Women were asked what they would do if men had to be in by 9

[Pieceofpurplesky]

AIBU that the answers to this make me really sad

www.thepoke.co.uk/2018/10/01/women-imagine-life-men-9pm-curfew-eye-opener/2/

www.thepoke.co.uk/2018/10/01/women-imagine-life-men-9pm-curfew-eye-opener/2/

Sorry if this has been done

Isn’t that the MO for the MRA?

Indeed. I'm reminded of that 'dead giveaway' video

I despair when I read some of the comments on here

Why? Do you think your sons are going to harass women?

If not, then they’re clearly not the issue. I hope you’re going to teach them to be part of the solution.

FieldsOf
Not one poster has actually answered what they would do if this hypothetical curfew existied because it's been completely derailed by small minded fools spouting on about how NOT ALL MEN and I AM WORRIED FOR MY SON and IT'S NEVER HAPPENED TO ME and I'VE HAD BORING BITCHY NIGHTS OUT WITH WOMEN
Honestly
hmm hmm

You missed out "I've only ever been attacked by violent women" 😂

@Juells ah yes classic, how could I forget!!

Not one poster has actually answered what they would do if this hypothetical curfew existied

Because we'd do what we do now. Go out. Come home. Go running. Walk through the park. Having a curfew wouldn't make any difference to many of us because night times out and about aren't really any more dangerous than day times out and about (and possibly safer than any time in the home). And we find the constant framing of things as though women ought to be worried about being out alone at night as part of the unreasonable pressure on women to narrow their focus to the domestic domain.

And we find the constant framing of things as though women ought to be worried about being out alone at night as part of the unreasonable pressure on women to narrow their focus to the domestic domain.

Quite agree!

I think there’s a good argument that this thread has quite a misogynistic premise. That we women would feel so much better going out at night, because that is where the danger lies, not at home or with people we know. It’s telling us we should be fearful outside.

Not one poster has actually answered what they would do if this hypothetical curfew existied

Ok I would be stuck at home as always as I have 3 children so can't go out at night. My last night out was 4 years ago.

Ok so if you've read the article and the thread neither are telling us we should be fearful of going outside.

It's a how many times has this been stated ✖️✖️ HYPOTHETICAL ✖️✖️question asking what women might do differently if there was a curfew. There are then lots of anecdotes which show a sad reality for many of us. Many posters have made the valid point that for some the danger is actually behind closed doors however this thread touches on the one outside. The fact remains that in the majority of cases of any kind of violent attack on either sex is perpetrated by a man. The "low level" is the same. I'm pretty confident the next time I'm propositioned whilst out running in broad daylight during rush hour it won't be by a female offering me a suck of her genitals

I'm fairly confident the typical MNer can read this thread having had no experience of these issues and not feel frightened to leave her front door.

If your life or that if a loved one isn't touched by any of this I'm happy for you, really I am. But please be respectful of the fact that all haven't been as lucky. To imply this is just fear mongering is patronising.

You should all read The Power - an amazing look at what would happen if women suddenly became the stronger gender.

I have. And women are a sex.

I wouldn't trust abusive men not to ignore the curfew & go out while all the men who might otherwise come to my aid would respect it & stay inside.

And any man could probably get round it by claiming to identify as a woman, anyway.

Going back to treating it purely as a thought experiment: my thoughts are that it wouldn't do anyone any favours. People would resist and disobey it in a variety of ways, from women helping their male friends and relatives dress up to pass as female to loads of viral social media about the safest places for a man to go out after the curfew and not get spotted to crowdfunded legal challenges to get the law overturned. And that's how it should be because an arbitrary rule that removes the rights from a substantial number of people because of who they are rather than because of their own behaviour is unjust and should always be resisted and disobeyed.

Reanimated I didn't read it as a serious proposition more a question which highlighted how the liberty of women is restricted by the behaviour of men. So all the things we don't do.

Your last sentence is interesting though: We all have a right to wander about after dark and feel safe regardless of sex. I wish the energy put into threads like these to claim NAMALT was matched by men pushing for change as we'd definitely be on the right track then.

I have very rarely been hassled by a man (the last time was about 3 years ago and was a few youngsters - I was old enough to be their mother, even their grandmother at a push - I don't know what they were thinking).

But I have always avoided lonely places at night. And since I took up running, I have thought we will have true equality when I as a woman can run as freely in lonely places as a man. To be fair, I am a lot more scared of off-lead dogs when I am out running, but eg last night I was running along our local canal towpath before it got too dark and you do keep a close eye on any men walking along it (and even more so cycling, as they can catch up with you again quickly if they decide to turn round and have a go).

If we did have a 9pm curfew doesn't that mean those who want to attack women would just find lonely places in the daytime to do it? Haven't RTFT so sorry if that has already been mentioned!

It's been touched on yes as you're right, the man who does these things would definitely look for other opportunities.

But like you say, to be able to run where you want when you want. I would love that!

Glad we seem to be getting back on track examining the (frankly silly) hypothetical scenario rather than NAMALT and "i've been attacked by women"

I've been attacked by one woman. Apparently i was giving her girlfriend "the eye" in a bar (i asked her for a light) and after punching me and my boyfriend picking me up, she apologised for reading the situation wrong. hmmmm

But I've had much much much more unwanted attention (from cat-calling to grabbing and tongues forced in my mouth etc) from men.

So we've done the hypothetical situation to death. How about a new one.

How would your quality of life change if you felt safely able to call out men for their unwanted attention? And/or how would your quality of life change if men called out other men when you were on the receiving end of unwanted male attention?

This is incredibly sad.

I tried to have this discussion with my husband a while back but he JUST DID NOT GET IT. It's hard to explain that kind of fear. It seems almost irrational. I'm in Ireland and it's family safe but that threat is always there and men just do not understand it.

I hate the world my little girl is growing up into. She's only 5 and has already had an unwanted incited in school. I'm so proud of her though she told him to go away and didn't just go along with him hugging her to avoid conflict.

I’ve been sexually assaulted by men several times, physically assaulted by women twice.

Q. What would you do if you won a million pounds?

A. I've always been a multi-millionaire so the question doesn't apply to me.

A. I don't approve of capitalism so I think the question is stupid.

A. There should be no such thing as money. Bartering is a much better system.

A. This question assumes that we all wish to join the elite 2% of the population. Some of us are perfectly happy being in the 98%.

and so on ad infinitum

To be fair, I am a lot more scared of off-lead dogs

A friend used to walk in an area that had a lot of large dogs off leads, and she had a dog-repelling thing that made a loud noise. Can't remember if it was in human range, or only dogs could hear it. Worth finding something like that?

How would your quality of life change if you felt safely able to call out men for their unwanted attention? And/or how would your quality of life change if men called out other men when you were on the receiving end of unwanted male attention?

Absolutely.

It is easy (as witnessed on this thread) to try and obfuscate the discussion by saying "oh but women are violent toooooooo", when in fact on a day to day basis many women aren't concerned about violence from men, but the persistent low-level sexual harrassment that is so, so common.

I would really like a fucking utopia where women don't need to call out men because of their shitty behaviour - they just don't do shitty things without women having to police them.

Why the fuck should women be responsible for changing men's behaviour.

I don't think the issue is how much danger women are in from men, I think it is that if we do things like go out alone at night, get drunk, wear 'revealing' clothes etc, and get attacked, then it is deemed to be our fault. The focus is always on women protecting themselves, and never on preventing attacks from males. For example, we say that women should never get drunk with a man alone, or give the wrong signals, or go home with someone they don't know, but we are not saying to the men - if you don't want to be accused of rape, don't have sex with drunk women, don't have sex unless you are 100% sure you have consent, don't have sex with women you don't know very well. There's huge outrage at a false rape accusation from a woman, but never any responsibility placed on the man in question, whereas a woman's actions (previous or at the time) are taken into account when she is raped. There's almost this attitude of men being unable to help themselves, so women have to be vigilant.

As to the original question - I saw this post a few months ago, and was shocked at the number of things I would do differently if there was a male curfew. It was quite disturbing to me, as I hadn't realised how much my life is restricted by fear.

I'm also another one who would find life less fun and no particular benefits. Because when I go out at night I often want the opportunity to flirt with/pick up men. (Yes, of course, not everyone does, but this is about what I would find different if men were confined to their homes at night.)
And of course, the other thing is that those men who are interested in abusing, annoying or physically harming women would just do so in the daytime if they weren't allowed out at night.

Are exactly. I would be interested to know what people with this victim blaming mentality might suggest my 11 year old DD can do differently to avoid being cat called whilst walking home from school in her uniform

I think that the hypothetical curfew is misguided and does push the myth of most danger to women being ‘strangers’ and ‘outside’ so we must stay inside to be most safe.

I have often had people advise me to take a taxi, or not travel alone. You rarely see a lone woman in a bar or restaurant.

However I’ve never been advised to be careful of boyfriends with red flags, or as a child been made to feel that I can call out inappropriate behaviour from family (which has happened). We need to have the facts to be able to challenge and progress.

I would like to think of a hypothetical situation where violence is no more. Where I could feel safe to be strong within any relationship without fear of abuse, and walk anywhere anytime, and feel as a child I was totally safe. That life would be worth imagining. And even though most violence is committed by men I actually think it is far more powerful to also admit that men are also victims, and that they are not 100% the cause. I don’t think that takes anything away from challenging and promoting more safety for women. We are all in this together.