To think that ‘mum’ friends are often far more hassle than they’re worth?!

[Blargon7]

Jeez.

I’ve been dropped by my close ‘mum’ friend from the school, she’s gone from being super keen to not wanting to meet up with me. It really hurts and I don’t know why. She is however still going around with another group of mums, a couple of whom she has moaned about to me on many occasions.

Then there are the other women there. Some I say hi and have a quick chat to but sadly we don’t have much in common and don’t really click, it’s just polite how are your kids doing chat which is fine.

Then there are a lot of mums who have cliques and seem to bully and slag off a bunch of other mums to the point where some mums have stopped coming into the playground and have been reduced to tears.

I just can’t be arsed with this fucking bullshit anymore! Life is too bloody short.

What’s your experience?!

I’m in my 12th year on the playground. When DC1 started school, I was always on the periphery of things. I’m quite socially awkward, so find it hard to strike up a conversation with people. However, no one was horrible, people always said hello and I went on a few quiz nights with some of the others. After that DC left primary, I didn’t stay in contact with anyone, although still said hello to people who had younger DC at the school on the school run. However, I was aware of fallings out and big arguments amongst the other mums and I was just pleased not to be part of it.

With DC2, I became part of a small friendship group when he was in yr 4. I stayed friends with that group and we still socialise even though our DC are in their third year at secondary.

Last DC is in yr 6. He has SEN and is clearly different from the other children. I mostly stand alone in the playground when I pick him up. Sometimes people will say hello in passing, but there are only two parents in the class I’ve ever had a conversation with. I actually don’t care. To be honest I’ve been quite wound up when I’ve heard them moaning that their child isn’t on the most academic table. I feel like saying to them, ‘at least your child will one day be independent’. I have nothing in common with them.

I can't be arsed with it all. There's WhatsApp for the class, separate ones for 'coffee mornings' 'nights out' 'book club', then secret ones between other mum cliques mainly bitching about others. My eldest has made their own friends, my youngest will in his time (only just started). I'm too old and bitter for this mum clique crap.

YABU - not everyone is like this. I’m not. My ‘mum friends’ are completely loving and we don’t spend our time slagging off others. We’re actually super inclusive.

My brother and his wife set up an anti-clique brigade with other "excluded" ones" whereby they'd invite everyone to things and when "clique people" wanted in they'd say "sorry, numbers are full" or suchlike. Some of the stunts were outright nasty, and yes, definitely bullying behaviour.

I love this!

Agree its bullshit.
Normally people you wouldn't be friends with, if it weren't for the kids.
Glad I'm past the playground stage. I think most of us find it hellish at times.

I wait in the car for my kids and don't talk to any of them 😂 I do say hi and wave though.

zen1, my dcs have additional needs, nothing like that to get other 'school mums ' running like it's catching. I'm with you. Thank goodness they're at secondary school.

You’ve just reminded me why I kept as far away from the other mums as possible when my son was a primary school. Little cliques of gossipy women with nothing better to do. Like @vintanner I wasn’t drawn to any of them. I worked full time on shifts so managed to miss some off the drop offs and collections but I always felt like I didn’t fit in.

This is exactly why I couldn't wait for my children to be old enough to go to and from school on their own. I always hated all the fake friend ness of the playground and the bitching between mums, couldn't wait to not have to do it anymore. I was always on the edge of it because I lived in a different village from the one where my children's school was so there were a group of us who were never quite accepted into the clique, and the suited me fine to be honest but the day I didn't have to even try any more was a very happy one.

Oh. I'm actually so happy with making new mum friends. I moved to a new area and it's lovely to be able to make new friends and have play dates for my little ones. I guess i'm just lucky... or the mum everyone finds annoying. Either way, i'm happy!

If the only thing you have in common is your children and you build a relationship on that then there comes a day, in my experience, when it becomes painfully obvious that you have very little in common and were just there to support each other through the toddler years (for example)

There's nothing wrong with friendships that are temporary, sometimes it's what is needed for that time in your lives. It doesn't stop it hurting if you are the one that gets dropped though.

I have never done cliques or friendships with school mums (my mum friends were made at playgroup) but Y2 pickup is currently unpleasant because of one woman. She is awful. She holds dominion over a group of 6 other parents who are all quite chatty when she isn't there. They're Polish, so once the chat starts it's impossible for me to join in. However they do chat with other parents when Queen Bee isn't there. She looks down her nose at anyone who isn't in her gang and is quite unpleasant. I've given up saying hello to her because it isn't very pleasant receiving a sneer in return.

I just chat with anyone I'm stood next to but mostly I sit in my car until 2.58 to ensure my time in the playground is kept to a minimum.

When I used to do the school run I would chat to people about general stuff, pass the time etc as it was nice to know people in the same stage of life as us. A few of them have become proper friends as we have other things in common besides having dc the same age, so we have stayed friends even though we don’t walk to school anymore.

I didn’t get involved in all the cliquey stuff as life to too short for all that stress!

Yanbu from my experience. Right bunch of bitches around my way, spend their time bitching about their husbands, and everyone else in the village.

@formerbabe it is horrible for the innocent kids who couldn't give a rats arse about this 'mum friends' nonsense.

It broke my heart at the weekend when my DS came down from his bedroom with cute handmade invitations he'd made himself, inviting his friends to share his upcoming birthday with him. The resulting tears when I told him we couldn't do a party and to not hand the invites out were just awful. I feel so bloody guilty.

I felt so bad I did start looking into venues and weighing up costs etc, but then I sat back and thought it's best for him to just be upset at me for saying no to a party than arranging a party, him getting all excited only for nobody to turn up. I just couldn't bear to see him hurt like that.

Why is it that when you have a group of friends it’s “ a group of friends” but when someone else has a group of friends it’s a “ clique”? . Perhaps everyone else looks at your group of friends and thinks clique? All of this is extremely pathetic and I suspect people need to have a bit more going on in their lives so they don’t place so much stock in what other parents are doing.

OH THANK GOD IT’S NOT JUST ME. Phew I thought I was some sort of leapor Or something. I was friendly with a mum for a year before her daughter went to school. My daughter helped bring her daughter out of her shell and the mum and I got on well. She often spoke about this one and that one. Then a year later she was suddenly oh I want her to play with this other girl she is starting school with. I was a bit perturbed but also thought that’s fair,although I did stupidly thought that she could of played with both my daughter and this other girl since my daughter had done so much for her. But the mum suddenly when In a mood then all contact stopped (I don’t chase friendships) The new school year and the ones she was talking about are her new besties. Not bothered for myself but for my daughter who was a bit put out at the time.
Now forward another year and ones that I thought I was well not friends but had known for some time and who’s kids had played with my daughter for years are suddenly part of this clique and my daughter seems to be getting the blame for another kid causing problems I.E splitting up kids that play together. So now my daughter is in the house or playing by herself to prove a point that it is in fact not her doing it but one of the others.
2 days into it and it’s played out already that this certain one that we knew to be the cause is doing what he does best splitting up friends and causing fights. Only now he doesn’t have my daughter to blame. So let’s see how this one goes down.
I have no interest For myself but my daughter is very hurt by the fact that first she is getting the blame but secondly that she now has no one to play with at the moment.
It really gets my goat how some people can behave. 😡😡😡😡😡😡

In my experience, adults are a lot worse than the kids for playground squabbling, I have one true friend from our kids being at Primary together, the others who were in the same class, I’m polite to when I see them, as quite a few of the others are back stabbing bitches who have upset more people than they get on with. It’s a sad fact, but make sure you know where you stand with these kind of mums.

My DD is too young for school yet, but I'll definitely be keeping a bit of distance between myself and the school mums. I'll be polite, friendly and happily chat away, but I won't be getting on like they're my new best mates. I have friends who I've known years and trust, I have very good friendships with my colleagues in work, very happy with DP and get on well with my family/DPs family- I don't have a 'need' for any more people to care about in my life.

I know it sounds harsh, but honestly, I just don't want to shit where my kids have to eat, to put it bluntly. I'd rather get on with everyone and keep my distance, than get really close with mum x and y, then there be a big falling out, and my children bear the brunt of it. Gossip travels around the playground far too quickly. I remember as a kid at primary school my mum kept out of things which in the end I was very glad of- the amount of fall outs that happened was ridiculous and even the kids knew who hated who. I still got invited to all the parties, had play dates, etc, but without any of the drama and ridiculous expectations selfish people put on others (picking up their kid from school and being CFs, etc).

Wow, I’m really surprised by this thread, how many people say ‘cliques’ and ‘bitchiness’ are a thing at their school or deliberately hold aloof. I don’t really socialise with other school mums without children in tow but I consider some of them friends because I enjoy their company and we do occasional favours for each other. The same as having work colleagues you genuinely like. Others I rarely bump into for a quick chat but it’s nice when we do, and then there’s the ones I don’t really know / just say hi to. There’s a fair amount of WhatsApp chat but it tends to be the ‘what was the homework?’ ‘Don’t forget they need to wear green on Friday’ variety.

@Nexa. Omg, that is such a coincidence..My dd also did the same with invites and I weighed up having a party but didn't in the end. So upsetting...My dd got very upset about not being invited to parties, she said she thinks she weird and that's why no one invites her. It's awful because part of me would love to tell these women what I think of them but I guess this would only make things worse for my dd...eugh, it's all so ghastly.

I just read what I wrote and it sounded more formal than I meant. There are mums who are lovely people, but if our DCs go to different secondary schools (oldest is Y6 now) we’ll not really see each other any more I expect. I’ll miss them!

It depends on the school, DD's old school the school gate politics were horrendous. New school everyone knows everyone, they chat, there's hardly ever any drama, there are the odd parents who don't like each other but they just stay away from each other and no one else seems to get involved, its like they are all actually adults!

I was dreading having children of school age for this very reason. However, since my daughter started Reception, I’ve made a group of what I consider to be very good friends. No drama. Just support, laughter and drunken karaoke! Some of the women have older children and have said that it’s very odd how well we all get on and how close we are, so I realise we’re in the minority.
I do understand how awful it must be if there’s any nastiness in the playground though.

I’ve been quite lucky, my DD’s class (Y1) most of the mums are really nice and friendly, but you have got the odd 2 or 3 who I don’t think anything of. I got glared at by one of them today because the mum she was talking to said hello to me as I arrived

I have heard a lot about other year groups at the school and one class in particular have very cliche mums!

Some people get far too invested, far too quickly with new friends, whether they meet in the playground, at work or in the gym. I have met some very nice people ‘in the playground’, I always offer to join the PTA (4 different schools) & despite moving away have kept up one or two friendships. You can’t write off a whole group of people as ‘cliquey’, some you will gel with, others you won’t but a friendly smile and an offer to help usually goes a long way.
My DS is now at uni but I am still friends with most of the ‘mum friends’ met through primary school ... of course I have other friends too.