Women were asked what they would do if men had to be in by 9

[Pieceofpurplesky]

AIBU that the answers to this make me really sad

www.thepoke.co.uk/2018/10/01/women-imagine-life-men-9pm-curfew-eye-opener/2/

www.thepoke.co.uk/2018/10/01/women-imagine-life-men-9pm-curfew-eye-opener/2/

Sorry if this has been done

Women are told constantly that we need to avoid getting too drunk, not to wear that short skirt, don't go out alone at night and it's just generally accepted as reasonable and sensible advice.

God forbid anyone suggest men should be restricted though. Suddenly everyone loses their shit because men have Very Important Things To Do don't ya know .

I fully agree that a lot of the men who wouldn't dream of doing this are also ignorant that a lot of men do do it, so publicising this issue and making men understand the everyday realities of many women's lives would be a very good thing indeed.

Went to see Fleabag last week and at one point she describes being in a bar and a man grabbing her vagina. There was a shocked reaction from some of the men in the audience but not from the women, I suspect our inner MNers were too busy tutting at her saying vagina when she meant vulva. I did find it quite interesting that difference.

This would lead to more attacks on women and fewer on men. We’re much more likely to be assaulted at home.

I understand the thought experiment by the way - I just think it (unwittingly I assume) plays into the myth that we’re safe at home with the men of the family and in danger from strange men when out and about.

This myth is absolutely grounded in misogyny and patriarchy - it’s about keeping us “safe” at home with the men in charge of us.

yy Riddley

I think there is a lot of project fear that goes on that woman are significant perpetrators of when it comes to women using the streets at night as though we had a right to them.

I'm not someone who's never been assaulted or intimidated on the streets. I've been assaulted at work and on dates. I've been felt up on the Tube in rush hour. I've had vile comments from men on the bus and I've been wolf-whistled and catcalled. But the vast majority of those experiences were in broad daylight. Some of them while I was with other women. I haven't had anything other than a few half-hearted comments made late at night on my own. And the places I've actually been in danger, the places I've been assaulted (other than the Tube) have been on dates and at work.

Of course, this is just my experience and, of course, some women will have had horrendous experiences at night on the street. But some women will also have had horrendous experiences at 10 am in their homes. The crime stats support the view of the streets at night not being particularly bad for women. So why do we concentrate on it like this? Why do we talk ourselves out of the full use of the world we live in? I think it's a shame to play into this narrowing of our freedoms.

I’ve never felt intimidated or frightened by a man. I go out all the time at night by myself. I’d hate to live like that.

I am perfectly safe and walk miles every day while no one ever bothers me.

I am invisible as I am female and 62. Age has its compensations.

Irony alert, obviously. (And I have many clumsy and good humoured attempts at flirtation from fellow 60 year old men who have not thought to preserve their bodies or minds and are clearly only dressed because their wives have put their washed and ironed clothes out.)

Here is go men being having a 9pm curfew would affect me.

I wouldn't have my uni tutor teaching my evening class or any men in the class. This would make my life poorer.

There wouldn't be any basses in my choir. This would make my life poorer.

I wouldn't be able to have a night out with my DH or do any socialising with couple friends. This would make my life poorer.

It's just such a stupid notion on every level.

In all honesty I think (around here at least) that if I were, say, a 15 year old boy, I'd be much more likely to be attacked/robbed/harassed than I am as a late 30s woman. And as other have pointed out women in general are much more likely to be assaulted/raped etc by someone they know at home than outside by a stranger.

I appreciate that some women have regular experience of harassment or violence in the streets, of course, but that's my personal view on the question.

I can’t believe some people are saying it’s a class issue. Because middle class and posh toffs males never do anything wrong.

It sounds like a dream in principle. But I agree with the comments from Ridley that there would be more attacks about the notion women are safer at home is “grounded in misogyny and patriarchy”.

People saying that women are more likely to be attacked at home and not on the street alone at night, isn't that because as a class we avoid being on the street alone and vulnerable at night? If we're not there, the crime can't happen. Men 'put themselves' in situations we just don't, and so the associated crime rate will obviously be higher.

In any case, a lot of the responses weren't necessarily about rape or murder. It was low level harassment that men just don't have to contend with.

It's a talking point, not a serious idea. It shines a spotlight on the stark difference between men and women and how we have to constantly regulate our behaviour to keep ourselves safe from men.

I was on my way back from seeing a friend at the weekend. I ended up getting a busy, full train and having to stand in the vestibule along with a group of men (aged roughly mid-30s to 50s) who, it transpired, had been to the races.

I am a middle-aged “invisible” woman. Except I wasn’t invisible on that train. When one of them went to use the train loo, I was invited to join him. Cue much laughter and “go on my son” type comments and ribaldry from his mates. For the next twenty minutes or so I was on their radar and had to stand there, smiling through gritted teeth so as not to antagonise them further while while they “included” me in their jokes and commented on my outfit, trying to guess where I’d been and where I was going. Thankfully after 20 minutes a woman in a seat further down the coach started making preparations to get off and beckoned me over to make sure I got her vacated seat.

I doubt I was in any real physical danger. So far as they were concerned it was just a bit of fun. I was just a handy female, a prop for them to show off to each other with stupid jokes. It wasn’t personal or targeted. If any other woman had been standing there, it would have been her. But I am so fucking tired of it. Of seeing it, and being on the receiving end of it when I’m too old for this shit. It made my journey something to endured, something where I was counting the minutes to my station so I could get out of there.

Men need to grow the fuck up and start realising women deserve basic respect. Until that happens, I’d take a 9pm curfew thanks.

I haven’t read the full thread, and I do get the point that women are often subjected to awful treatment at the hands of men. They are physically stronger and thus more easily able to dominate.

However, in my early 20’s, I frequented lots of gay bars as my best friends were gay. As a result, as a young, straight woman, I faced lots of sexual harassment, unwanted attention and even aggression from some women.

The point being, there are good and bad amongst both sexes (although yes, statistically I know it’s weighted against men).

Still, I know lots of very respectful and gentle men...it would be wrong to tar an entire gender. Maybe we need to focus on teaching all people to be respectful of others, rather than keeping them under lock and key.

I wouldn't do anything different if men had a curfew. I have never been hassled, intimidated or threatened by a man and I'm not afraid that one will kill me.

This is the same for me. I worked in a predominantly male environment for years, and I was only ever treated with respect. I have never felt intimidated by a male on a night out, or a day out. I have however had women many try to threaten and intimidate me whilst out.

I think it's a shame that people tar a whole gender by the action of the minority. Yes, people do bad things but that does not mean we should demonise that whole demographic, whether that be sex, colour or religion.

Why are women responsible for fixing everything? Men are creating this violence, why aren't men addressing it and changing it?

I'll accept the simplification that all violence is perpetrated by men. So, if in a room of 100 people, half of whom are men, there is one violent man, of the remaining 99 people, why do the 49 men have more responsibility than the 50 women?

I think its very sad that on a thread talking about what we would do if men had a curfew and we were safe FROM ALL FORMS OF MALE AGGRESSION at night...outdoors (its a fucking pain having to caveat everything...and i bet ive missed something)

That, as a number of posters have pointed out, that we wouldnt be ‘safe’ at home either

A curfew wouldn't make any difference as
a) women are statistically more at risk in their own home
b) women are harassed and assaulted in broad daylight all the time

I've been verbally abused by aggressive men twice in the last month in the middle of the day. First instance was when I had the cheek to beep my horn to warn a van driver he was about to reverse into me. The second was when I asked a van driver to move forward a few feet as he'd blocked me in.

My friend's teenage dd was recently taken at knifepoint off the street into a shop and forced to buy stuff then threatened with rape, again middle of the afternoon.

I generally feel safe because I don't live with a man and I practice kick boxing, and if I had a DD self defense/martial arts would be non negotiable.

I’ve never felt intimidated or frightened by a man. I go out all the time at night by myself. I’d hate to live like that.

Indeed many of us do hate living like that. But it's not something that can be changed when male violence has been a reality.

I never felt intimidated by men, I would often walk home alone or be out at night and never felt threatened. But once when I was finishing work at 1am (former events manager, just finished a wedding) I was 6/7 months pregnant at the time. I walked to my car in the secure staff carpark to drive home. The exit to the car park was through a tunnel which led out to a public path/road area. A group of lads saw me trying to drive out and decided to block the exit. One of them locked eyes with me and had, what I can only describe as an evil look about him. He came over to my car (which I locked obviously) and started trying to open the driverside door while his mates stood in front of the car, one got their phone out to film it. He was pulling on the door and banged on the window, kicked the door a few times. I revved the engine, preparing myself to have to drive forward and potentially run these lads over. I was terrified for me and my baby. One of the other lads (also peering in the window) noticed I was pregnant and tried to call them all off but they didn't listen. I lay on the horn repeatedly, long and short blasts to get attention and two of the wedding party came out and the lads ran off. I couldn't drive home after that as I was shaking so much so I stayed at the hotel.
My DH insisted on picking me up every late shift from then on, no matter what time or if he had work the next morning.
Tbh, I think that is what set off my anxiety.

I wouldn't do anything different if men had a curfew. I have never been hassled, intimidated or threatened by a man and I'm not afraid that one will kill me

Nor me. I shared flats were men outnumbered women as a student, worked and led teams predominantly male, have many male friends, two sons and 1 male husband and many male boyfriends beforehand. Never experienced male violence or felt intimidated by men. Some men commit violent crime - most do not.

some men commit violent crime - most do not

Very true

However, one cannot tell the difference.

I live alone, and when I lock up carefully every night, it is not other women breaking in that I fear.

If you want to play that game, a curfew would mean all the good guys would respect the law and stay locked in after 9, whilst the criminal would be free to roam the streets and there would be no man to help you if you need.

Yeah, sounds like an amazing idea.

and there would be no man to help you if you need

Yeah that happens! What beautiful naivety.

I once read that it's men who are most in danger of violence being committed against them by other men. I don't know if men have the same fear that women do when going out alone though. It's always in my mind to take the safest most public route as I know the chances of my being able to defend myself are slim.

Haven't yet RTFT but this stood out. I remember the Yorkshire Ripper time and women being told to stay in and the boiling rage of injustice that i felt at that (older teenager at the time).

I've been groped, grabbed and flashed at (not harmless opening a Trenchcoat stuff, really frightening) plenty of times. I have never changed my activities because of that, but i did start learning self-defence.

But if women are afraid of (due to evidence) men attacking them, and men are afraid of (due to evidence) men attacking them - then it seems to me that a curfew for men would make everyone feel safer?

JacquesHammer

Yeah that happens! What beautiful naivety.

In what world do you live? I feel so sorry for people like you who only see a black and white dystopian society where women are victims and male are the enemy. I have never experienced anything like that.

Even cops and paramedics who have helped me in the past were male. Should they to be locked up at night too?