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Original poster

Dad smacked my son

187 replies

Jlpwife · 08/10/2019 09:57

Hi first time posting. Sorry if its long. I feel like I have no one to actually talk to and I am really upset.

When I was a child my mum left when I was little, she took two children with her and left two behind. Over the years the kids would swap which parent they was leaving with, it was horrible as I had a horrible childhood because which ever child lived with my dad he would smack, starve and beat us up (we never told anyone) he did it so no one knew. When my mum eventually found out what my dad was doing to us she got us from his house. I moved to my mums then after a few years I couldn't stand living with her so I choose to live with my dad again even if it meant he beat Me, to my surprise he was a changed man (that's what I thought) he was nice, loving and never layed a hand on me.

I got pregnant 3 years ago, as it was my first time pregnant they asked alot of questions, they found out what my dad was like when I was a child. The social workers got involved and put paperwork in place so my dad could still see my son but under supervision- me or my husband has to be there.

So about three weeks ago we went out for our usually Wednesday visit, my son is 2 half now and can be a bit of a handful in town. We was all there me, my dad, my son and two month old daughter. We all went back to my dad's, my son was running room to room.

My dad has toys on a lots of shelves and he hates my son touching them, I won't tell my son off for touching them as they are toys and I aint confusing him as it isn't far on him.
I was feeding my daughter and my son was in the kitchen with my dad only because he was running in and out the living room like he had ants in his pants, we heard my dad tell him off for touching something next minute we all heard a smack. Then my son came to me holding his head. my dad hit my son.

I remember that sound. I thought I'd give him a chance to explain so I asked my dad why my son is holding his head. He said he hit is head on a box in the kitchen, it was definitely not in the kitchen.
I stopped speaking to my dad and he text me a week later I ignored him then I finally texted him back explaining why I haven't been speaking to him, he texted back with a different story to what he explained what happen when I asked him on the day, he now saying my son hit is on a a tray when he tried grabbing it off him and then he said he hit on with the tray when he was taking it off him. I haven't spoken to him since as his story keeps changing. I know hand in heart he smacked my son around head, just like he did when I was little.

now my sisters are trying to make me speak to him again, I can't. Since it has happened I have been having flash backs, I haven't stopped crying since
My sisters are on his side, saying I should apologise and speak to him again. I have just found out I aint allowed to go to my sisters wedding and she doesn't want to see my children as she will find it hard to spend time with them and then see my dad. Can't believe they are choosing him after everything he has done. Past and present
Really sorry for the long story. I'm so upset 😭

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 08/10/2019 11:39

Sometimes 2 year olds don't do as they're told. Your child is normal.

Your dad shouldnt hit them. I'd cut him off.

Original poster
Jlpwife · 08/10/2019 11:39

Yeah they are proper toys,simspons, toy story etc...

I didn't want to tell him off and let him think he can never play 😭

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 08/10/2019 11:39

It doesn’t matter if he hit your child on his head or anywhere else. He shouldn’t have hit him. You can never leave your child alone with him again.
You do need to teach him to leave other people’s stuff alone though.

Original poster
Jlpwife · 08/10/2019 11:42

I do tell him at other people's houses, he is really good at other house, he only plays with things that they say he is allowed. Sometimes he trys to touch what he isn't allowed he is only two but I tell him no and he doesn't touch again.

My dad's toys are toys, simspons, robots, toy story

OP posts:
messolini9 · 08/10/2019 11:43

now my sisters are trying to make me speak to him again, I can't.
You don't have to speak to him again.
Your sisters are acting as his flying monkeys, trying to hoover you back into the twisted dynamic. D not listen to them, you know what he did to your son.

My sisters are on his side, saying I should apologise and speak to him again
APOLOGISE?
What for? Your sisters are barking.
You know what your dad is & what he did to you, your siblings, & now your son.
You are 'lucky' - because you have seen the abuse for what it is, & are rejecting it. Your sisters, for whatever complicated reasons, cannot see beyond the dysfunction & are trapped in a relationship where they excuse & normalise your dad's behaviour.

Stand up for your son, even though it means standing against yoru dad & sisters. It isn't easy being the only one who can perceive the truth of what yoru dad is, but it is simple. He hit your son, & cannot be allowed to do so again.

You may have to go NC. You may also want to contact the social work team again - they will support you & bolster your sense of how wrongly your dad & sisters are acting. Do you have people in real life you can talk to? - talking to functional people who will help you see that you are in the right will help you stay strong.

Good luck OP, & keep looking forward.

Leaannb · 08/10/2019 11:46

Your father is a massive douxhe canoe and should never see you or your family. However, were these "toys" things that your son is allowed to play with or were they collectors items?

theretheirtheyrenotno · 08/10/2019 11:50

Don't worry about the toys on the shelf, I think it's horrible and would never tease a child like that. But you're not going back are you? So he can have his fucking untouched toys all he wants.

Sorry you had such a shit childhood!

Straycatstrut · 08/10/2019 11:51

You do whatever you have to do to protect your child. You don't want your child getting even a hint of that kind of childhood.

Good on your for not standing for it and being bullied into believing it never happend, or that it's okay, or a one off, or any of that bollocks.

This happened with ex's dad and my 2 year old. I wasn't there, I was miles away. 6yo came home visably shaken and told me "Grandad hit him" pointing to 2yo. Ex FIL's explanation is that he "tapped him gently on the bottom".... but whatever he did was enough to scare my eldest who couldn't let it go. I went mad and caused a big fued between ex & his dad, but it's never happened since. Both boys are old enough to tell me straight away if someone touches them now.

It's disgusting your sisters are taking your dads side. You don't need people like that in your life xx

ImNotYourGranny · 08/10/2019 11:52

Doesn't matter whether they were toys, collectors items or Ming dynasty vases. You don't hit a 2 year old round the head, hard enough that it can be heard in another room.

RickOShay · 08/10/2019 11:53

@LadyAndiBella WTAF?
You honestly think it’s ok to hit a 2 yo on the head for touching a toy?
You need to re think that.
@Jlpwife What happened was not your fault or your son’s fault, it was 100% your father’s fault. You have given him the chance to be a grandfather, and he has blown it.
It’s NOT your fault in any way.
Flowers

Windydaysuponus · 08/10/2019 11:55

Ignore your dsis. They will end up with ss involvement if they continued to be blinkered.
Concentrate on your ds.
Enjoy the peace away from the lot of them ime...

MayFayner · 08/10/2019 11:56

I can’t believe there’s more than one poster on this thread carrying on with this “your kid shouldn’t be touching people’s stuff” shite.

If the grandfather didn’t want certain toys touched he should have put them out of reach, or away, or distracted the child with another toy, or at the very least opened his mouth and said “no, don’t touch that one”. There’s no excuse or “reason” for hitting a child.

OP, it wasn’t your fault, it was 100% your father’s fault and for the sake of your DC you have to keep away from him now. Sad that your sisters have sided with him but you have your own family now, concentrate on them.

MyDcAreMarvel · 08/10/2019 12:01

My dad's toys are toys, simspons, robots, toy story
So a collection then, your dad isn’t playing with them ,they are display items. Teaching your ds to respect others property won’t confuse him.
In no way excuses hitting him though.

slipperywhensparticus · 08/10/2019 12:04

It doesnt matter what your son was doing physical violence is unacceptable I have hit my daughter once she was just about to grab à red hit oven shelf and I couldnt reach her to grab her properly so I swatted her hands away I literally had no choice it broke my heart

slipperywhensparticus · 08/10/2019 12:04

Hot oven tray ffs she is 19 now

theretheirtheyrenotno · 08/10/2019 12:05

@MyDcAreMarvel come on they're toys, would you really expect a grandfather to get them off a shelf sit on the rug and play with them?

It's like putting a jar of sweets on a table and saying to GS you can't have them.

Yes all children need to understand not to touch items but why would a GP be so horrible?

I'm sure the OP doesn't let him touch fragile things etc.

Unnecessarily testing and cruel IMO.

girlanonymous · 08/10/2019 12:11

I know your son is only 2, but is he able to explain to you what happened? Or did he immediately tell you when he came to you holding his head? How he got his owie?

I know every parent is different but I will never be ok with anyone smacking a 2 year old. Especially when the 2 year old is just acting like a 2 year old.

I can't offer any other advice because I had a different childhood to yours growing up. But I do feel confused as to why your sisters took his side instead after everything.

Rachelover60 · 08/10/2019 12:19

This reply has been deleted

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babyrefusesfood · 08/10/2019 12:23

@rachelover60 your manners need are appalling, were you raised in a barn?

Op - ignore the idiots. You’ve done nothing wrong.

GeneHuntLover · 08/10/2019 12:23

He'd never see me or my son again, the nasty twat.

And what sort of person has toys on display knowing that a small child is coming round, and then won't let the child touch or play with them? I'm sure OP would have stopped her son touching stuff if it wasn't fucking toys!

Zebraaa · 08/10/2019 12:24

Your attitude about letting your son do whatever he wants is wrong! Now he’s faced the consequences you don’t like it.

I don’t agree with smacking him on the head but you shouldn’t let him touch other people’s belongings if they don’t want him to.

TheFurminator · 08/10/2019 12:26

@rachelover60 ... from this harrowing story of an abusive and disrupted childhood, about to be revisited on the next generation, you think the important thing to note is the OP's grammar?

Wow you must have tragically low self-esteem if you have to kick down at someone in the OP's situation to make you feel better about yourself.

Original poster
Jlpwife · 08/10/2019 12:27

@Rachelover60
Yes I did go to school, I have dyslexia. I was crying at the time writing it as I was arguing with my sister

Yeah he is a horrible man and he isn't seeing any of the kids again

OP posts:
Sunshineonleith12 · 08/10/2019 12:29

@Rachelover60
Asking if you are or have been at risk of domestic abuse is standard practice when you are pregnant.
Your comments regarding the OPs education are unnecessarily nasty.

Idea86 · 08/10/2019 12:29

Rachrlover60 - Did you bother reading the post? "They" refering to social services....
Whether op went to school or not is irrelevant, back off with the grammar crap. OP's not come on Mumsnet for an English lesson from the likes of you.

OP: Run in the other direction, stay away from your dad. This family dynamic is messed up, and your son shouldn't be exposed to this behaviour. If your sisters continue to pressure you into putting yourself in this uncomfortable situation, then cut them off too.
You don't need people like this in your lives, move on and try and seek therapy for any residue damage from the abuse you endured in your childhood.

Wishing you the best.

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