To think that ‘mum’ friends are often far more hassle than they’re worth?!

[Blargon7]

Jeez.

I’ve been dropped by my close ‘mum’ friend from the school, she’s gone from being super keen to not wanting to meet up with me. It really hurts and I don’t know why. She is however still going around with another group of mums, a couple of whom she has moaned about to me on many occasions.

Then there are the other women there. Some I say hi and have a quick chat to but sadly we don’t have much in common and don’t really click, it’s just polite how are your kids doing chat which is fine.

Then there are a lot of mums who have cliques and seem to bully and slag off a bunch of other mums to the point where some mums have stopped coming into the playground and have been reduced to tears.

I just can’t be arsed with this fucking bullshit anymore! Life is too bloody short.

What’s your experience?!

I don’t think you should entirely dismiss mum friends. You are a mum too, and you will be liked by some, as they might like you.
Just be strong, do the PTA stuff and relax.

‘A lot of this stuff is misogynistic rubbish’

@jennymanara?

Only a die hard ...... could blame this on Men when they are not even involved or mentioned!

I feel your pain and hurt.
The same think happened to me.
My friend and I would call us the 'unreluctants!' She would laugh at how all the other mums were so pretentious and would rather pay £5 for a coffee rather than a couple of quid at the common coffee. Then all of a sudden she stopped wanting to hang out with me and wanted to hang out with all the mums she wasn't keen on. I tried asking her I'd done something wrong but she kept saying no. She then went on to tell these women I talked about them- even though she did too, in fact she referred to one as the Yorkshire terrier - they completely alienated me.
I'm over it now but it took a long time. Take a deep breath, realise this women used you, walk away and do t look back. These people are not your friends.
Good luck xx

Got a lovely group of mum friends actually. Maybe sometimes you just get lucky

My kids are 20, 19 and 6 ... I tried to be friends with the other Mums when my elder two were at school , but witnessed exactly what you described so this time around i either wait in my car until the doors open or politely just say hello and not get involved . too much bitchiness, cliquiness and my childs better than your child mothers

I made some great friends amongst the school mums - it was of its time, children moved on to different schools, people moved with jobs etc so some friendships survived and some didn’t. Normal cycle of life I think.

But bullying ? ‘Slagging off ‘ ? That doesn’t sound as if any of the people involved are mature enough to have children themselves. . Grow up.

Some of my friends are mums but we were friends before we had kids (so therefore, had common interests/similar values beforehand) which is why I think my friendships have lasted. I'm not averse to making new mum friends but I don't see how a friendship based solely on the fact that you both happened to give birth in the same year could ever last. Ive chatted with other mums at the school gates and whilst I found them pleasant enough for small talk, I also found them somewhat cliquey, critical of others, and not particularly welcoming of "new people" in terms of anything deeper. I'm not bashing them for it- they clearly dont like newcomers and prefer to stick with their little groups. Thats fine. Its not really my thing anyway- its all a bit too gossipy and "high school" for me so I just chat superficially and leave it at that. I must admit, I do wonder how many of those school mum friendships will last once their kids have either left school or get too old to require a pick up because much like school days- a lot of them appear to be based on proximity in the playground, rather than genuine shared values or common interests.

I have had this happen twice to me.
I was so sceptical about making friends at the school gate but tried because thought it would be nice for the children and to extend my existing social circle. It’s always nice to have friends isn’t it.
They both said some pretty hurtful things, one does talk to me when she sees me, but can’t help but think she does this out of embarrassment and no one available to speak to instead. The other one won’t have anything to do with me.
I felt stupid and still do on the school run now. I miss the two friends and sadly just resigned myself to nodding politely at everyone. The school mum part of me now feels lonely and can’t wait for it to be over tbh.

I never got involved in that playground clique, I worked full time for a start and most of the others didn’t. I also worked in a large open plan office where there was always one or more women pregnant so we had our children support at work.

I found the playground full of pretentious bitchy witches and I CbA.

Well you were also in that playground

I bonded with one mum friend from playgroup who is crackers and we are still best mates 22 years on. Did nursery primary and high school together. We were single parents and did holidays and have plenty of tales to remember when we are older. Got married within three months of each other in our 40's. Think it was a case of right place at the right time

I hate the school run too. My child’s in Year 4 and I’m wishing her Primary school years away. Even though I’m not working at the moment, I make sure I’m there as little as possible. I’m pretty sure the other parents don’t know I exist. I had one ‘mum’ friend from nursery school but she turned on me in the playground, so I withdrew even more into myself. (I have social phobia) Shame as our daughters are good friends but it’s affected their friendship. I’m be happy if I never set eyes on her again. Parties are a minefield too. The last party I did for my child, an activity, 12 class children were invited, 2 parents never rsvp, 5 parents said sorry, their child couldn’t attend, another 2 dropped out at the last minute so I had to ask children from other settings to make up the numbers. It was a stressful experience and I swore the next year it would be a very small party 4-5 at the most. I’ve noticed lots of children have never asked my child to their parties even though they’ve been invited to hers from Reception upwards. I don’t know if it’s because I’m not ‘friends’ with the parents or because I have a disability with speech impediment. I won’t be inviting those children again because it’s getting a bit annoying. I feel those parents have made it quite clear. I feel bad that I may be affecting my child’s friendships...

@Vulpine. Stop trying to deny our experiences. There's hundreds of posts on this thread now and this issue has been discussed to death on these boards. Stop trying to make out that this situation doesn't exist as if it's all in our minds.

I have no time for the shit.

In the morning.....walk in, drop child, walk out.

In the afternoon.....walk in, grab child, walk out.

That’s it.

I’ll give a friendly smile, and talk if someone talks to me, but I don’t get involved. It’s so false.

I dont have many friends...and im more than hsppy with that...way too much drama!

Pick up times for me were opportunities to catch up on a bit of reading in the car or open the mail. I'm not comfortable with forced friendships and had nothing in common with my child's mates Mothers.

Pleasant enough people, but we all had different interests or at stages in life.

What @Divebar said. Completely!

I was so glad when all this was over. For some reason I never felt I belonged to any particular group outside school. I smiled and chatted if I found myself standing next to someone but it never went further than that. I now realise how lucky I was!

You don’t realise who your real friends are until the hard times hit & we’ve had the hard times in abundance this year. My mum friends have got me through someone dying suddenly and someone else in the family having a serious MH crisis. I don’t know what I’d have done without the repeated kindness and time given to me by my friends, I feel v lucky.

I think like so much in life it's down to luck. I have some absolutely lovely mum friends but will they last once my children are all grown up? I don't know. I have definitely seen a lot of bitchiness in the playground which I think is incredibly sad and childish, and competitive parenting makes me want to cry. The older I get the more bored I get listening to some people literally list their children's schedules and successes when I ask how are you? It's like a verbal facebook, a glossed over version of reality, making even a casual chat tiring!!!

I think the majority of my friends are parents, but only because i like them. I cba with the situational thing.

Only a die hard ...... could blame this on Men when they are not even involved or mentioned!

You don't have to be male to be a misogynist. Many in this thread are claiming women in particular exhibit negative traits such as bitchiness - the very definition of misogyny. Many many women hold these views - nothing at all to do with being male!

YANBU.

I nicknamed them "The School gate Mafia" for good reason.

Thankfully I've always worked so I only ever showed my face to pick up and drop off. The one occasion I made friends with a couple of mums it went the way you describe and worse and I decided never again.

It's not worth the stress and anxiety. Hopefully you have other friends?

well said x

Ah, the school Mum's, they're a fickle bunch!

I personally got pushed out of our 'Mum Group' and not invited to events when they found out I was alot younger than them. I got fed the patronising line "Oh, you are just a baby having a baby!". They only found out my age because multiple Mum's asked me! Imagine if asked them their age and then commented on what an old mother they are! Bet that wouldn't have gone down too well!

All playgrounds are the same. It's nothing you have done wrong OP, just brush it off and steer well clear!