Women were asked what they would do if men had to be in by 9

[Pieceofpurplesky]

AIBU that the answers to this make me really sad

www.thepoke.co.uk/2018/10/01/women-imagine-life-men-9pm-curfew-eye-opener/2/

www.thepoke.co.uk/2018/10/01/women-imagine-life-men-9pm-curfew-eye-opener/2/

Sorry if this has been done

In what world do you live?

A world that sees pre-teen girls sexually harassed and all the “heroic men” around them studiously turning the other cheek.

A world that see men laugh at their mates for groping someone because “aw he gets like that when he’s had a few”.

I feel so sorry for people like you who only see a black and white dystopian society where women are victims and male are the enemy

I don’t. I read the stats.

I have never experienced anything like that

So it doesn’t happen.....?

If men as a class actually have a shit, then conversations like this wouldn’t happen.

Until men start making it clear that harassment from low-level up is unacceptable then conversations like this will continue happening.

It's only a thought experiment, it is in no way insinuating at all that all violence against women is by men outside the home.

It does give pause for thought - and it is male readers of the answers who should be having the biggest "aha!" moment here - about what strategies women adopt for being out at night, and the things they avoid doing because of their perception of danger. What the question does is take away the danger and ask what you would do differently, or at all, if there were no men around.

It's a very simple and basic premise, actually.

Now. If we then had a follow up that said something like, should men with female partners be separated from them in the evening/overnight - or not live with them at all or something - to highlight the fact of how dangerous it is to be a woman with a partner, that should also give all of us something to think about.

Nobody is suggesting for ONE minute that all men are like anything. (it's like the trolley question that philosophy students get confronted with - in so many bloody iterations now. Nobody ever starts their answer with "well not all people who push people off bridges are…" or "what's the gender of the 5 people down the line…" because it's not the point of the exercise)

It is only a thought experiment but it’s re-enforcing a damaging fiction about male violence (that women are disproportionately likely to get hurt while outside their domestic sphere).

The article isn't just confined to violent incidents though it touches on all the "small stuff" too. The every day stuff that women have to put up with. The derogatory comments either directly at you or said to their friends just loud enough for you to hear. Pushing up unnecessarily close to you on public transport.

My DD is tall for her age with the kind of physical attributes that will draw attention from undesirables. She's going to be going out and about on her own soon and the thought of her experiencing this makes me feel sick but there's only so much I can do to help protect her without scaring her. Her experience of the opposite sex will start soon and it will be a contrast to the experience her male friends will have of women. And that's not right.

Whilst all men are not rapists or violent, most rapists and violent offenders are men. Men need to step up and do more to make change happen so all our kids can be safe. I'm not demonising the good ones here, I'm criticising them for not doing anything.

Really, this thread isn't about the curfew but the threat.

I think all the stats about random attacks on women V men outside the home are distracting from the real issue which is women not feeling respected in public spaces. Regardless of whether we’re actually mugged or attacked etc, we’re subjected to behaviour that makes us feel uncomfortable and makes us hurry to get home. It’s this ‘low level’ intimidation which I think most of us would like to get away from with the imaginary curfew.

As an example, while working in my home office last week I saw a car stop in the middle of the road outside my house, roll down his window and start shouting at a passing girl (clearly on her way home from school/college at that time of day with a rucksack on her back) that she was “looking fiiiine!” etc. The shouting went on for quite some time as she noticeably sped up and tried to ignore it. I rapped hard on my window to get his attention off her and shouted NO, shaking my head and waving my hand at him, in some kind of attempt to ‘spray cold water’ on him.

This idiot didn’t care that he was making this girl feel uncomfortable when she didn’t turn round and give him a coy smile for his wonderful ‘compliment’. He just carried on shouting at her because his desire to be acknowledged was more important than her right to be left the fuck alone when she’s walking down the street.

These are the fuckers I want to be kept at home, and not just after 9pm.

If there was a 9pm curfew then I'd try and get into computer games

Being small and relatively defenseless against a larger attacker isn't an exclusively female trait

I also don't know any men who are okay with male on male or male on female violence, outside of a sporting setting, and often heard it said that it is up to men to sort out but i don't really see how it works? I call people out on violence and then they use that violence against me? Or am i supposed to violence them into submission? Which sounds a bit self defeating. Raising a generation for whom that isn't normal is surely a joint enterprise?

Here's an example of what men could do but bloody well don't ...

In my example or 30to's ... Man A comments on random females appearance. His friend Man B says "Stop being a dick".

But no they just laugh and add to the problem.

Men were more likely to be victims of violent crime where the perpetrator was a stranger or acquaintance. However, women were more likely to be victims of domestic violence perpetrated by a partner or ex-partner, or other family member.

According the office of national statics for 2018 based on violent crimes reported.

Here's an example of what men could do but bloody well don't ...

Ok, well here are three examples that might cheer you up then:

1. At university, either if I went out clubbing or worked in the library til 3am, no time was safer to leave than 3am. Why? Because no one is more mindlessly heroic than drunk students walking back via the kebab shop. Male and female students were frequently reported to scare off creeps or thieves.

2. I have a friend who, if he witnesses a woman being harassed in public, will happily outrageously flirt with the men until they back off.

3. Once, in a club, a guy was harassing my friend and I. A group of guys spotted that he was being really creepy, and they danced around us in a wide circle all night so he couldn't reach us.

Those women who have never had any kind of frightening or intimidating experience with a male stranger, I'm really pleased for you. Just know that if you did or if you had, your behaviour would have been brought into the equation. Were you out alone at night? Were you dressed provocatively? Were you being too friendly?

If men had a 9pm curfew - which OBVIOUSLY they shouldn't - you wouldn't have to think about all that. Sure you might get mugged or beaten up by a woman but nobody would ask you if YOUR behaviour contributed to it.

At the end of the day some men need to respect women more, some women need to respect other women more, some women need to respect men more, some men need to respect other men more.

It is terrible that some women feel so scared, they don't leave their own homes at night of fear of being attacked by a man - the answer is not to punish all men.

And to have people with such a narrow mind as to tar 'them all" the same, and keep peddling such tripe is pretty sad.

Yes people should be taught how to best try and say safe, equip yourselves with the tools to best protect yourself and the knowledge of your routes - but to breed an attitude that all men are violent and to be feared is just so sad.

Man A comments on random females appearance.

None of my friends would do this

Should i make friends with dickheads so i can interact with them in such a way? I'm pretty sure if i said it to a stranger i'd get a kicking

The last physical confrontation i had was coming out of the station near my house and a guy had a girl pinned up against the wall. Can't walk past that obviously so stopped and intervened, almost got battered except another passenger and his wife came and saved me

but to breed an attitude that all men are violent and to be feared is just so sad

Isn’t it fortunate that isn’t what the discussion is about.

@ThatCurlyGirl thank you. Yeah it's shit that it happened but I won't let it define me, or stop me getting close to another man. I don't believe all men are inherently evil, just a minority making life difficult for everyone.

Call me cynical, but I bet the stunning D Muscato gets a huge kick out of hearing about how women are afraid of men. It's living the dream.

But to echo other posters, I don't live my life in terror of men, but I do resent the constant low level harassment. The comments, positive or negative, on appearance. The insistence that I must acknowledge a man and give him my time. How bloody dare they?

The comments, positive or negative, on appearance.
that's a female thing!

The comments, positive or negative, on appearance
that's a female thing!

I have honestly never walked down the street and had another woman call out 'nice tits love' , 'ooh, nice legs' or 'a gorgeous girl like you should have a smile on her face'.

Nor have I ever had a woman try to humiliate me in front of other people by saying I'm so ugly they thought someone had brought their dog along, or that my tits are so big that they wouldn't be able to get close enough to fuck me.

But I've had all that, and a lot more, from men.

Easy and Cats I'm glad you have good men around you (and Easy for intervening that must have been bloody scary) as have I. As will many other posters.**

It doesn't change the fact that many more will happily turn the other way (it's bantz! Boys will be boys!).

No ones tarring anyone here just stating the fact that for the many ways we've been disrespected, hurt, frightened or injured in our lives a man has probably been the perpetrator. More good men need to step up.

I have no idea why most of that post is in bold

To those who have never been hassled, abused or hurt by men in public: awesome!! I'm glad you survived.

However, to those of us that HAVE, when you say things like that it completely undermines our feelings. Makes us feel like WE are the problem. When on reality we aren't the problem.
Men who think it's okay to assault another person, are the problem.

So, instead of saying "well that's never happened to me, so this wouldn't help!" why don't you say "sorry that some men suck. I wish you could feel safe leaving the house at night"

Yes, but they would be safe and sound in their house at 9pm

Haha you played a blinder there, Rufus

It's very fucking wearisome that whenever there's a thread that touches on male violence there are always a few posters who have to insist that women are just as (if not more) dangerous.

FFS

Isn’t it fortunate that isn’t what the discussion is about

But when the discussion is generalising on men as a whole, instead of some men, then it is talking about all of them.

The comments, positive or negative, on appearance.
that's a female thing!

That's definitely my experience, it has always been women commenting on other women's appearances.

I'm confident I'm speaking on behalf of many (if not most) of the posters here who have been on the receiving end of the behaviour this thread is covering.

No one is generalising men as a whole either as the aggressors or the person who doesn't challenge the crap. It's isn't all men and we know that. However when the critical mass becomes enough that it affects so many women then it's right to call it out and expect things to change.

Research last year showed that more than a third of school girls experienced sexual harassment whilst wearing uniform. That is bloody appalling.