To be annoyed by commuters ignoring 'baby on board'?

[puffingalong]

I think the title summarises my gripe. The baby on board badge is not really working (sometimes it does, but not at rush hour and not the majority of the time). I could believe that the badge isn't noticeable enough, I don't think it's difficult in my case when you include my ginormous bump (I'm 7 months and my bump is on the large side, the rest of me pretty small).

In my experience, the majority of people sitting in the seats for disabled/pregnant/elderly people just don't bother looking up to check if anyone else needs those seats more than them.

I know I could ask for a seat but I'm too British! Has anyone found any fun shaming tactics for this situation?

My experience of public transport is no one even looks up from their phones at other passengers, let alone notice a pregnant woman

You'd need to ask I'm afraid

Yabu, people zone out during their commute, they won't even be noticing your bump never mind you badge. Or they might be worried to ask in case it's not a pregnancy, as sometimes it's hard to tell!
FWIW I didn't feel the need for a seat during any stage of my pregnancies, whereas my husband standing next to me who was recovering from chemotherapy could have done with a seat. You never know what's going on in someone's life. If you need a seat, just ask. It's really that simple.

I think the badges are a good thing. I've been in a situation before where I didnt know whether or not to offer my seat because a woman looked pregnant but she may not have been and I would have offended her. The badge takes away that worry for the person sitting and makes it more likely for the pregnant woman to get a seat.

I don't spend my commute constantly scanning the carriage for someone to give my seat to. I bury my head in a book / paper / Netflix and think about winning the lottery so I don't have to commute any more and worry about pregnant women out for revenge.

I hate those fucking badges. Just ask someone to move.

Please don't shame individuals into giving up their seat.

I look the picture of health alot of the time but I have a heart condition, an average blood pressure of 84/56 and I suffer from Anaemia most of the time thanks to frequent heamorrages that have never been resolved. If you shamed me, as I have been in the past, I would probably stand out of embarrassment but could easily end up fainting or becoming tachycardic because standing for long periods and being in a warm environment are triggers for me. I feel shit enough about my health without being shamed by members of the public.

I've had the whole "get up, you're a young thing and my legs are older than yours", being tapped on the legs with walking sticks, evil looks and passive aggressive comments from pregnant women. If you want a seat, ask generally, politely and without the intention of being as cruel or entitled as you come across in your OP.

Also, on a good day when I didn't have far to travel, I offered my seat to a woman in her early thirties who looked unmistakably heavily pregnant, was standing with her hand on her belly and was stroking it absentmindedly. She was generally slim but had an enormous "baby bump". She declined the seat offer but we chatted and she was lovely, we discovered we worked in the same field and had a similar cultural background. I very nearly asked when she was due and if it was her first baby etc but didn't want to be intrusive.

As fate would have it, the following night I was walking back to my hotel and I saw the exact same person standing outside having a cigarette and crying on her mobile phone to her boyfriend saying, "I'm just sick of it, everyone thinks I'm pregnant, I can't buy clothes to fit me anymore and I'm in constant pain and worn out with it all." She was in London to see some Gastrointentinal specialists at a teaching hospital and she was having no luck finding out what was causing her symptoms. She'd been investigated for cancer and other serious illnesses. She honestly did look unmistakably pregnant and after that I swore I would never enquire about a pregnancy or pass comment at all unless the other person brought it up first.

Many people have had similar experiences of mistaking a pregnancy so might be unlikely to offer a seat for fear of causing offence. You have to ask. That's just the way it is I'm afraid.

Nope. It's young men. Almost always. Then middle aged men. Hardly ever women. Women are the last to give up a seat.

Nope, middle aged men are the last to give up their seats. And most likely to take up too much space and encroach on a neighbouring seat.

I witnessed a man getting abuse when he offered a seat to a woman who he assumed was pregnant but wasn't. In the ensuing argument between them he shouted that he'd never offer to a female again

A pregnant idiot started a thread once about how when people offered her seats, she liked to embarrass them by pretending to be offended / upset that they thought she was pregnant. Way to encourage people to be considerate.

Nope, middle aged men are the last to give up their seats. And most likely to take up too much space and encroach on a neighbouring seat

Yes, either with their knees or their newspapers. Or both.

Why on earth would anyone shout at someone for offering them a seat? What is wrong with some women? I am always grateful for a seat despite being neither pregnant not disabled, unless I am getting out next stop, in which case I decline politely and say I am getting out soon.

I’m not excusing shouting, but it is pretty upsetting to be mistaken for being pregnant when you’re just fat or have another issue.

I've been asked for a seat on the tube by someone pregnant. I got up and gave it to them. I was reading my book and would never have noticed them. It's fine - much nicer just to ask than to be passive-aggressive about it.

People deliberately don’t look up when the train stops at a station because they don’t want to give up their seat.

I just don't think it's true that it's deliberate. If I'm on a longish journey, I read or snooze and I honestly don't even notice that the train has stopped at stations along the way.

Once you're used to doing the same journey frequently you just have an internal clock so you don't need to think about where the train is. I don't deliberately not look up at all.

I remember getting on a bus after my ankle operation when I was in a moonboot. A lady coming off the bus took umbrage to the fact that I'd got on swiftly (didnt need to be hit by crowds as it would take me time to get to a seat and I didn't want to fall when the bus moved) and started making nasty comments. I just looked her in the eye and pointed at the injured leg, when she shut up immediately. So, no, I dont recommend making shaming comments either. Unfortunately you are just assuming that your need is greater. Seats are limited on public transport and you can only ask.

Just ask. I commute every day and I could do it whilst sleeping/day dreaming. I’m reading my kindle and never look at anyone’s body/badge/face!

The badges are fine but people have their heads in newspapers, phones and minding their own business, so they don't actually get noticed as much as the wearers would like.

It's simple to ask politely if you want a seat. But if someone tried to "shame" me into giving up my seat because I don't look disabled/ill/pregnant/elderly enough I'd be pretty resentful.

I have arthritis but you wouldn't know it to look at me. I'm conscious that because I look much younger than my age people expect me to give up my seat. And I often do. But some days I just don't want to, because my legs are aching and I need it too.

If you need a seat, ask, being polite just means standing and if you need a seat then you need one. People do ignore, I've literally watched them look up, see the badge and bump, and put their head back down.

The badges are embarrassing. I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my third child and certainly no stranger to public transport, but I would always just ask for a seat if I needed one, the same way that anyone who might have difficulty standing should do.

Just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you need to sit down! Just ask, FFS.

By the way, been there a few times and survivied, without the silly badges.

The badge is only to back you up if you ask for a seat. You have a tongue in your head, use it.
YABU to expect people to be looking out for people in need

Ask. They just don't see you ... too busy on their phones, reading etc. They're unlikely to say no!

Agree with others you should ask. Pre pregnancies I was one of those people engrossed in my book/phone and just not noticing people who might need a seat unless it was really obvious. Post pregnancies I actively look around for them. A lot of people just aren't looking.

I commute. I am up at 5 am to start for 8 am. I finish at 8pm and have a 2 hr commute back. I sometimes stand for the journey but often I get on the train and pop some music on and relax because I’m working and travelling for about 16 hrs. So I’m not ignorant, I’m exhausted. However ask me and I’ll get up!

V sad that people's manners have changed so much in the last 30 years. Then no pregnant women would have expected to stand on the tube. But women have spent so many years saying pregnancy isn't an illness and fighting for the right to be treated equally manners have been left behind. Stand up stand proud

When I was pg I altered my working hours to get in early and leave early - much better. Also helped me to avoid the awful crush. That said I always got offered a seat, and had a badge on.
If you need to sit down, just say, 'do you mind if I sit down, I feel really sick'. That should shift em!