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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:
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Original poster
WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 10:11

Well, I'm glad the general consensus is that we didn't perform some unspoken cake related breach of etiquette.

I of course wouldn't have let DD eat it if there were other children there, but on this occasion there were not, and I assumed that with plenty of food, including more "adult" sweet things, there would be no issue with her eating a cake she had bought herself!

OP posts:
CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt · 08/10/2019 10:11

Ew, what a horrible man. Good on both of you for recognising how daft he sounded!

ReanimatedSGB · 08/10/2019 10:12

It sounds like he's rude and greedy about food rather than specifically sexist, but YANBU at all and I hope your DD didn't hear what he said. There is nothing wrong with a child buying themselves an additional treat with their own money when there is plenty of nice food for everyone else.

Lulualla · 08/10/2019 10:14

He sounds like such a dick.

He had a huge selection of sweet and savoury, which you had paid for but he wanted (probably half) of his granddaughters cake? I would have been a bit more harsh towards him than either you or your husband. Especially over the "stuffing" comment. She had one slice of cake during a day trip out... he has no right to say something that horrible to her.

Even the idea that he waited until you left means he was watching her eating it whilst being pissed off he didn't have any (despite having his own treats) and he spent the rest of the day thinking about it. That, plus what he did to his nephew, shows he's just a greedy, selfish man.

Pinkyyy · 08/10/2019 10:14

She should have eaten it before she got there. It's extremely rude to turn up as a guest with food that's for yourself, regardless of what you brought to share. It's poor manners and I'd feel embarrassed to sit in someone else's home eating something I wasn't willing to share.

Zebraaa · 08/10/2019 10:15

@PlasticPatty

“Your father in law is a cunt. Your baby bought her own cake, saved it until after her meal then ate it. She's a good, lovely child and your father in law can roll it and stuff it.”

A cunt? He was out of order but hardly a cunt Hmm
Also, she’s not a baby. She’s a 12 year old. How do you know she’s a good lovely Child?
Bizarre post.

YANBU OP. A slice of cake is for her to eat. He was jealous and childish!

Sunshineandflipflops · 08/10/2019 10:15

I don't think YABU and I certainly don't think your DD was either! She is 12, was at her grandparents house and everyone has something sweet to eat! Even if they hadn't, my parents wouldn't for one second think about having a go at my kids for eating something sweet at their house (as they regularly do!).

If they were that bothered they would have asked for a taste and my kids would have obliged!

notso · 08/10/2019 10:15

But if that was my 12yr old I would have told her to save the cake to eat on the way home

Why? Everyone else had a selection of sweet stuff to eat, why shouldn't the Ops DD have her own cake?

I'd just feel it wasn't good manners.
We went to a family bbq once where we were served sausages and burgers which were perfectly nice but the hosts also cooked steaks and chicken kebabs just for themselves. I found it weird and rude.

CalmdownJanet · 08/10/2019 10:16

Did your fil offer your dd some of his chocolate torte? No? Because if he didn't he is a massive hypocrite

Comefromaway · 08/10/2019 10:16

Are you joking? Its a sweet treat for a 12 year old.
What kind of weirdo eats any kind of cake in two goes?

Me. Everything in moderation is my rule. I (and dd) generally find that pre sliced cake you buy from cafes/stalls etc are too big to eat in one go so we either buy one piece to share between us it cut it in half to have one piece now and another piece later/tomorrow.

But that doesn't alter the fact that the cake was dd's bought with her ow money as a special treat and fil was acting like big baby.

Egghead68 · 08/10/2019 10:16

I think she should have saved it to eat at home.

However your FIL was rude. Is this normal for him? Do you think there is any chance he might be getting dementia?

Ninkaninus · 08/10/2019 10:16

You should have been more forceful IMO.

She bought it with her own money, there was absolutely no obligation to share it and your FIL is odd as well as rude for making an issue of it. Who begrudges their grandchild enjoying a special treat, fgs!

sarahjconnor · 08/10/2019 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IceCreamBrain · 08/10/2019 10:18

I don't think she should have been expected to share it, but I do think she was rude to take it to their house and eat it. She should have kept it until you got home again, and if it wouldn't keep (really? Hmm) she should have been told to wait until the next time you visited the market to buy it.

krustykittens · 08/10/2019 10:18

He sounds like a bully. Everyone else had something sweet as a treat and the child bought it out of her own money. And it was a single slice!

Sunshineandflipflops · 08/10/2019 10:19

She should have eaten it before she got there. It's extremely rude to turn up as a guest with food that's for yourself, regardless of what you brought to share. It's poor manners and I'd feel embarrassed to sit in someone else's home eating something I wasn't willing to share.

She's a child! She is not rude and she shouldn't have had to wait! Her grandparents should have enjoyed seeing her enjoy the cake she bought with her own money!

Original poster
WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 10:19

DD did hear, but I think she's fine, that's why I made the sugar comment. She's recently got her periods and we've a silly running joke between us about "sugahhhhhhh",so she would have got that I was turning FIL's comment into the butt of our own joke, if that makes sense (it probably doesn't, but you know)

Oh God, the duck shortbread incident. Never will I forget. It was like a bad comedy sketch. FIL practically tipped his head back and opened his mouth as wide as it to go before chomping down half the thing. DN was inconsolable "my DUCKIE HEAAAD" and FIL got annoyed and called him selfish. I saw a video recently of a catfish throwing itself out of some water to catch and eat ducklings and it brought it all back

OP posts:
KatyCarrCan · 08/10/2019 10:21

From FIL's pov it looked as though DD was given first choice of all the cakes. She took the 'best/most interesting/largest' one and didn't even check if anyone else wanted it or wanted to try it. So DD did look very rude.
I wouldn't have taken the cake slice in but if I had, then I'd have explained why DD had her own cake that no-one else was allowed to have.

Teddybear45 · 08/10/2019 10:21

Could the sharing comment be a thinly veiled attempt at suggesting your DD shouldn’t have eaten such a sugar laden cake? My cousin often gives her obese son ‘treats’ like the cake regularly so they are less treats and more the cause of his obesity. That’s probably the only situation where I think he might have had a point. Otherwise no your DD shouldn’t be made to share if you have already gotten similar things for other people

64sNewName · 08/10/2019 10:21

V v bizarre and uptight to expect a child who spends some pocket money on a treat to eat it discreetly/in private/‘later’ so as not to offend her own grandparents. Some people are so peculiar about food.

The anecdote about the shortbread duck is just Shock

Comefromaway · 08/10/2019 10:22

Thats awful. I assume your nephew is very young. If a relative had done that to a child of mine at that age I'd be making sure he never saw him again.

WarshipWarrior · 08/10/2019 10:23

Ew hes one of those superior entitled people. Hate it. I would do as PP suggested and ask to share his stuff everytime. Biscuit half way into his mouth - ARE YOU GOING TO OFFER SOME OF THAT FIL? then tut at his rudeness when he says no. Who takes food/expects food off a CHILD. So weird.

Pinkyyy · 08/10/2019 10:24

@Sunshineandflipflops don't be ridiculous, she's 12 not 5. By that age surely she should have learned some manners. OP you were rude to allow it to happen. My children would have given it to their grandparents before sitting and eating it in front of them. It's a slice of cake and is easily replaceable.

OwlBeThere · 08/10/2019 10:24

Even if the only food provided had been the cake, I wouldn’t have expected her to share. You know, what with her being a child and everyone else adults. Hmm your FIL is a ridiculous, embarrassing human being.

64sNewName · 08/10/2019 10:25

DN was inconsolable "my DUCKIE HEAAAD" and FIL got annoyed and called him selfish.

W
t
f

Please tell me someone pulled FiL up for this arseholery.