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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to kick his arse out first thing!

239 replies

Lazingonasunnyafternoon · 07/10/2019 05:40

New account as I couldn’t figure out how to name change!
Not been married that long, had to log in to my not so DH’s email (not snooping I know the password and was checking an email about insurance which he knew I was doing at some point over this weekend) there was an email with the kind of title you don’t ignore, find out that he joined a hook up site a few days ago.
I’m strangely calm, there is no going back from this, it’s not something I imagined he would do but I suppose we never know anyone do we, our marriage is over. He doesn’t know I know at this point, he was asleep and I wanted to plan my next move, not wake him up and have a terrible argument in the middle of the night.
My AIBU is ....
Would throwing him out as soon as the kids have gone to school with a bag of clothes and nothing else be unreasonable?
What’s the etiquette for finding out a wanker has joined a hook up site (of course I logged in to it straight from his email), he has received messages but not sent any. Are you supposed to reasonably discuss the situation and let them have time to find somewhere else to live? Or am I being completely reasonable by at least giving him the opportunity to pack a bag?

OP posts:
MarianaMoatedGrange · 07/10/2019 09:42

Cut to next week where Flipflop's DH was NOT cheating, he was just showing his mate how to shag the local barmaid

Grin
AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 07/10/2019 09:43

Oh jeez what a wanker, so sorry OP. You've been married for a few weeks and he's gone and done this! Hope you're ok

zzzzzzzz12345 · 07/10/2019 09:43

And yep, I feel for the poor poster who genuinely believed her husband signed up to tinder to show his mate how to use it. Shows how we believe what we want to when we love someone. We’ve all been there in some form or other.

JorisBonson · 07/10/2019 09:44

@Dalooah

RTFT. She found HIS profile.

And if that happened, surely that's the sort of thing you'd share an be bemused / laugh together.

Scrumptiousbears · 07/10/2019 09:48

What a shit. I'd like to think I'd kick my DP out if I found this as well.

FizzyIce · 07/10/2019 09:49

Good luck OP, it’s a refreshing change to read someone isn’t taking any shit and realises they don’t need anyone so much they overlook their shitty behaviour.
If only there were more people like you

ExhaustedGrinch · 07/10/2019 09:51

Good luck OP. I admire your strength in not having woken him up and kicked him out there and then!

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 07/10/2019 09:52

Very well done to you OP! You had a boundary- he breached it- consequences happen.

How very refreshing to see a woman on MN feeling secure enough to take the action She knows she needs to. Take no bullshit OP. You know your own husband and you know your own instinct.

LifeonVenus · 07/10/2019 09:54

This is the difference between being financially independent and not.

Love to hear his excuse.........

Shellington5 · 07/10/2019 09:55

oh dear, what a horrible shock. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. If it were my husband, he'd be out, some might to recover, but for me, I couldn't come back from it. x

FizzyGreenWater · 07/10/2019 09:55

I will give him an opportunity to explain but in the face of such evidence I can’t imagine there is an innocent explanation.

Ha I'd love to hear one!

Seriously though - get him straight out asap, even if you dangle the 'I need some space for a while' card just to get him out of the door. You are married so it isn't 100% cut and dried - fairly probably is, but I'd make damn sure that no matter what he says he is out today along with his stuff, then I'd be straight on to the solicitor. No chance of an annulment I suppose???

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 07/10/2019 09:55

This is the difference between being financially independent and not.

Absolutely!

AliasGrape · 07/10/2019 09:57

Good luck OP!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/10/2019 09:57

good luck OP

Dita73 · 07/10/2019 09:59

Bounce his arse down the street. He’s a shitbag

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 07/10/2019 10:01

The fact that it was his password that he always uses says that it was him and not op's children or anyone any who signed him up.

The sign up email was on Friday so it isnt an old account.

I admire you Op, you're dealing with this in the right way. We can all say we would do but when it actually comes to it that's a different matter a lot of the time.

MinTheMinx · 07/10/2019 10:01

This is the difference between being financially independent and not.

I'm going to show this thread to my teenage daughter later as a perfect example of the importance of maintaining financial independence in a relationship.

Good luck OP!

olivesnutsandcheese · 07/10/2019 10:10

Good luck OP. Yanbu in the slightest
I hope you get some real life support from friends as well

OpiesOldLady · 07/10/2019 10:12

Just be aware that you have to be married for a year and a day before you can apply for a divorce.

KatyCarrCan · 07/10/2019 10:12

The financial independence point is so true.

JollyHolly30 · 07/10/2019 10:14

Good luck today OP. You sound amazingly strong!

championquartz · 07/10/2019 10:18

Soryy you're going through this today OP.

I admire your resolution and calmness! Good luck today.

ghostofharrenhal · 07/10/2019 10:20

What an arse. Good for you OP, stay strong.

I hope Flipflop is OK, it can't be easy to see the responses.

PepsiLola · 07/10/2019 10:24

I would check his deleted emails to see what else you can find

mogloveseggs · 07/10/2019 10:25

Flowers op what a horrid thing to find