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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
notso · 10/10/2019 14:44

Yes he his. But the key point of your fictional scenario is that there is no dessert bought for anyone else. Which isn't what happened in this real life instance.
Yes but initially that is how to me and others read the first post. I initially answered before the OP decided remembered to add about the other desserts.

MCP86 · 10/10/2019 14:44

BertrandRussell

“I just think it is greedy to eat cake and sweets given to you as a treat , then moan about the fact that a child had the one she choose and paid for. “

I agree. I think everyone on the thread does.

No, not everybody agrees.
Many people are saying that the issue is that dd's cake was different to the others, and therefore should have shared.
Many said she should have kept her cake in the car and ate one of the pastries instead.
Somebody even said that granddad would have felt like he missed out on a treat and that dd was getting special treatment.

notso · 10/10/2019 14:52

So what if the roles were reversed, your mum was buying/eating and you declined.
After sitting diwn with her tea cake, she doesnt offer some. would you have thought she was rude?
No of course not, I've declined her offer.

FeckOffGraham · 10/10/2019 14:53

@notso

Totally different, as he's a grown man, presumably with more income than the op's dd. And they did all have dessert and a full meal beforehand. The dd just had a particular cake she fancied and bought with pocket money.

Even in the scenario you've just described, I don't know if I'd find it a major social faux pas. Just a bit quirky. I'd think "god, he must have some sweet tooth" and that would be that.

I'd also, if I was buying food for everyone and one of them snuck off to buy a cake, I'd probably want make sure everyone else had pudding too. Just like the op did.

Going to someone's house (both adults) and bringing a donut is completely different. I wouldn't bat an eyelid at that if a friend did it. I would assume they had skipped lunch / dinner and needed it. If I'm hungry and they're eating a donut in my house, I'll go and get myself something and offer something to them too, as I'm the host. Doing anything else is really mean spirited and mealy mouthed behaviour.

DarlingNikita · 10/10/2019 14:53

notso, that's a bit of a disingenuous claim.

And my previous point on the initial post, before the OP said everyone had cake, still stands – some people on here were weirdly keen to assume the worst/not apply a common-sense supposition.

Witchinaditch · 10/10/2019 14:57

Oh my after arguing through this thread I’ve just seen that there was desert for everyone. In that instance no you don’t share your cake! 😂 how did I miss that!? Was it a drip feed?

MCP86 · 10/10/2019 14:58

notso
So indulge me,
OP her DH and DD go to the marketwithFIL.
They all buy food for lunch but no desserts. FIL wanders off and buys himself a slice of the instagram cake.
They eat lunch and afterwards FIL pulls out his cake and eats it all to himself.
There is nothing sweet for anyone else.
Is the FIL rude or not?

See, I'd think this was odd that he did it secretly and kept mute about it. But not odd or rude that he sits and eats it all to himself.
But if it was a case of him simply picking it up while we separated and wondered around alone and had forgotten it was in his bag, then i would think absolutely nothing of it.

notso · 10/10/2019 15:03

Boo @FeckOffGraham you didn't really answer.
Totally different, as he's a grown man, presumably with more income than the op's dd. My teenage daughter has more disposable income than my parents. That's by the by though.

Even in the scenario you've just described, I don't know if I'd find it a major social faux pas. Just a bit quirky.
Would you do it though?

Butterbeeeen · 10/10/2019 15:04

Ii have not read the whole thread but I am flabbergasted by the posters who think it’s rude for the child to take a single slice of cake to her grandparents house and eat it. What is wrong with families these days. If any of my dc took a cake or anything else to their grandparents house no one would bat an eyelid. If anyone wanted a taste they would ask. The world has gone mad.

BertrandRussell · 10/10/2019 15:05

“ how did I miss that!? Was it a drip feed?”

Yes. I changed my mind once I knew that too.
However we’ve now moved it to how completely polite and normal never to share anything food related. Unless you’re lost in a wilderness.

notso · 10/10/2019 15:11

notso, that's a bit of a disingenuous claim.
What is?

notso · 10/10/2019 15:13

However we’ve now moved it to how completely polite and normal never to share anything food related. Unless you’re lost in a wilderness.

Grin
notso · 10/10/2019 15:28

Ii have not read the whole thread...The world has gone mad.
Maybe read the thread before deciding that, it's about cake.

MellowBird85 · 10/10/2019 15:57

This thread has got grotesquely out of hand.

FeckOffGraham · 10/10/2019 15:58

@notes

I have answered, no, I wouldn't find it rude, just a bit quirky.

I wouldn't do it myself, but then I wouldn't buy a cake because I saw it on insta. That's something preteens and teenagers get worked up about, not adults.

TanyaChix · 10/10/2019 16:01

Your FIL is a dickhead

Blue7 · 10/10/2019 16:02

So if I'm out with all my family at the local pub in the beer garden and all the adults are having a drink and catch up. I then decide to treat my Niece to a baar of chocolate.

  1. I wouldn't buy the adults any chocolate.
  2. My Niece would eat the chocolate in front of the adults.
  3. I wouldn't expect Niece to share it with the adults.
  4. If anyone moaned I'd tell them to get a grip and stop being so childish.
  5. I would however buy all the children with us something.
Blue7 · 10/10/2019 16:04

MellowBird85

It really has, but I haven't got much on.

CormacMcLaggen · 10/10/2019 16:06

OP what thread have you created!

It's cake-gate. Cake

In years we'll be saying 'Yeah... X is a right fucking cake-wanting-duck-head-destroying CF'. I think penis beaker has been delegated.

CasanovaFrankenstein · 10/10/2019 16:11

OP, your mistake was not to put an inventory of the load of food in the first post. As no-one seemed to think that lunch would have included a dessert as well.

UrghJustUrgh · 10/10/2019 16:13

Op, you're going to need another thread...

Catsinthecupboard · 10/10/2019 16:13

You should have purchased a piece for the adults. It is rude to eat something in front of everyone at a shared meal.

I would have said, "you buy your own piece if you don't want to share, but I am buying for grandparents bc it looks great and they may want some."

Obviously it IS rude to have some food for only one person at any meal unless there is a medical reason.

notso · 10/10/2019 16:16

I wouldn't do it myself,
Why not?
but then I wouldn't buy a cake because I saw it on insta. That's something preteens and teenagers get worked up about,
No my hypothetical FIL didn't buy it based on its instagram popularity, he just likes rose gold, haribo and lolly laden cake. Although plenty of adults do indeed buy stuff because of Instagram.

Snoopdogsbitch · 10/10/2019 16:19

PinkyyI'm so glad that you're happy: that is all that's important in this life. I suppose that over the years I've just seen too many bright kids drift away from school to end up with no choices because of this and in poorly paid jobs they don't want to be in. It makes me so sad, especially if I've put my heart into teaching them. Very occasionally I hear of one of them who, like you, made it happen anyway, but sadly it's rare.

FeckOffGraham · 10/10/2019 16:21

@notso

If a cake had a very special significance for me, like Instagram does for preteens and I could only afford one of them and my only opportunity to buy one was just before we saw other people for lunch, they were close relatives and we had bought them all lunch already, plus pudding, yes I would 100% do it. And i would enjoy it. Mwahahahaha!