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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:
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BertrandRussell · 10/10/2019 12:24

@notso- I do think that people are saying that’s perfectly fine. Which I don’t actually believe anyone would do in real life. So the only possible explanation is that people are being deliberately contrary.
Out for a day out with a friend- somewhere with no shops. Lunchtime comes. Friend discovers she has left her lunch at home. Do you shrug and just eat yours?

MulticolourMophead · 10/10/2019 12:43

Clavinova the cake is on SM, you just have to look. My DD, aged 19, knew immediately what I was talking about last night, when I spoke about this cake. Different people might make it slightly differently, but the basic rose gold cake with sweets is all over the place.

MCP86 · 10/10/2019 12:44

notso

I can almost understand somebody thinking that was odd, but i certainly dont understand why it's rude (even if said friend called me to put the kettle on and showed up empty handed).
I personally wouldn't find it odd. If after eating the lunch provided, I then felt like something sweet, I'd have a look for something in my own fridge or cupboard. And if i dont have anything in...oh well! shit happens and i wont be upset about my friend enjoying HER treat after being so nice to provide lunch for me and my family.

LenoVentura · 10/10/2019 12:50

So let's suppose that there were 6 people, 5 pieces of patisserie and DD's slice of cake. Are posters who are saying DD shouldn't have eaten her cake suggesting that all the sweet items be put out on a plate together? If that's the case, then how do you decide who gets first pick? Somebody has to choose first don't they? Do you then do the "after you, no after you" scenario? Or do you go by "seniority"?

The other thing that strikes me is that there's clearly some perceived superiority of cake over patisserie. The OP makes clear that there were enough individual portions to go around, but many many posters are still huffing about the cake, as if it is a better treat. Is it? Is cake the uber-treat? Is the real issue here that OP's faux pas is in not realising that she should have bought cake for everyone, not cut corners with patisserie?

lottiegarbanzo · 10/10/2019 12:53

Oh wow! I think those count as too good to eat, Bertrand!

BertrandRussell · 10/10/2019 12:55

“ personally wouldn't find it odd. If after eating the lunch provided, I then felt like something sweet, I'd have a look for something in my own fridge or cupboard.“

And you wouldn’t say to your friend “Do you fancy a Jaffa cake?”

MonstranceClock · 10/10/2019 13:01

No. But I would think they were a bit of a dick if they got out something like cake and ate it in front of me if I didn’t have a cake of my own

This is so pathetic. Aren’t you a grown woman? My best friend came over to mine last night, and he sat and ate a donut he picked up for himself on the way over. Guess what? It didn’t even register because im a fucking adult.

GabsAlot · 10/10/2019 13:09

Ffs is this still going get a life she bought the cake -jeez

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/10/2019 13:09

"Of course she shouldn’t share, but there should have been cake for everyone or no one. It’s just poor form and leads to bad feeling..."

@Sacredspace - there WAS cake for everyone - the OP had bought a selection of delicious, artisan patisserie items (chocolate and raspberry torte, for example), so there was enough for everyone. And the OP has confirmed that her daughter ate her cake at the same time as the rest of the group were eating their patisserie, and that her daughter did NOT have any of the patisserie items. Also her FIL ate all his cake/torte without offering to share it with his granddaughter, and then whined that he didn't get some of the Insta-worthy cake that she had bought with her own money.

FIL also has form for snaffling too much when offered a share - he insisted on having a bite of his 3-year-old grandson's duck biscuit, and forced his mouth open as far as it would go, in order to eat the whole of the duck's head, and some of its body too - causing the toddler to cry, at which point FIL accused his grandson of being selfish.

FIL sounds like an absolute charmer. Hmm

@WaxMeltHoarder - the next time you go, you should definitely buy your FIL a slice of the rose gold cake - and you can give it to him and say "Here you are, FIL - because you made such a childish fuss last time, we have bought you a slice of the cake dd had last time. I'm sure you are going to show dd how well you share food, and offer her some, aren't you. Oh no - there's no delicious patisserie item for you - you got the cake!!"

FeckOffGraham · 10/10/2019 13:09

And you wouldn’t say to your friend “Do you fancy a Jaffa cake?”

Only if I had more than one. If my friend offered me a bite of her jaffa cake I'd be Hmm.

Sharing single portions of food isn't even pleasant.

Also, re your hypothetical lunch out Bertrand, I'd borrow money from a friend to buy my own portion of lunch and eat it. I'd leave my friend's lunch alone.

If there was nowhere to buy food and friend had extra lunch with her, I'm sure we'd share some of it, but not if she had just brought herself a single piece of cake for pudding. If she said that was just for her, I'd be grand with it. It isn't lunch. It's a special and totally unnecessary treat. Borrowing money or sharing lunch when you're in an unexpected bind is completely different to sharing a treat after you've already had your meal. Even more so when the owner of daid treat is a preteen!

If there was nowhere to buy lunch and friend only had a single portion of lunch for herself, I'd go hungry and enjoy my day out. It's only one meal ffs.

Humbles · 10/10/2019 13:10

This is ridiculous in my opinion FIL is a dick... Let’s look at it for what it is shall we ..:: Your grandchild has come to see their grandparents with a piece of cake they have bought themselves not forgetting the grandparents have already been catered for wtf how is that disrespectful in any way why are grown adults having a go at a child for eating cake why did FIL feel he needed to say something unless he wanted it and if that’s the case your grandad call over your little grandchild and say hey can I have a bit you ppl are fucking crazy thinking a 12 year old is in the wrong for being a 12 year old wtf

And mum did nothing wrong my thing is ppl are so opinionated I can bet most of them are more talk and nothing else remember it’s very easy for these ppl to say their opinion without telling the actual reality

notso · 10/10/2019 13:13

I personally wouldn't find it odd. If after eating the lunch provided, I then felt like something sweet, I'd have a look for something in my own fridge or cupboard. And if i dont have anything in...oh well! shit happens and i wont be upset about my friend enjoying HER treat after being so nice to provide lunch for me and my family.
I wouldn't be upset either but I'd certainly find it odd and it's certainly something I'd feel was a rude thing for me to do. I just cannot imagine sitting there eating something in the company of friends or family with nothing for the other people/person or offering to share what I have, it makes me cringe just thinking about it.

I met my Mum for a coffee yesterday and asked what she wanted to drink. I fancied a toasted tea cake so asked if she wanted anything to eat too. It wouldn't occur to me not to, I'd feel really impolite. She said no thanks and I still asked her if she wanted some of my tea cake when I'd sat down.

BertrandRussell · 10/10/2019 13:14

“ If there was nowhere to buy lunch and friend only had a single portion of lunch for herself, I'd go hungry and enjoy my day out. It's only one meal ffs“
So if it was the other way round-would you offer to share your lunch or just eat yours?

notso · 10/10/2019 13:17

My best friend came over to mine last night, and he sat and ate a donut he picked up for himself on the way over. Guess what? It didn’t even register because im a fucking adult.
Well it obviously did register because you've remembered it!

FeckOffGraham · 10/10/2019 13:19

So if it was the other way round-would you offer to share your lunch or just eat yours?

If we were somewhere where there was no food available to buy and only one lunch between two of us, tbh I'd suggest we sack it off and go for lunch somewhere. If you mean we have one lunch between two people and absolutely no possibility of procuring anymore food at all that day, as in, we were trapped in the wilderness or something and didn't know when we'd be rescued, then we'd obviously share everything equally, because starvation would be imminent otherwise. But that has nothing to do with manners or sharing out treats as it's a life or death scenario.

And btw, this slightly far fetched hypothetical lunch of yours is a bit rich coming from someone who was complaining about people using "strawman arguments" earlier.

BertrandRussell · 10/10/2019 13:21

I cannot imagine buying a doughnut on my way to a friend’s house and not buying one for her too.......

FeckOffGraham · 10/10/2019 13:21

Well it obviously did register because you've remembered it!

She recalled it because of this ludicrous thread.

As an aside, I love the new (not that new?) voting buttons. Proof, if ever I needed it, that the vocal minority on some threads are just the most vocal, while the vast majority of people are perfectly reasonable, but stay quiet.

BertrandRussell · 10/10/2019 13:23

Not lost in the wilderness- just a country walk.

MarshaBradyo · 10/10/2019 13:25

The voting button doesn’t change does it , I accidentally pressed it ages ago and the percentage is stuck on 94

FeckOffGraham · 10/10/2019 13:27

Not lost in the wilderness- just a country walk.

In that case, if I was the one with a si Glenn portion of lunch with me and my friend forgot hers, I'd say, let's have out walk and have lunch out when we get to a village pub. If she said no, I'd say, let's have a shorter walk and go home. If she said she couldn't possibly survive without lunch, then I'd say, let's go back to yours and get your lunch then. If it's just a small lunch for one, and she cannot possibly survive on an empty tummy, then surely she won't go far on half a lunch either.

FeckOffGraham · 10/10/2019 13:27

A single*

Who is Glenn?

notso · 10/10/2019 13:29

She recalled it because of this ludicrous thread.
Just like the OP recalled there were patisserie cakes for all once some suggested her daughter was rude.
I can't see the votes so they don't count!

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 10/10/2019 13:29

I cannot imagine buying a doughnut on my way to a friend’s house and not buying one for her too.......

Agreed. I am perplexed by the people on this thread who find this normal and unremarkable.

For me, it’s just good manners in the important sense - ie taking other people’s potential feelings into account (rather than the Hyacinth Bucket ‘manners’ derided upthread, which is more about appearing proper).

MarshaBradyo · 10/10/2019 13:30

I wouldn’t take anything to a friend’s house for just me

But at a gp’s house a child could expect a bit of joy around a cake without people being mean

The parent might say ohh does grandma want some if they are young and grandma could do a song and dance over a sweet or whatever

FeckOffGraham · 10/10/2019 13:31

@notso

Votes are 3343 in total; 94% YANBU, 6% YABU.

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