!! I love my job now but felt like you did at first. People may seem horrible at first but then when you get to know them they are usually OK.

Be brave and just go for it, try not to over think it. Remember you are only getting paid for the time you are there so there is no point letting it take over your life. They are lucky to have you.

Hi, I could have written your post a few months ago. I was in this state before the interview as I really needed the job but when I got it, after being relieved to leave the horrible position, got stress the new one would be worse.

It was nothing like this at all. People are absolutely lovely and this is the best move I've done in a few years !

Take the first day as it is, and advise later. It might be great.

Once again thankyou for all your kind words and advice.someone suggested taking my daughter with me on the bus when I leave but I think that may make it worse as I'll have to watch her walk away as I have to go in the building and I'll just want to run after her and go home.I'm just waiting to talk to her now about things.see what she says.I do need to get to the doctors though. I can't go on feeling like this .been trying to be strong and cope without tablets but I definitely need something to help get me through.I just want it all to stop.the rational part of my brain is telling me it won't be as bad as I think it's gonna be but then the horrible intrusive thoughts kick in and I start crying again.I don't know if I should say this here but I have had some very dark thoughts and last night I was wishing I would go to sleep and not wake up.then I wouldn't be a burden on anyone anymore and all the pain would be over and I could be with my mum again.

OP, this might be a really useful resource until you can see your GP:

Anxiety UK

Telephone: 03444775774

Email: [email protected]

Live Chat Advisory Service: Available during office hours, via the website.

Text: 07537 416 905

Services are available Monday – Friday 9.30am – 5.30pm

They'll be able to support you, with no judgment whatsoever, as many of the staff/volunteers have personal experience of severe anxiety themselves.

linnyb71 please do not feel like you’re weak or ‘bad’ for seeking treatment to help you control your anxiety.

If I had a headache I’d take paracetamol. If I had bad eyesight I’d wear glasses. If I hurt my foot I’d use crutches - treatment for mental health issues is no different.

Thankyou Autumnal and Dyrne.I'm going to give Anxiety UK a call.feel even worse now cos I've just found out I could be sanctioned for up to 3 years if I don't take this job.oh God what am I gonna do?I can't go and I can't not go to work.please just make it stop.I can't do it .