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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:
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7
OwlBeThere · 08/10/2019 10:38

If my kids go and their grandparents they get offered cake, and the nice biscuits and no one expects them to share. Jesus Christ. How on earth is it rude for a child to eat some cake in her GRANDPARENTS house. This place is ridiculous with made up petty rules about what’s ‘rude’ or not.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/10/2019 10:38

Take him a piece of the same cake next time and wait for him to share it

Absolutely! He needs to set a good example.

BertrandRussell · 08/10/2019 10:39

I expect a 12 year old to have adult manners....but sadly I think I am increasingly unusual in this!

I would expect the man to have adult manners too, of course!

StormTreader · 08/10/2019 10:39

Sounds like hes just a self-centered man. He probably has been used to and expects the best cuts off the roast and the first pick of the rest. Would he have expected a share of cake if you'd bought the slice for yourself, or is it only children where he feels entitled to a large tithe of their treats?

thebakerwithboobs · 08/10/2019 10:39

Am I the only one impressed at the restraint of the twelve year old child, buying cake and not eating it until after dinner?!

donethinkin · 08/10/2019 10:40

@Pinkyyy there is nothing wrong with what she did. Firstly, they were visitors so should be treated with grace and secondly, they’d purchased food and taken it round. Visitors do not purchase food in our family so they are already doing more than they should. It’s nirnally the hosts job to provide. She is a child who purchased cake with her own money. Why on earth does a grown man want coloured cake with sweets on it anyway? It’s not healthy and it’s a child’s treat. He needs to learn to control himself and be a gracious host. He is utterly wrong here.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/10/2019 10:40

No, next time tell him you got him a piece, then proceed to painstakingly share it out between everyone and make sure to give him the smallest piece. Dickhead.

Even better!

Lulualla · 08/10/2019 10:40

@Pinkyyy

So instead of being sensible about choosing the right quantity and type of food for the people eating it, you would buy all the adult food plus get everyone a slice of a child's cake just incase they want some, and then a pile of food goes in the bin? That's an idiotic lesson to teach.

When you're buying for people, you buy what you know they like. And you make sure the kids get something they like. Which is exactly what OP did.

Tillyfloss1 · 08/10/2019 10:41

YANBU and your FIL is an idiot. He should also be mindful using that type of language about eating in front of a young girl. She was obviously excited about it and bought it for herself she deserved to enjoy it. Stupid man.

Original poster
WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 10:41

BertrandRussell I'd agree if DD had the lone piece of cake there, but when I think about it, I'm not sure there was two of any sweet thing, they were all different. We got those big white patisserie variety box things. So DD was eating the lone rose gold cake, but FIL was eating (for example) the lone chocolate rasberry torte, and he certainly wasn't offering round a bite

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/10/2019 10:42

Am I the only one impressed at the restraint of the twelve year old child, buying cake and not eating it until after dinner?!

No - I, too, am impressed.

I would have devoured that before I'd got back to the car. Grin

flouncyfanny · 08/10/2019 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nearlyalmost50 · 08/10/2019 10:43

I don't think your dd did anything terribly wrong, but I probably would have said 'oh dd's bought herself a special piece of cake, don't worry, I've bought you these instead'. It is slightly unusual for one person to get out a dessert different than everyone elses and not offer it/eat it all by themselves. But, he was rude and they should have been grateful you brought lots of stuff!

Tractorgirlz · 08/10/2019 10:43

Your guests were the grandparents. They should understand if their DGD has bought a slice of cake with her own pocket money! He sounds intolerable! Next time he eats anything I’d make a point of saying “are you sharing that? Or are you stuffing your face?” I’d understand if she’d brought an entire cake round and didn’t share it but a slice?! He sounds like a petulant child.

Lulualla · 08/10/2019 10:44

@BertrandRussell

So how would you have handled this.

They bought lovely, fresh food for everyone from a market. They got a selection of sweet treats for after. The child, like most children, didn't want the grown up dessert. So should the child have had nothing? Or should they have bought a sweet covered child's cake for everyone?

Fairness doesn't mean treating everyone exactly the same. You teach your children to be fair... by making sure everyone is catered for. Which is exactly what they did. What would you have done?

donethinkin · 08/10/2019 10:44

Oh and overall grandparents should be indulging and spoiling their grandkids not the other way around. My grandfather treated me like a princess. If I’d tried sharing a piece of my cake he would have shoved it back on my plate and said no it’s yours darling. That’s what decent, generous, indulgent, adult men do. Chivalry. I adored him. That’s the way it should be. It’s the parents job to do the boring discipline. He’s fighting the wrong battle. What a shame. My grandfather was my hero and even now 50 years after his death I idolise and won’t hear a bad word about him. He’s lost that. That’s worth more than a measly share of a piece of damn cake. Stupid man.

Nearlyalmost50 · 08/10/2019 10:44

In that case, fair enough, usually there is some discussion about who is going to eat what though in these cases!

Seren10 · 08/10/2019 10:45

I am literally sitting here open mouthed at some of these replies OP!

Of course your daughter is allowed to buy a slice of cake WITH HER OWN MONEY and eat it... wherever she likes! FIL is a rude idiot.

I cannot believe the responses, honestly.

YANBU x100000000000

damncats · 08/10/2019 10:45

I think your FIL was out of order, but I do think your DD should have been encouraged to keep her cake for when you weren’t in company if she was going to be eating differently to the rest of the group. I’m not entirely sure why I think that though...

It’s not unheard of for people to share a slice of bought cake though, especially if it’s a large slice and piled up with icing or sweets. Or maybe that’s just in our house.

Sunshineandflipflops · 08/10/2019 10:45

@Pinkyyy Please don't call me ridiculous, that's just rude and way worse than a 12 year old CHILD not sharing her cake that she bought with her own money with a grown adult. I think it's perhaps you who needs to learn some manners.

andyoldlabour · 08/10/2019 10:46

"How is your DD supposed to share 1 slice of cake between (at least) 5 people? Is she Jesus?"

Exactly - loaves and fishes Grin
Reminds me of when we went out with three friends (so, five of us in total) to a Persian restaurant and four people had the lamb chops which were supposed to be very good. I don't eat lamb chops so went for one of the kebab dishes which I love. When the food arrived, one of the friends asked me if I was going to share my food as it looked so good. The friend looked a little put out, when I explained that would be a non starter.
The FiL in this case was being an idiot.

IceCreamBrain · 08/10/2019 10:48

I'm with you @Pinkyyy, I'm shocked that so many people think what she did is acceptable.

And to everyone saying it's one slice of cake you can't share it, of course you can. In my family is absolutely normal to offer people a bite of something - I'd absolutely expect children to offer a bite of something if they have the only one of it (obviously the FIL's idea of a bite and mine might be different of course judging by the duck biscuit incident).

I also think he was right to say something, perhaps he passed it badly, but if her parents aren't going to teach her proper manners, I think it's right her grandparents step in and do so. Otherwise she'll end up like the weird barbecuing adults mentioned upthread.

Yummymummy2020 · 08/10/2019 10:48

Honestly, I wouldn’t have given a second thought to a 12 year old eating a piece of cake, nor would I expect them to share it with me! As others mentioned, had there been other children I would view it differently but given you had provided other deserts which I dare say probably cost a lot more than the one piece of cake your daughter bought herself , it was very greedy and mean for him to pass comment at all! I find it odd he wasn’t thanking you instead of implying you are not teaching your child manners! Some people😂😂😂

BarbariansMum · 08/10/2019 10:50

Bit rude to take a piece of cake round to someone else's house then sit there eating it tbh. Your dd is only a child but she is old enough to be gently guided in good manners. She should have kept the cake to eat at home.

Pinkyyy · 08/10/2019 10:50

@BertrandRussell not unusual in my circle, so you're certainly not alone.

@Lulualla I didn't say the OP needed to buy the same for everyone. Just that she shouldn't have taken it in with her if it wasn't to share. It's poor manners.

@Sunshineandflipflops it's not rude to call someone ridiculous. I can assure you my manners are exemplary. A 12 year old is not a child. A 12 year old boy in my community works 5 days a week. They don't buy treats and sit and eat them in front of people, that's what a 4 year old does.

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