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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dad smacked my son

187 replies

Jlpwife · 08/10/2019 09:57

Hi first time posting. Sorry if its long. I feel like I have no one to actually talk to and I am really upset.

When I was a child my mum left when I was little, she took two children with her and left two behind. Over the years the kids would swap which parent they was leaving with, it was horrible as I had a horrible childhood because which ever child lived with my dad he would smack, starve and beat us up (we never told anyone) he did it so no one knew. When my mum eventually found out what my dad was doing to us she got us from his house. I moved to my mums then after a few years I couldn't stand living with her so I choose to live with my dad again even if it meant he beat Me, to my surprise he was a changed man (that's what I thought) he was nice, loving and never layed a hand on me.

I got pregnant 3 years ago, as it was my first time pregnant they asked alot of questions, they found out what my dad was like when I was a child. The social workers got involved and put paperwork in place so my dad could still see my son but under supervision- me or my husband has to be there.

So about three weeks ago we went out for our usually Wednesday visit, my son is 2 half now and can be a bit of a handful in town. We was all there me, my dad, my son and two month old daughter. We all went back to my dad's, my son was running room to room.

My dad has toys on a lots of shelves and he hates my son touching them, I won't tell my son off for touching them as they are toys and I aint confusing him as it isn't far on him.
I was feeding my daughter and my son was in the kitchen with my dad only because he was running in and out the living room like he had ants in his pants, we heard my dad tell him off for touching something next minute we all heard a smack. Then my son came to me holding his head. my dad hit my son.

I remember that sound. I thought I'd give him a chance to explain so I asked my dad why my son is holding his head. He said he hit is head on a box in the kitchen, it was definitely not in the kitchen.
I stopped speaking to my dad and he text me a week later I ignored him then I finally texted him back explaining why I haven't been speaking to him, he texted back with a different story to what he explained what happen when I asked him on the day, he now saying my son hit is on a a tray when he tried grabbing it off him and then he said he hit on with the tray when he was taking it off him. I haven't spoken to him since as his story keeps changing. I know hand in heart he smacked my son around head, just like he did when I was little.

now my sisters are trying to make me speak to him again, I can't. Since it has happened I have been having flash backs, I haven't stopped crying since
My sisters are on his side, saying I should apologise and speak to him again. I have just found out I aint allowed to go to my sisters wedding and she doesn't want to see my children as she will find it hard to spend time with them and then see my dad. Can't believe they are choosing him after everything he has done. Past and present
Really sorry for the long story. I'm so upset 😭

OP posts:

Ninkaninus · 09/10/2019 12:34

*any way

(And just to be clear that is wholly separate to the issue wrt OP’s father)

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 09/10/2019 12:35

@Jlpwife you are absolutely 100% doing the right thing to keep your poor baby boy and tiny baby girl away from your arsehole father.
He sounds like an absolute *unt to buy toys for a toddler and then not allow him to play with them.
It is absolutely not alright for him to hit your child but especially over the head.
We'll done for standing up to your sister too. She is completely wrong.

Basil90 · 09/10/2019 12:35

Your family sound so chaotic

MrsPMT · 09/10/2019 12:40

OP and @LynetteScavo I have also reported and asked for the thread to be moved. @Jlpwife you might need to report it yourself for it to happen.

AIBU attracts lots of negative attention and posts in general.

MrsPMT · 09/10/2019 12:43

I'd like to watch the thread and put or (or or , whatever your tipple OP) after every negative post.

But obviously RL gets in the way sometimes, take care OP.

ScruffGin · 09/10/2019 15:25

Wow there are some people on here with skewed boundaries...

You're doing great, you did the right thing, and there's never an excuse for hitting a toddler in the head.

Generally if there's a priceless heirloom, be it porcelain or Lego, moving it up to a level a two year old can't reach is pretty easy. Buying a two year old toys then telling them they can't touch them is setting them up to fail. The cycle is not repeating itself as you won't let this happen again, your little boy trusts you and will never see his grandad again. Ignore any relatives that seem to think your should be ok with this and ignore any idiots on here who seem to think there's ever an excuse for hitting a toddler!

LynetteScavo · 09/10/2019 16:18

@Jlpwife Mumsnet have told me you need to ask to have the thread moved to another topic (maybe Relationships?) If you slide left on a post you'll see a report button.

Original poster

Jlpwife · 09/10/2019 16:25

@lynettescavo
Thank you so much for your help. Iv done it hopeful its done soon.

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 09/10/2019 19:52

If my post saying bitches had shown themselves on this thread could be deleted within minutes yesterday evening, why hasn't MNHQ just moved the thread thee hours after the OP requested?

cloudwednesday · 09/10/2019 20:00

How horrible a reminder of your own childhood this must be, as well as being awful for your son. The good thing is that now you are the adult, and the parent- you are in control. The only option is to cut contact with your father completely I feel- even your son being in supervised contact with him will be harmful emotionally given what happened. I would also phone social work, if you are aware of your father having any unsupervised contact with other children.

Anonmummyoftwo · 11/10/2019 15:30

At two years of age a child sees a toy a collectable or not all a child sees is a toy and they want to play. If he didnt want the child reaching for them he should of put them out of sight. He smacked your son for being a child. Your sisters are just as bad trying to get you to say sorry for this man hitting your child. You know firsthand he has a violent temper and you gave him one chance he blew it. You should not feel guilty in any way. You tried to have your dad involved in his grandchilds life even after the abuse you suffered and he showed he still has a violent streak in him so you are protecting your child like any good mother would. You are in no way wrong and should not feel like it xx

msmith501 · 11/10/2019 16:52

@MNHQ

This thread was flagged as suitable for moving several days ago. It might be that the OP has to specifically request it but even a cursory glance at the more recent OP posts suggest that she's rather have it deleted. Might be good to reach out to her and be proactive?

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