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AIBU?

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Women were asked what they would do if men had to be in by 9

290 replies

Pieceofpurplesky · 07/10/2019 18:50

AIBU that the answers to this make me really sad

www.thepoke.co.uk/2018/10/01/women-imagine-life-men-9pm-curfew-eye-opener/2/

www.thepoke.co.uk/2018/10/01/women-imagine-life-men-9pm-curfew-eye-opener/2/

Sorry if this has been done

OP posts:
Venger · 07/10/2019 20:11

No one said a female world would be utopia and a man curfew isn't an actual proposal that's been put forward for consideration, it's just a what if.

It's a question that bears thinking about given the sheer numbers of women who have been threatened, intimidated, or harassed by men or who modify their behaviour in order to avoid it. Almost every woman has a story about a time when she was on the receiving end of unwanted attention, when she was hassled or cat called, that guy who wouldn't take no for an answer. We almost all of us know or have known the creepy manager who stares at your chest instead of your face, the guy at the party with wandering hands, that guy who thinks women owe him sex and whines about being friend-zoned.

How many women avoid certain streets at night, keep a tight rein on how much they drink, dance with their fingers over the top of their drink so nothing can be dropped in it, message their friends to say they're home safe, sit near the driver on the night bus, take a cab instead of the underground, carry their keys in their hand with one popped out between their knuckles just in case, carry a personal attack alarm, go on a date and arrange beforehand for a friend to call them ten minutes into it so that they can make an excuse to leave if it's all a bit 'off'?

When a woman is assaulted or killed how many times do people wonder what she was doing walking alone at night, why she was in that part of town, why she was wearing that outfit, why she'd been drinking, why her friends left her by herself, why she walked off with him, why she went back to the hotel, why she had sex with his friend a few weeks before, why she provoked him by being "mouthy" or "bitchy", why didn't she leave him, why did she stay?

But yeah, no. Men are brilliant and never ever make things difficult or awkward for women and there aren't countless micro (or not so micro) aggression carried out against women every single day.

justasking111 · 07/10/2019 20:14

Went to a very quiet hen night, dinner then a few drinks. All of us middle aged women, the bride going down the aisle for the second time. Could not believe how many times we were hit on. I kept a close eye on my drink and stayed with the crowd.

jennymanara · 07/10/2019 20:16

*some women can be just as vicious and dangerous.

Ask anyone who had done time in a women's jail if a female world is so much fun.*

I have been watching 60 days on netflix, a fly on the wall set in a women and mans jail. The differences are actually pretty stark.

CoolCarrie · 07/10/2019 20:18

I remember when the Yorkshire ripper was active the police wanted a curfew for WOMEN, not men, that is when Reclaim The Night movement started.

Aberhonddu · 07/10/2019 20:18

Danielle Muscato considers themself to be a woman so the curfew wouldn't apply.

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 07/10/2019 20:19

Both times I've been raped indoors, but nice by my then boyfriend, once by someone I went on a date with and invited into my home. So no, in my experience this won't make women safer. And it's wrong to penalise all men because of a minority.

Kittenbittenmitten · 07/10/2019 20:19

I once read that it's men who are most in danger of violence being committed against them by other men. I don't know if men have the same fear that women do when going out alone though. It's always in my mind to take the safest most public route as I know the chances of my being able to defend myself are slim.

jennymanara · 07/10/2019 20:22

Men who go to nightclubs are most in danger of being attacked, women who move in with a partner and is pregnant is most at risk of being attacked.

I have read female partners of trans women saying they worry about them as they still act like men in where they go at night and not like women.

Venger · 07/10/2019 20:22

It is not a real proposal.

It is not being planned or implemented.

It is just a hypothetical "what would you do in the evenings if all men had to be indoors by 9pm?". Its a thinking/talking point.

PanamaPattie · 07/10/2019 20:23

My dearly departed DM used to say that all men should be kept on an island. They would (under strict supervision), be allowed to leave once a week to cut the grass and put the bins out.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/10/2019 20:24

Interesting to think how the answers would differ if they were the opposite.

Women: what would you do if men had a 9pm curfew? walk around safely at night knowing I was free from rape

Men: what would you do if women had a 9pm curfew? not bother going out as there's no one to cop off with

Changestartsnow · 07/10/2019 20:26

Be the change you want to see in the world.

This goes for violence against women, men against men, male suicide, depression, famine, climate change, water shortages, war, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, tax avoidance, period poverty, murder, rape, social media, consumerism, obesity, housing crisis, child abuse, neglect, domestic abuse, bombs, dictators, sexism, racism, disease, dyslexia, child abduction, torture, kidnapping, robbery, financial abuse, corrupt governments, private schools, state schools, under funding, food waste...etc etc etc...

The whole of humanity is responsible for all the shit that goes on in the world.

JacquesHammer · 07/10/2019 20:27

The whole of humanity is responsible for all the shit that goes on in the world

So how do women change violence against them?

Venger · 07/10/2019 20:29

Let's face it, out of the two sexes it is men who are statistically more likely to engage in criminal activity and are more likely to be the perpetrators of violence, sexual assault, and murder. Not all men for sure, but more men than women.

So what's the problem with men? Why are they, as a sex, like this?

StoneofDestiny · 07/10/2019 20:29

Men ARE the problem

No, some men might be, not all.

NobdieTheNob · 07/10/2019 20:29

I was puzzled by why anyone would even ask that question.

How would you send one out for fish and chips?

I have encountered sleazy men here and abroad. I've also encountered repulsive women (there are lots of hen parties where I live, and their behaviour is just as intimidating as their stag equivalents').

I would be rather more glad if people weren't allowed to stagger around drunk in public after 9PM.

RufusthebewiIderedreindeer · 07/10/2019 20:29

I wouldn’t change anything as i am fairly old and dont go to nightclubs and busy pubs very often

But as a poster said upthread it would be lovely to see my daughter go out and not be concerned

Venger · 07/10/2019 20:30

The whole of humanity is responsible for all the shit that goes on in the world

Why are women responsible for fixing everything? Men are creating this violence, why aren't men addressing it and changing it?

JacquesHammer · 07/10/2019 20:30

No, some men might be, not all

As a class men are the problem. NAMALT is so reductive.

Changestartsnow · 07/10/2019 20:31

So how do women change violence against them?

Why are you putting it all on women to do the changing?

Kittenbittenmitten · 07/10/2019 20:32

I have read female partners of trans women saying they worry about them as they still act like men in where they go at night and not like women.
I wonder if I haven't understood correctly. Do you mean they still behave like men in that they act in a more aggressive manner or do you mean the places they choose to go are more likely to be frequented by violent men?

Changestartsnow · 07/10/2019 20:33

Why are women responsible for fixing everything? Men are creating this violence, why aren't men addressing it and changing it?

I didn't say women were responsible I said EVERYONE.

JacquesHammer · 07/10/2019 20:33

Why are you putting it all on women to do the changing?

Your post said:-

Be the change you want to see in the world

That goes for violence against women (snip). I’m asking how you think women go about that?

Venger · 07/10/2019 20:34

I didn't say women were responsible I said EVERYONE.

Men are responsible for male-led violence.

Binforky · 07/10/2019 20:35

I have never been hassled outside of my home as I'm lucky to be pretty invisible to most men. I was sexually abused by my ex so I always felt more scared at home than in it. I used to love walking through the woods at 5am by myself as he wasn't there.

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