Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that ‘mum’ friends are often far more hassle than they’re worth?!

358 replies

Blargon7 · 07/10/2019 10:45

Jeez.

I’ve been dropped by my close ‘mum’ friend from the school, she’s gone from being super keen to not wanting to meet up with me. It really hurts and I don’t know why. She is however still going around with another group of mums, a couple of whom she has moaned about to me on many occasions.

Then there are the other women there. Some I say hi and have a quick chat to but sadly we don’t have much in common and don’t really click, it’s just polite how are your kids doing chat which is fine.

Then there are a lot of mums who have cliques and seem to bully and slag off a bunch of other mums to the point where some mums have stopped coming into the playground and have been reduced to tears.

I just can’t be arsed with this fucking bullshit anymore! Life is too bloody short.

What’s your experience?!

OP posts:
Ninkaninus · 07/10/2019 11:34

Yeah I never got involved either - I cannot stand playground dramas amongst adults and I have no time for petty politics.

I’d rather not have friends than have to deal with that sort of crap.

Loveoddthings · 07/10/2019 11:35

Not my experience
My “mum” friends have supported me through divorce and complete upheaval. No judgement. Just kind works and practical support.

We have a lovely book club once a month and regular coffees and the odd dinner with partners.

5 years and still going strong

Babynut1 · 07/10/2019 11:35

I’ve made a group of lifelong friends from my children’s school. We have a ball together when we meet up. There are a few who I give a wide berth to, but on the whole most of the mums are great!

Vulpine · 07/10/2019 11:36

Ive made some lovely friends amongst the mums (and some dads!) at my kids school. Theyre just humans

Remoteisland · 07/10/2019 11:38

My ‘mum’ friends, who I’ve had for many years now, are my lifeline. I have no family and a useless STBXH. My friends are supportive, not bitchy and I would have gone under many times over without that network. But there are a few cliques and groups in the playground who I avoid like the plague. I think it’s pot luck. But it does seem negative experiences with this issue abound which makes me so sad. I have daughters. I endlessly try to instil in them that a little kindness goes a long way. I’m not a man-hater by any stretch but, by God, life is easier when women stick together and support each other.

Merryoldgoat · 07/10/2019 11:38

My son is in year 2 and it’s only in the last 6 months I’ve made some friends.

We’re all a bit like you I think. I’m not interested in cliques. I just want to have some friends to have coffee with and enjoy play dates with.

The first group aren’t your friends.

Take a step back. You’ll find some other people like you who aren’t interested in the crap.

We don’t even necessarily chat in the playground as we’re all busy with various stuff (work, getting toddlers to nursery etc).

Just be glad you didn’t waste any more time on her.

ilovetofu · 07/10/2019 11:39

Well you all sound like a bunch of fun! (Turns and runs out the playground) Confused

formerbabe · 07/10/2019 11:41

I've kept my own social life separate from the school gates...happy to say hello and have a chit chat though. Unfortunately, this has massively impacted dc2. She is not invited to anything. The parents in her class are besties...you are either in or out. There's no middle ground. They only do play dates and parties with the children of their friends. Because of this, there's a horrible atmosphere at pick up...not especially aimed at me but just in general. If you're part of the clique, it's all hugs at pick up and lots of hunning...if you're not, it's dirty looks. I hate it.

MsTSwift · 07/10/2019 11:42

My parents still hang out with their school gate friends and I am 45 Grin
I have met a few real diamonds have struck lucky

IsobelRae23 · 07/10/2019 11:42

I have a 14 & 19 year old. I have never had mum friends. I knew the mums to talk too each day on the yard, hows work, hows life, hows the kids, ready for Christmas, how was your holiday, would Freddie like to come over tomorrow for tea, would Eddie like to sleep over Saturday night Etc. But that’s where it ended. I had my own friends. I didn’t need these mums as friends just because our dc are friends and in the same class. I actually find that really weird and needy. It’s like seeing work mates as best friends just because you work together. No thanks, I will keep my own.

stripes1 · 07/10/2019 11:42

Yanbu. I was dropped suddenly by a friend I’d made on the playground. 3 years on I have no idea what I did, but went from seeing her regularly with our toddlers and chatting on the school playground to being completed ignored. It really hurt. Now I am polite to people but just drop off and pick up and don’t attempt to make friends with other mums.

mbosnz · 07/10/2019 11:42

Well you all sound like a bunch of fun! (Turns and runs out the playground)

Nope, I'm not fun. Grin

This was part of the problem - I wasn't into sex toy parties, and all that jazz, so I was clearly an uptight stick in the mud who wasn't up for a good time. (Fair enough for people who are - just not my thing!)

I think I'm not very good at friendships, so I'm well aware that I'm a part of the (non) problem.

Flippetydip · 07/10/2019 11:43

@wondering7777 - don't dread it. This has absolutely not been my experience. I have 2 children who have been through pre-school (nightmare experience but that was my fault for joining the committee - you do NOT have to do that) and are now coming to the end of primary school. School drop offs and pick-ups have always been fine. Often I'm just on time so don't have hours to spend listening to the gossip and if I chat it's generally about people's dogs that they have with them. Then the kids come out and off you go.

It really doesn't have to be bad. It's like moaning about traffic - you are part of that traffic - you are (going to be) part of the school pick-up. Make of it what you will. Be cheerful and pleasant and don't get massively embroiled.

FrenchJunebug · 07/10/2019 11:43

I've never understood why people think you should become friend with other parents whose kid are in the same class of yours. Yes you may become friend with them but it's a bonus not an obligation.

wondering7777 · 07/10/2019 11:43

If you're part of the clique, it's all hugs at pick up and lots of hunning...if you're not, it's dirty looks. I hate it.

I can’t believe grown women act like this - it sounds horrible! I’m quite a shy and anxious person so don’t anticipate making many friends. Can you not form your own clique with some of the other mums though @formerbabe?

dottiedodah · 07/10/2019 11:44

A long time ago now ,but this seems very familiar! Many Mums in Primary School can be quite cliquey especially if they are of the same "type"! I had one or two Mums that I would speak to ,and would sometimes meet one or two others.I find that as I have other friends it doesnt really matter too much .My Son would often have friends with quite different parents to us ,and I would often chat to some of the girls Mums!

Manicpixiedreambitch · 07/10/2019 11:44

Everyone is really nice at my kids' school, I don't recognise this at all.

FeckOffGraham · 07/10/2019 11:45

mbosnz

Same here. I am zero fun. Unless you think refusing to bitch about the school / other mums / other children Shock, minding my own damn business and doing a lot of yoga is fun... which I do actually... hang on! I AM fun!

wondering7777 · 07/10/2019 11:45

Thanks @Flippetydip - that approach sounds good!

DamonSalvatoresDinner · 07/10/2019 11:46

Aw this all sounds such a shame. I have a group of friends from the school run and yep, like any group of women together we'll stand around and gossip but we're also a bit mother hen like with anyone who is new or looks lonely. Two new kids have started recently so we've had a good chat to their parents telling them about the after school clubs, where the best place is to get uniforms, what the teachers are like, what's going to be happening that year (such as trips etc) and whatever else.

You do have the nasty types too and sure, I see how they can make school mum friends look like a bad idea but knowing the nasty ones pre kids too they're just cows either way. The school is just another venue to be a nasty, bitchy prick.

formerbabe · 07/10/2019 11:47

@wondering7777

There's quite a few mums on the edges but I think so many people feel intimidated by it all, they keep their heads down.

Shinesweetfreedom · 07/10/2019 11:47

Seriously sack that shit off.
I am so glad my child is at senior school now and I don’t have to get involved in this bollocks anymore.
Walk in breezy hi and walk out again.
Just don’t get involved beyond that.

FeckOffGraham · 07/10/2019 11:48

Oh flippety same here re preschool committee! Never, NEVER again.

Aderyn19 · 07/10/2019 11:49

The school mum thing is weird. Sometimes literally the only thing you have in common with these people is that you had children at the same time. I've had 4 DC go through school and I only made one genuine 'mum' friend in all that time.
Best thing imo is to surface chat with everyone, not get too involved and get your child asap and leave. I stay off all the group chats, barely use FB and it's great.

FeckOffGraham · 07/10/2019 11:49

Also, if anyone 'huns' me I do an inward shudder. I can't help it. Did I mention, I'm not fun..?

Swipe left for the next trending thread