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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by commuters ignoring 'baby on board'?

354 replies

puffingalong · 10/10/2019 07:02

I think the title summarises my gripe. The baby on board badge is not really working (sometimes it does, but not at rush hour and not the majority of the time). I could believe that the badge isn't noticeable enough, I don't think it's difficult in my case when you include my ginormous bump (I'm 7 months and my bump is on the large side, the rest of me pretty small).

In my experience, the majority of people sitting in the seats for disabled/pregnant/elderly people just don't bother looking up to check if anyone else needs those seats more than them.

I know I could ask for a seat but I'm too British! Has anyone found any fun shaming tactics for this situation?

OP posts:
dinello · 11/10/2019 20:35

Shaming tactics? As if you could when you're too shy to ask someone for a seat. Grow up.

rosesmammy · 11/10/2019 20:39

Just ask. Also, don’t assume those people need the seat less then you, you don’t know what’s going on with them.

minny80 · 11/10/2019 20:41

If you need a seat, ask for one nicely. Also saying that you are annoyed people don't proactively give up their seat for you and then stating that you are "too British" to ask sounds like self-entitlement to me. But I am sure you know you are NOT entitled to get a seat, that's down to people kindness Smile

Strawberrypancakes · 11/10/2019 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

manicmij · 11/10/2019 21:03

You should ask. Congestion in tge carriages makes it difficult to see badges. Some will of course be exercising their entitlement stance and ignore you. Good luck with the baby.

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 11/10/2019 21:14

Nope. It's young men. Almost always. Then middle aged men. Hardly ever women. Women are the last to give up a seat.

Nope, middle aged men are the last to give up their seats. And most likely to take up too much space and encroach on a neighbouring seat.

Has anyone noticed any differences depending on ethnicity?

vincettenoir · 11/10/2019 21:55

In my experience young people and BAME people are the ones that give up their seats. Women are slightly more likely than men to offer. I was NEVER offered a seat by a white man over 40 during my pregnancy even though my train was full of them.

NameChange84 · 11/10/2019 22:00

I'd agree that, with my health condition, I have never been offered a seat by a middle aged white man. I've also never been offered a seat by a woman. This goes for my elderly mother too. Its almost always young BAME and white men, or teenage boys who are the first to jump up and offer a seat.

Gileadisreal · 11/10/2019 22:05

You are pregnant, not mute.

If you need the seat, ask for it. In my experience, the first people to offer a seat were 1) foreign 2) female and 3) young (both male and female.

Also in my experience, if you ask a middle age white man if you can have his seat, he will go bright red and jump right up for you :)

Snugglepumpkin · 11/10/2019 22:07

I would offer a seat to a pregnant woman who wasn't wearing a 'baby on board' badge.
I would not offer one or get up when asked if a pregnant woman was was wearing one, I'd just assume they were a self entitled twat who thought they'd get special treatment by wearing a badge.

If you are pregnant enough to need a seat, you don't need a badge.

Bugbabe1970 · 11/10/2019 22:22

They might think you’re fat and not pregnant
Just ask!

StripeyDeckchair · 11/10/2019 22:23

I had to go into central London daily for radiotherapy. Because of where we lived (direct tube journey to hospital) my appointments were 9-10 am & the tube is still pretty busy then.
It's amazing how a entire carriage can be deaf & not hear a request for a seat- I was reduced to tears more than once.
Commuters are totally selfish & self centred (most of them)

AwesomeMixTapeVol1 · 11/10/2019 22:26

I agree with the just ask - or tell. I got on a tube train, heavily pregnant, load of young guys just got out of a football game. Listened to them all jovially squabbling over why they should have the last seat and then unbuttoned my (massive) coat and said "Guys, I trump you all". I had about six seats offered to me. Grin

Switcher88 · 12/10/2019 03:06

I agree that people who offer their seats tend to be younger. But then that's the group who are least likely to need a seat due to a hidden disability (obviously you can't assume that is the case for every young person, but as a general rule).

I've had older people offer seats too though. My 68 year old dad gave up his seat for a pregnant lady the other day.

I actually find the worst group to be foreign tourists, not their fault because they're usually deep in discussion about which stop they should be getting off at/whether they're on the right train! Plus they probably have no idea what the badges are for.

Applesandpears23 · 12/10/2019 04:18

I would address the group of people nearest the door and say “please could someone offer me a seat” and someone would spring up.

Countryescape · 12/10/2019 04:26

I can’t believe such badges exist! I feel you’d be laughed off the train in Aussie

BIWI · 12/10/2019 07:58

@Snugglepumpkin

I would not offer one or get up when asked if a pregnant woman was was wearing one, I'd just assume they were a self entitled twat who thought they'd get special treatment by wearing a badge.

What a delightful person you sound Hmm

Ticklemeelmo · 12/10/2019 08:32

The badges help commuters distinguish between women who are pregnant and those who may just be large- a reason why a lot of people otherwise used to avoid offering their seats.

There are badges available for those who have a hidden disability, just wear one if you have one.

London tubes and buses are generally packed full to the point of not being able to move and frequently drivers slam on the brakes, causing people to knock into each other. I'd rather inconvenience people by asking for a seat than risk my bump getting hit.

OP you do need to ask the carriage sometimes, I'm always really polite and people so far have been fine to move.

Ticklemeelmo · 12/10/2019 08:49

@Snugglepumpkin

I would not offer one or get up when asked if a pregnant woman was was wearing one, I'd just assume they were a self entitled twat who thought they'd get special treatment by wearing a badge.

What a nasty piece of work you sound.

OrangeSlices998 · 12/10/2019 08:55

@Snugglepumpkin What a toad you are. I wear a badge because people like you look up, see the bump, and go back to playing Tetris or whatever on their phone. So I ask. And funnily enough the badge is most needed when you look the least pregnant - the first 16 weeks were tough; fainting, nausea, vomiting and I needed a seat then more than ever. Your attitude makes me so angry. No one who wears the badge thinks they deserve special treatment, they’re just asking for some bloody consideration if you’re well enough to stand and could kindly offer your seat.

airedailleurs · 12/10/2019 09:40

@Countryescape I'm intrigued to know more about this, can you tell us why the badges would be ridiculed please?

Pinkdhalia · 12/10/2019 10:45

ask! people aren't aware of the badge if they are sitting and your badge is likely to be on your coat lapel/chest height. if the person ignores you, could be lack of english or ignorance someone else close might stand .

anitagreen · 12/10/2019 11:32

I never used a badge with my other two pregnancies but this one I've considered it, I'm 28 weeks now but the Sciatica and SPD is so painful I struggle to push the trolley around Sainsbury's now. I need to sit down instead of standing I never ever understood before about the need for a seat, now I do.

When I was on the bus the other day not one person offered me one and a elderly man saw my bump and offered it to another man who told him no thanks I thought that was rude but amusing. I never ask for a seat as I can't be bothered with the comments other woman have got, but the more weeks that go by I will if I need too.

CAG12 · 12/10/2019 13:27

A) nobody HAS to give up their seat. Its not the law, id stop expecting it

B) ask them

bluebluezoo · 12/10/2019 18:12

No one who wears the badge thinks they deserve special treatment, they’re just asking for some bloody consideration

They aren’t asking for anything. The badge says “baby in board”. It doesn’t make any requests.

To me it’s no different to an “it’s my birthday” or a baby on board sticker in a car. It does seem entitled, why do you feel the need to inform everyone you’re pregnant.

Just because you’re pregnant doesn’t mean you need a seat. I wouldn’t offer a seat to someone wandering around with a badge on.

If you do need a seat, ask for one. I don’t actually care if you’re pregnant or not, if you need a seat because you’re pregnant or your leg is falling off, ask.