To think that ‘mum’ friends are often far more hassle than they’re worth?!

[Blargon7]

Jeez.

I’ve been dropped by my close ‘mum’ friend from the school, she’s gone from being super keen to not wanting to meet up with me. It really hurts and I don’t know why. She is however still going around with another group of mums, a couple of whom she has moaned about to me on many occasions.

Then there are the other women there. Some I say hi and have a quick chat to but sadly we don’t have much in common and don’t really click, it’s just polite how are your kids doing chat which is fine.

Then there are a lot of mums who have cliques and seem to bully and slag off a bunch of other mums to the point where some mums have stopped coming into the playground and have been reduced to tears.

I just can’t be arsed with this fucking bullshit anymore! Life is too bloody short.

What’s your experience?!

My brother and his wife set up an anti-clique brigade with other "excluded" ones" whereby they'd invite everyone to things and when "clique people" wanted in they'd say "sorry, numbers are full" or suchlike. Some of the stunts were outright nasty, and yes, definitely bullying behaviour.

One mum after initially introducing herself to me and having a nice chat, just started blanking me. No idea why. Then I had to send her a text about something...kept it short, polite and to the point, then she messaged me back hunning and asking how I was and general chit chat...next time I saw her, she still blanked me.

Weirdos!

I agree
They totally are .... 56 years old and I’ve had a declutter ...

Aww don’t cut off your nose to spite your face though. Met some of my dearest friends at the school gate. Luck of the draw if they likeminded I guess

Don't get involved with school mums unless you really like one or two.

They tend to be bitchy and stupid and manipulative.

Maintain your existing girlfriends and community

So any woman with children that she takes to school is “bitchy and manipulative”? Do you include yourself in that group?! What a weird post

I've had a mixture of good and bad experiences.

The bad was when our resident alpha mum decided she wanted to be friends with everyone, including me, but didn't want anyone else to be friends with each other. I wasn't interesting in getting involved in any of her shit so she was absolutely vile to me for months. To the point where I didn't want to walk to school. Then I saw the light and realised she was just an absolute cow of a woman and moved on.

The good is that my close bunch of friends in the village I live in are all women I've met through the school playground and they are the most lovely women you could meet. All very different, our kids are not the same age and all go to different secondary schools now but we are still very close friends.

I've just had the same done to me OP. I'm devastated! I know that sounds dramatic but 🤷‍♀️
The difficulty is I'm a SAHM so it's natural that you meet friends through school. I'm also not sure its specific to school mums - I think female friendships in general can be really hard.

I don't know. I just take people as I find them. some on the playground seem nice and some don't/ i don't click with them.
I am a bit wary of getting too involved because of how awkward it would be stood on the playground for 5 years with any kind of 'vibes" or if my kid befriended someone that I'd had to distance from.

I think you're in a batter position if you have a group of friends from pre-kid days.

I'm quite shy too so who I am on the playground is a bit of a face tbh.

One of my "mum" friends let me down recently so I'm backing away.

Just remove the word "mum" and I'd behave the same.

Only on mumsnet can everyone on a thread think that everyone else who has kids in school is a cliquey bitch because they share a playground . And not see a jot of irony!
And yet you failed to see the irony on your own post.

If your face doesn't fit....... that's my experience.

Or your accent!

I've been actively excluded from the group of mums from my sons year because I'm a Northerner. I've lived in the south east for 10 yrs, but that doesn't matter. Apparently I'm "not as cool" as I think I am just because I'm from Up North

Its led to me being excluded from their FB group, WhatsApp group deliberately ignored at school events like the Teddy Bears picnic, sports day, assemblies. coffee mornings. I've been shoulder barged and comments made about me loudly. Not to my face, but so I can hear... "Ha, look at her all on her own, not so fucking cool now is she!"]

TBH I've had my fill of bitchy nasty cliques so I'm not too bothered, but what really gets to me is that it extends to my DS who's been excluded from their children's birthday parties, even though he's friends with their kids. And I can't have a birthday party for him as I know none of them will come.

It took just ONE woman to dislike that I was born in the North and my subsequent accent to round everyone else up make me an outcast.

I haven't actually done a damn thing to any of these people. Not a thing. I've never been given the chance!

And God only knows where the ringleader came up with the "she thinks she's so cool" bollocks. If she actually got to know me she'd realise I'm very nerdy and was bullied at school by the cool popular kids for being a book-reading swot! I've never been cool in my entire life

I think it's just luck. I have three kids, and of all the mums I've met there are a handful who I would consider an actual friend ie someone I would meet up with without kids and whose company I enjoy. In my youngest's year group we had the unusual situation of having a lot of us who genuinely got on well and we still meet for coffee regularly and have even been camping together more than once.

@Nexa

Same with me. My DD is friends with everyone but never gets invited to anything. She is also desperate for a birthday party but I honestly think no one will come so put it off every year. It's horrible isn't it

I totally appreciate it can be this way but I have to say, my mum friends are bloody brilliant and are my absolute rocks. I am so thankful I have them in my lives. Got lucky I guess

I made no effort to make friends when my kids started school, but ended up with loads of really good ones. Still very close despite leaving primary years ago.

I have no experience of cliques or bitchy women. I’ve only heard of it on here tbh and I think it’s definitely not the norm.

@bonbonours. I agree it's just luck. My ds was in two separate schools and I never had this problem with the mums in his classes. I wasn't best mates but we could have a chat and socialise with the kids. I've been very unlucky with my dds class. A couple of queen bees took a dislike to me.

I haven't made friends through school yet either, none that I could contact for a quick coffee or evening drink. It does make me a little sad and lonely as I don't have friends in my village particularly, but I guess is a result of me being quite selective who I spend time with - and haven't really met anyone that I'd want to despite having a first born who has nearly finished primary school.

A mum I thought I liked well enough recently shocked me by her full blown racism , so I'd much rather my own company than her.

As a teacher I used to watch the different mom’s groups at the gate.
The popular pretty ones, the outsiders, and worst of all the “ Pram Club “ as we used to call them.
Be friendly , but keep away from specific friendship groups is my advice.

I think it’s pure luck. I got badly burnt. I opened up and went above and beyond for somebody who I thought was a best friend and now she’s off with her other mum friends and I don’t even get included. I just find it all exhausting and I honestly thought it would be easier than this. I’ve nevef had much luck with female friends and I was really looking forward to the kids starting school and the opportunity to forge new friendships but sadly it just hasn’t worked out for me.

I try to be pleasant to everyone but I don't really invest in school mums or see them in the same bracket as my own real friends as such. It would take a really special school mum and probably several years of decent friendship/contact for them to mean more to me or to share more with them or expect more from them than a pleasant chat at parties/school gates, or the occasional coffee and playdate etc. I save my wholehearted friendship, support and concern etc for proven true friends (and family).

No shortage of material here!

Excellent by-product of being too busy with work. I don't see the school gates and don't have to pretend those people are my friends.

I hate the school run I'm lucky my dp doesn't start work until 11 so he can do the morning and my mum does the 3 pick ups when I'm working yeah there's a group at my dcs school who turn up half a hour early to stand and gossip in there gym gear yet don't go to the gym I just avoid them I avoid most people though I have no interest in making friends with anyone in the school playground .

I don't really hang around with "groups" of mums. I have friends who are mums, but they're part of different friendship groups. None of these are women I've met through DS's school - one is a friend that I've known 20+ years since we were at school, another is a woman I met through a mutual friend and we clicked, another is also a friend I've known for 10+ years.

I don't socialise with the mums at the school, we have a chat at pick up time but I'm not close with them. I've never really got the whole "must be friends because our children are in the same class" thing when we might not have anything else in common.

Can't say I've noticed any "cliques" though. There are no "queen bees" and all that other nonsense.