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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by commuters ignoring 'baby on board'?

354 replies

puffingalong · 10/10/2019 07:02

I think the title summarises my gripe. The baby on board badge is not really working (sometimes it does, but not at rush hour and not the majority of the time). I could believe that the badge isn't noticeable enough, I don't think it's difficult in my case when you include my ginormous bump (I'm 7 months and my bump is on the large side, the rest of me pretty small).

In my experience, the majority of people sitting in the seats for disabled/pregnant/elderly people just don't bother looking up to check if anyone else needs those seats more than them.

I know I could ask for a seat but I'm too British! Has anyone found any fun shaming tactics for this situation?

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 10/10/2019 07:58

I know I could ask for a seat but I'm too British! Has anyone found any fun shaming tactics for this situation?

I know a few fun shaming techniques for grown women too wimpy to ask for a seat. Wink

Robs20 · 10/10/2019 07:58

Ask. I am also pregnant - don’t have a bump but do have terrible morning sickness and need to sit down. I think you need to ask (I hate doing it too) - although the people in the priority seat are probably not needing of it, you dont know (it could be me!).

Hugsandpastries · 10/10/2019 07:58

Say you’re feeling like you might faint when you ask for a seat. Most commuters would rather stand than have their journey delayed because someone’s fainted and the emergency button has to be pressed.

oblada · 10/10/2019 07:58

I agree it's annoying! It was the same for me up to being 38 weeks pregnant, in a packed train, only the conductor took pity on me and let me seat in her cabin up front! It's a shame ppl don't pay attention to others like this. By contrast when I went to Paris (about 6m pregnant) commuters were falling over themselves to give me a seat...it was nice.

DiploCat1 · 10/10/2019 08:02

I am currently 6 and a half month pregnant and still commuting from Surrey into London every day. I pretty much have to ask every morning (despite the same people being in the carriage every morning...). But I ask politely, say "I'm really sorry but would anyone be able to stand so I can sit down" to a general area in the carriage and have always got a seat. I always say thank you to the person who's moved and if I see them again at the other end when we get off, thank them again. I have been running a little tally (privately, no shaming...) and have noticed that generally its women who will offer their seat without being asked, and men who will offer their seat if I ask for one. I do feel a bit bad because I get on right at the front of the train, and it would be quieter at the other end, but with my PGP I cant walk the length of the platform at both ends, so do it to limit the amount of walking I have to do.

Ringsender2 · 10/10/2019 08:03

Sit on their laps

onefootinthegrave · 10/10/2019 08:03

Mo son had a brain haemorraghe at 6 weeks old which has left him with problems with balance and mobility, which isn't obvious. He's now 20. When someone gets on the tube that needs a seat, I give them mine and he stays put. If we get on and there's only one seat, I tell him to sit on it and I stand, even though I now look my age (almost 50). I see people looking, and they probably think he's a spoilt brat and spoilt by me. I don't care anymore, I've had this for almost 20 years. He's also in his own world a lot (aspergers) so might not necessarily notice someone getting on that needs a seat more than him. And he always gives his up for someone who needs it more than he does. So OP please ask because some people are also in their own world but would be happy to help you. But if you tried a 'fun shaming' tactic on him when I was there, you'd regret it because when pushed I will tell people the reason he's sitting is because he had a brain haemmoraghe, so I think you'd be the one that would be shamed!

BIWI · 10/10/2019 08:04

Hmm. Not sure the OP is coming back ...

stucknoue · 10/10/2019 08:05

How do you know that they have even seen a badge, they may be tourists and not know what it means - those badges don't even exist here (I'm not that far from London!) Finally they may have a hidden disability ... I have a problem with my hip, you cannot tell but it's excruciatingly painful to stand still more than 5 mins (though walking is fine) for instance (consequently I have no right to a badge at the moment, I'm awaiting a specialist appointment)

soggypizza · 10/10/2019 08:05

I offered a seat to a woman on a commuter train - she looked about 8-9 months pregnant and she told me she travelled to London every day and no one had ever offered her a seat, and by the comments on this thread it seems that expecting someone to notice you need one is expecting too much, people live in a bubble.

ClemDanFango · 10/10/2019 08:06

If you’re too British to speak up how will you put ‘shaming’ techniques in to practice?

AnnaMagnani · 10/10/2019 08:07

Ask or develop your seat spotting skills.

I am not able to stand for more than a couple of stops but I can almost always get a seat in that time period, even in rush hour as I am laser focussed on my need for a seat and positioning myself to get one.

If I don't get one and I can't stand any more I just ask. I don't look disabled/old in any way - I always get one.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 10/10/2019 08:07

If you're brave enough to be passive aggressive you're brave enough to ask politely ffs.

yummychoccy · 10/10/2019 08:08

I was mortified once to realise I had been sat on a seat for ages in a packed train with a heavily pregnant lady standing right next to me Blush

I have often been offered a seat on trains when I've been with my baby in a sling. Most of the time I decline as he's more settled when I stand, but I appreciated the offers!

C8H10N4O2 · 10/10/2019 08:10

know I could ask for a seat but I'm too British! Has anyone found any fun shaming tactics for this situation?

You're too British to politely ask for a seat? But quite comfortable iwth public shaming?

Hmm
Phineyj · 10/10/2019 08:10

stucknoue you can simply order one of the badges on the TFL website - you don't need evidence. I got one when I had surgery earlier this year.

OP - just ask. It's good practice for when you need to assert yourself with health care or education professionals!

Basil90 · 10/10/2019 08:11

For goodness sake you're about to be a mum - just ask

OMGshefoundmeout · 10/10/2019 08:11

The trouble is that nowadays a lot of people are so engrossed in their screens that they may genuinely not notice who is standing nearby. I would ask.

WatchingTheMoon · 10/10/2019 08:11

It annoys me too. I live in Korea and people don't respect the seats (which unlike the UK are meant to be exclusively for pregnant women, there are other disabled/elderly seats which btw no one would ever dream of sitting in unless they needed it).

A man actually kicked a woman in the stomach here when she asked for the seat and I've been ignored more than once when I've asked people to get up.

It really annoys me because they obviously don't need the seat or they'd sit in the disabled area.

MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue · 10/10/2019 08:12

I'm six months pregnant with my second and massive. I also get the central line every day.

I think it's a safety thing for me. I feel quite vulnerable when pregnant, especially at rush hour and think it's safer to sit down than be pushed and jostled, or bounced about when the train jolts. That's aside from feeling permanently knackered and like I have no sense of balance.

But I always ask. My line is "Excuse me, is anyone able to stand?" That way you're not demanding a seat or questioning anyone else's need for that seat.

That said, I definitely agree with the middle aged men pretending to be asleep! Drives me mad! I find they not only ignore me but people on crutches, older people etc. I find it's always the young "hoodies" who perhaps people would judge, that jump up to give me a seat.

Likethebattle · 10/10/2019 08:13

Just ask ffs! I’mBrotish and have no problem asking if I need a seat. I’m not disabled but feel queasy and faint in the morning on the train and have asked before for a seat when I started to feel ropey. To be fair the fact that I had turned grey and was sweating and shaking probably helped my cause. It’s low blood pressure apparently.

My father was shamed by some stupid bint on a bus when he was walking with two stick due to MS. She told him to get up and offer two older ladies a seat. He told her to get up if she was bothered. Strangely enough she wasn’t wanting to give up her seat.

Andsoltbegins · 10/10/2019 08:13

Ask and if they are able to give their seat I’m sure they would
I have to politely explain that I need the seat and perhaps whoever is asking could ask someone else only once was I subjected to a barrage of abuse usually people are fine about it

myself2020 · 10/10/2019 08:13

ask for a seat. nobody is checking everybody else’s body when on a train. and healthy looking people can have a disability too (or need the seat for other reasons)

saraclara · 10/10/2019 08:14

I thought the badges were for people whose pregnancies aren't showing yet. If you're so huge, what's the point in the badge?

I'm in a world of my own when I'm on the train/tube. Ask me, ffs.

MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue · 10/10/2019 08:16

@saraclara I am huge and always wear my badge. I find especially when standing at rush hour people aren't able to look down at a bump, but they will see the badge.