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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:
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GruciusMalfoy · 08/10/2019 09:39

If you'd turned up with nothing except DD's cake, and expected them to provide lunch, I could see why they may be a bit funny about there not bring cake for everyone. But it sounds less you provided a nice lunch with enough for everyone? And DD bought the cake herself.

AmIThough · 08/10/2019 09:39

@WaxMeltHoarder oh that changes it and makes PILs even more unreasonable!
Especially when DH said she'd paid for it herself.

Sjl479 · 08/10/2019 09:41

I think of there were other children present who might want cake/weren’t there to buy their own, she should have shared or waited till at home. But a grown man should have no expectation to share his grandchild’s treat! He sounds very self-centred and immature.

Original poster
WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:41

And no, nothing to with being a girl, but FIL can be quite greedy/moany about food

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 08/10/2019 09:42

He's just jealous of her cake despite have plenty of nice sweet option.

PullingMySocksUp · 08/10/2019 09:42

Sounds like he liked the look of her cake more than what you’d got him. Pretty childish behaviour.

64sNewName · 08/10/2019 09:44

God he sounds horrible Angry I’m cross on your dd’s behalf, but at least your DH didn’t minimise it.

‘Stuffing’ - ffs.

LemonPrism · 08/10/2019 09:44

I'd be very angry with him. A slice is one persons portion, how dare he make her feel bad for eating a normal treat.

Also how gross to have to pass round your cake to four people taking bites. While it might have been an idea to buy a different dessert for the adults he had no right to be so crass.

Littlemeadow123 · 08/10/2019 09:44

@Smelborp

The OP has said that they took other sweets and dessert options to their parent in laws. The daughter didnt eat any of those, she just ate her cake.

notso · 08/10/2019 09:44

So you did buy pudding then.
I do think he was rude to ask but I still think it was a bit off to have one type cake for just one person. I'd have told my DC to wait until we got home or eat it at the market before you arrived.

Original poster
WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:45

Tbh if she'd offered it, he probably would have taken half. When our nephew was about three, we were on a family trip to the local farm, and he offered FIL some of his duck shaped shortbread. Fil bit off the duck's head and most of its breast. Nephew was distraught

OP posts:
Teacher22 · 08/10/2019 09:47

Is the FIL turning into a grumpy old git as per Victor Meldrew? How can you share one piece of cake? And you, OP, say you brought sweet things to share between everyone.

Sounds like a bit of general grumpy sublimating on his part. He wanted to have a go at the child and the cake gave him the opportunity.

WorraLiberty · 08/10/2019 09:48

If that really was his actual wording then he was being a dick.

But if that was my 12yr old I would have told her to save the cake to eat on the way home.

Original poster
WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:49

Yes, we bought pudding, also the usual things you get at these markets, breads, deli stuff,chutneys. There was plenty of food and different choices for everyone. Just DD specifically wanted that cake. Tbh it wouldn't have occured to me to buy slices for everyone else, because it's very much a cake which is designed to look impressive(especially to children) but tastes of nothing except sugar and regret.

OP posts:
Windydaysuponus · 08/10/2019 09:49

Fil has guests. He should have bought bloody cake.
Dd should have given him a swift stab of her fork imo...

MarianaMoatedGrange · 08/10/2019 09:50

Well, I see you bought sweet stuff for everyone, but I think your DD should have been asked to wait until everyone had gone and then eaten her cake, as good manners.

Your update about the nephew and the shortbread shows that your FIL has major food FOMO issues, however!

DdraigGoch · 08/10/2019 09:51

When I see threads like these, I often think that people should channel Brian Blessed in Blackadder.

Do you want me to be honest, or tactful?
Er... Tactful, I think
TELL HIM TO GET STUFFED!

seaweedandmarchingbands · 08/10/2019 09:51

He definitely sounds like a big baby.

Newmumatlast · 08/10/2019 09:51

YANBU especially if there were other sweet things for others but I probably would've out of politeness explained that DD had bought herself the slice of cake but there were other things for everyone else so it was clear, or would've had her wait and eat it when not in company. Nonetheless I think your FIL was rude and also inappropriate with his comment about her stuffing her face.

thecatsthecats · 08/10/2019 09:52

Some older people have a bit of a hang up about that sort of thing.

My husband's grandad will never order a pudding, because of ingrained frugality, and is always eyeing up my cheese platter, pinching a bit off my plate in restaurants or making comments about sharing.

I make sure I don't sit next to him now!

Chamomileteaplease · 08/10/2019 09:52

FIL seemed to think it was a cake rather than a slice of cake.

But he still sounds horrible and the story about the duck biscuit is awful!! What a complete bastard Shock

The only thing I would say is that it is a shame you said that about a 12 year old not sharing anything sugary because that would seem to put the blame on DD. You could have pointed out that everyone else had the patisseries.

I hate your fil.

WanderingMind · 08/10/2019 09:53

I remember my grandad (who was a lovely man usually) got quite nasty when I ate a small Toblerone (it was about 10cm long) to myself and didn't share it with my 5 siblings and the 8 adults there (who were all eating a tin of quality street or chocolate from their Christmas presents) and when my dad pointed out that it was a present from my friend he declared me to be selfish. Quite upsetting. Sad

Original poster
WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:53

I wouldn't have expected DD to wait until we went home to eat it, we were travelling to PILs, not them to us, that cake would have been a disaster after sitting in a car or being carted around in a box all day.

OP posts:
Smelborp · 08/10/2019 09:54

@Littlemeadow123 that update was added in the same minute as my post.

flouncyfanny · 08/10/2019 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.