To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

[WaxMeltHoarder]

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

Thank you @Luckybe40. Although I'm not sure that will make you very popular on this thread

It comes down to basic manners. You do not bring bring an item of food to a house where you are a guest to solely consume by yourself...yes FIL is a dick, yes the OP brought other things to eat, yes there were other sweets,(a bag of fudge and a few patisseries?) but in my book you categorically do not bring your own food that you are not willing to share to someone else’s house. It doesn’t matter who, why, when bought what but IMO it was rude of the OP to allow her to eat a piece of cake (that no one else had )in the house that wasn’t her own. The PP who said that she went to a BBQ where the hosts served everyone hamburgers whilst they ate steak & kebabs makes me go...Just WOW!

That’s okay pinkyyy I’m used to it!

She didn't need to share it but it might have been more tactful for her to save it until she got home, where the only people around knew the circumstances.

@Rumboogie you tell ‘em!

“The poor girl is at her grandparents where "rules" should be akin to being at home.”

For me, the “rules” are for everywhere. Gentle courtesy is and important thing.

I'll definitely choose the beer

Don't blame you pinkyy

Please tell us that someone said something and bought your DN another duck cake?

I was hoping that, too.

I would have bought him another duck. Even if he'd been at a different table to me, probably*. Poor little sossidge . . .

*Well - probably not really, but I'd have wanted to.

but in my book you categorically do not bring your own food that you are not willing to share to someone else’s house

😂😂😂😂 jesus.

I'm so glad I have 'bad manners', as I wouldn't even blink if someone did this at my house.

The bbq example is very different as they were the hosts. They are expected to provide food. Guests are not.

It comes down to basic manners. You do not bring bring an item of food to a house where you are a guest to solely consume by yourself

I can’t imagine pulling a face because my 12 year old GD brought a slice of cake with her solely for herself.

I can’t imagine anyone would in reality.

FIL was rude and unkind to DD, but IMO it’d have been better for DD to take the cake home for later, or for all the sweet stuff to be shared.

For all the Hyacinth Buckets on here; wanna hear something mad? I have a close friend who is an aristocrat. She has several tattoos . She smokes the odd roll up biggie and she categorically wouldn't share special cake she'd bought for herself.

*ciggie. Not biggie! That sounded a bit salacious, sorry.

Given that the OP has said her DD's manners are pretty good, I would suspect the DD didntvoffer to her grandfather because of other incidents like the duck biscuit.

I bet he's got a huge history for being a dick over food, and consciously or unconsciously, the DD knew he'd eat a lot of her single slice of cake.

After all, we all know that when being offered food by a child, you politely decline, pretend but not eat or take a token nibble. This man is too selfish to do any of that.

Ok so if FIL was sitting in a pub ...would he share his pint ?

He’s acting like a child . Hope your child enjoyed every mouthful !

1. Hyacinth Bucket is not an arbiter of manners. That was rather the point of the show.
2. Neither are aristocrats.
3. Eating something special in front of other people who don’t have something special to eat is a dick move.
4. What the girl did was not a dick move because everyone had something nice to eat and the circumstances were explained.
5. The man was a dick.

Late to the thread but this:

Oh God, the duck shortbread incident. Never will I forget. It was like a bad comedy sketch. FIL practically tipped his head back and opened his mouth as wide as it to go before chomping down half the thing

He really didn’t did he op?? He took a bite, you don’t need to open your mouth as wide as you can to eat a biscuit 🙄

Maybe it's just that your daughter didn't offer. I get that it was just one slice of cake as not enough for several people to share however, maybe he is the kind of man that likes to at least be asked if he would like some.

My goodness aren’t some people weird? She’s 12yrs old and enjoying a little bit of independence using her own money to buy a slice of trendy cake and then enjoying it with her own family! If Fil can’t see how innocent and nice that is and especially having been provided with what sounds like a lovely lunch, well there’s something wrong with him.

With a grandparent like that, who needs school bullies.

Bertrand

Points 1 and 2....um...yes, that was sort of my point. I think there are a few Hyacinth Buckets on here who would love to be aristocrats or arbiters of good manners. That was my little joke, you see?

Points 4&5, you are correct. Point 3, not really a dick move. If people can't stand to watch someone else eat something they haven't got, they seriously need to get a grip.

There is a weird fixation on mumsnet about following the rules; from everything to 'good' manners, using the right word for SANTA CLAUS 😂, choosing whether or not to find out the sex of your baby blah blah blah. Bore off. Too many rules and too many sad little dictators.

FeckOffGraham

I'm so glad I have 'bad manners', as I wouldn't even blink if someone did this at my house

I guess my manners are just as nad as yours 😂
When pregnant, i carried everything around with me, even coconut milk and cocoa powder for hot drinks....my friends didnt care, some even "praised" me for being well prepared

Next time, save your cake for at home so as not to have him making comments about it and spoiling the moment. Sounds as if he would have remarked on something else instead. That's just the way some people are.

BertrandRussell
eating something special in front of other people who don’t have something special to eat is a dick move.

Serious question....
You would be upset/jealous/think your friend was a dick if they had something you didnt have?