Women were asked what they would do if men had to be in by 9

[Pieceofpurplesky]

AIBU that the answers to this make me really sad

www.thepoke.co.uk/2018/10/01/women-imagine-life-men-9pm-curfew-eye-opener/2/

www.thepoke.co.uk/2018/10/01/women-imagine-life-men-9pm-curfew-eye-opener/2/

Sorry if this has been done

I think people are making a false equivalence. Saying that strangers pose a threat to women's safety is not saying we are safe indoors with men we know.
And quoting the statistic that we are more likely to be harmed by someone we know just shows you don't understand risk.

The thought experiment is like another one, where you ask a room full of people ''what do you do to reduce the risk of assault''. And women come up with a long list of strategies while the men look aghast or offended.
Its supposed to make you think about a situation thats been pretty much normalised.

And quoting the statistic that we are more likely to be harmed by someone we know just shows you don't understand risk. that makes zero sense.

Women will come with strategies about keeping safe out at dark. They will not list strategies to escape domestic abuse, controlling relationships and protecting our children. We as women are not understanding the weighting of real risks.

I think it shows that we* are far more pragmatic about making risk assessments in places that society says might be risky: out alone at night, being drunk alone in a club, getting in an unmarked taxi… But that actually we should be making risk assessments about who we have relationships with too. So for the former most of us have had a thought or two (carrying your keys ready to open your door, reverse parking for a quick exit etc etc) but we see over and over and over that "he was a good dad, though" and "he was always deeply sorry afterwards" quite often, and often enough with awful consequences, don't see these risks.

But the one really doesn't have anything to do with the other.

*women in general

And those men who are harassing kids in uniform? I bet they have a mum/sister/partner/friend etc who would say they are one of the good ones

so basically ALL men are evil, are they?

How did you get to that conclusion from what she said? That's a big jump.

I am not sure that a curfew for men would protect the majority of women. Most attacks on women are carried out by men they know...husbands, fathers, boyfriends etc. Keeping men in the house would probably increase these attacks. Stranger rape/murder by comparison is relatively rare.
On the other hand attacks on males by males usually happen outside the home, fights stabbings violent crime and assaults as a result of drinking. Therefore a curfew for men would probably reduce the injuries to men and increase the assaults on women.

We'd be safe as soon as we walked outside though @Br1256. I used to like seeing the stars.

I'm so sick of people posting their assumption that because most attacks are carried out by men we know, that therefore means attacks by strangers are relatively rare.

No it doesn't mean that; you underestimate how much violence takes place.

It also shows you don't know how to manage a risk assessment. The risk of a plane crashing is low compared to the risk of crashing your car; but if a plane does crash the potential harm is high.

No it doesn't mean that; you underestimate how much violence takes place

Yep. Why? Because so so much of it goes unreported.
Why? Because the attackers are rarely prosecuted.
Why? Because the jury is made up of members of the public who, on the whole, believe rape myths and that a woman’s character is part of the problem if she gets attacked.

I’ve been attacked a few times outside by men in my life and as someone said it doesn’t always get reported and I imagine a lot Of people doesnt so it isn’t as rare as people like to make out (I didn’t report the times it happened to me) I’m certainly safer at home since I’m single. There is a lot
Of stuff that goes unreported. I’m always reading of men sexually assaulting women in public in my local news, there was recently a man who wasn’t going around sexually assaulting sleeping women on trains, it isn’t rare at all.

Same here. I've been assaulted by males who are strangers on 6 occasions. Two I reported. 4 I didn't.

sexually assaulting sleeping women on trains, it isn’t rare at all

Yep this happened to me. I didn't report it.

I’ve been sexually assaulted three times by males outside the home, all on the lower level end of the spectrum (breasts groped / hand up skirt type of thing). I didn’t report any of them because what’s the point? When rapes barely make it to court, let alone secure a conviction, why put myself through the grief of reporting it for the likelihood of nothing coming from the report?

I can’t even count the amount of harassment that stopped short of assault I’ve had from men over my lifetime. Stuff like the encounter I described above on the train, “give us a kiss darling”, “get your tits out” catcalling, being followed...if I’d reported it all, especially when I was younger, I’d have never been out of the police station. But I didn’t, at least in part because when I was younger it was just “what blokes did”. Instead I quietly, and often without even realising I was doing it at the time, developed strategies to try and reduce the likelihood of being exposed to it. And it’s those strategies I would be able to forget about for a night in the hypothetical curfew world. I probably wouldn’t even know how fully free I’d feel until I was in that situation, because some of the things I do are just ingrained now, second nature, tiny little modifications to my behaviour that I just consider “sensible precautions” if I don’t think too deeply about them but are actually responses to being on the receiving end of even mildly predatory behaviour. (If I do think more deeply about it I get fucking angry about it!)

Oh, four times! I’ve just remembered the complete stranger who tried to feel me up on a train to London when I was 19. Didn’t report him either.

I'm older now so thankfully it no longer happens but when I was 18 or so and spending time in bars and clubs, if I had reported every strange male who grabbed my breast or bum or crotch I would have been making 5 or 6 reports every Saturday night.

And just imagine for a moment what would happen if a woman actually did that. She'd be labelled a serial complainant, possibly a serial liar and quite possibly suspected of being mentally ill and having paranoid delusions.

That's the barrier to reporting. I'd never report a minor sexual assault because it would diminish my chances of being believed if I ever had to report a major one.

Oh, four times! I’ve just remembered the complete stranger who tried to feel me up on a train to London when I was 19. Didn’t report him either.

I had the same on a bus and I was 15! A man sat next to me on a crowded bus and put his coat over his legs, I didn’t even notice at first but then I started to feel his hand stroking my leg, I looked down to see his coat over mine and his legs, I moved it and his hand was on my leg. I literally was speechless and just looked at him horrified, he was a man in his 40/50s! He jumped up and got off the bus at the next stop. And that was a packed bus, god knows what he would have done on an empty one.