MIL and Staying over night

[DreadedDIL]

Hi,
My son is an only child 60. MIL on own lives around 40 mins away. We are taking her out Xmas eve and then will drop her back home. Xmas day OH will go to hers around 10, will have a little time with her on own, and then come here for dinner. Will take her back around 6.
But... OH feels she should stay poss Xmas eve and Xmas day,
But ... I feel what we do is sufficient. I like my little time Xmas eve after she had gone home, Xmas morning and Xmas day evening. I have my kids still here all adults. And she is not their grand mum. So I have to consider everyone. They don’t want her here either, so I think that is enough of a compromise

Thanks guys. It’s been helpful. Going to keep to my agreement. Tbh I think it’s more than fair and compromises with everyone. Given the facts more than fair.

Nope sorry as I said: step too far for me. Would make me and my kids completely miserable. So no joy at all for me and afterall I am doing all the hard work

I feel what we do is sufficient

Nothing says the joy and bounty and generosity of the festive season like behaving "sufficiently"! "We offer MIL one nut from the bowl, a single chocolate and one sherry (small), AIBU to think that she should be grateful for our pickings."

Ok I was a bit at first but since you've said she's not very nice to you and your kids, it makes things a bit different.
Tbh she's only alone overnight, I think it's ok for her not to stay over.

Is there a compromise on a taxi home for her on Christmas Day evening so your dh can have a drink or two and not drive loads?

No thanks. You don’t know her. Had her for the last 5 years for all of Xmas day. She doesn’t mellow. So thanks anyway. Having her night and day with no break would make us all miserable. So deciddd thanks

He doesn’t drink

Sufficient. Tbh think I am being over generous given the circs. Perhaps you haven’t read the whole thread.

The ONLY thing she isn’t being offered is staying over; that’s all

YANBU.

If DH doesn't want to drive he can do all the cleaning up afterwards on xmas day while you and one of your DCs do the MIL drop off. You'll come back to a nice clean organised house, nibbles and drinks all set out for the evening? No? :) Bet that idea would go down like a lead balloon! He'd soon suck up a bit of driving if that was the choice on offer

It is easy to say how sad that an elderly person will be alone at Christmas but, as seen here, things are not all plain sailing in families, particularly blended families.
My DM is a difficult older person. For the last two years I have suggested that if she wants to see me and the family over Christmas, we (my DSis and I) will pay for her to stay in a nearby hotel and collect and drop her off morning and evening. DM refuses this arrangement which is her prerogative and it makes the rest of us feel less guilty about her being alone.
Maybe your DH could offer similar if she wants to be with him at Christmas.

I think it's kind of mean actually, If my mother was alone like that I would be heart broken if my DH put me in a position where I had to say no to her staying over night for the Christmas......he would never do that though

You didn’t give enough information to start with, which is why you got those responses.

Based on your subsequent posts, I think you see enough of her without putting up with her anymore,

DH and i used to take it in turns each year to be the designated dropper offer of my mum. The one left behind would do a whip round and have a good clear up. We would actively look forward to being the one to do the driving. Easy job :)

Righty ho then.

Your mind’s made up.

YABU and horrible. You don't leave family on their own at Christmas.

OK I should have RTFT! Fair enough OP, I only read your original post before my first comment, which sounded harsh.

As I suspected, massive drip feed.

I really don't understand the mindset that everyone has to be miserable/suffer so one person isn't alone. If they're a miserable cow then they need to accept that there's consequences to actions. So either be kind and nice - be invited places, or continue to be nasty - be alone.

As a compromise, could you have her to stay over just for Christmas Eve and take her back a bit earlier on Christmas Day, perhaps with a turkey sandwich and a chunk of cake?

Honestly, if i spent the year being a bitch to everyone i'd be unsurprised to find i was 'alooooooone at xmas'.

You reap what you sow in life. It pays to remember that. No one owes you their time unconditionally.

And anyway - OP's MIL isn't even being left alone!!

I think you are being very generous. However one think stands out, your husband should speak to her about being rude to you and your children. That is so disrespectful to you. It could also make relations easier in the long run.
I have a similar set up to yours this year and shall not be extending an overnight visit. No way.

What? You have a son who is an only child. 60. What does that even mean? Then you say your kids (plural) are adults. Do you mean your DH is an only child and he’s 60? And your adult children are his stepchildren? Your post is ridiculous, but if I read some of it correctly, you don’t really want your MIL to stay at your house too long, as she interferes with your and your ADULT children’s Christmas, though very little concern for your DH’s Christmas. None of you sound very pleasant, so maybe she’s putting up with you and wondering how to get out of it. You sound pretty mean, tbh.

So many people are happy to post (quite aggressively) without bothering to read a thread through.

OP, I hope you haven’t married a cock lodger. Is your house protected? If something happens to you, will yo ur kids inherit?

Iamwagging: thankfully you don’t sound very nice either. Or thick. So will be ignoring your post.