AIBU to kick his arse out first thing!

[Lazingonasunnyafternoon]

New account as I couldn’t figure out how to name change!
Not been married that long, had to log in to my not so DH’s email (not snooping I know the password and was checking an email about insurance which he knew I was doing at some point over this weekend) there was an email with the kind of title you don’t ignore, find out that he joined a hook up site a few days ago.
I’m strangely calm, there is no going back from this, it’s not something I imagined he would do but I suppose we never know anyone do we, our marriage is over. He doesn’t know I know at this point, he was asleep and I wanted to plan my next move, not wake him up and have a terrible argument in the middle of the night.
My AIBU is ....
Would throwing him out as soon as the kids have gone to school with a bag of clothes and nothing else be unreasonable?
What’s the etiquette for finding out a wanker has joined a hook up site (of course I logged in to it straight from his email), he has received messages but not sent any. Are you supposed to reasonably discuss the situation and let them have time to find somewhere else to live? Or am I being completely reasonable by at least giving him the opportunity to pack a bag?

Well done on your amazing courage and dignity. 💗

I was hoping against hope there was an innocent explanation.

In these kinds of situation, the obvious answer is usually the correct one.

Well done OP. He's not good enough for you. You are totally awesome, and deserve much better!

I'm so sorry OP but well done for making the right choice

Oh bugger. I'm so sorry.

I'm so impressed by how you've handled this. You're a strong, wise woman. But it's a horrible thing to happen, poor darling. Be gentle with yourself.

You know your DC best and I don't think you said how old they are. Perhaps don't tell them the grim details but do tell them enough that they appreciate you've been badly disappointed. I imagine they were excited about the wedding and this will shock them. You dealt with the immediate crisis brilliantly but it's bound to affect you for some time to come. No doubt you'll deal with this admirably too.

Defective marriage - annullment. It's certainly a possibility to stop any claims he might come up with.

OP, so sorry. Must be bloody awful for you.

I absolutely 100% agree with you. Save yourself years of wondering if he’s doing to the dirty on you, bin him! What a fool

OP I am so impressed by how calm and clear you have been about all this, please be kind to yourself and I hope your family and friends are rallying about taking care of you.

Sending OP. Also and .

So he denied it till he knew you had proof? Tells you everything you want to know about the guy. What a loser.

From what I've heard, it's very difficult to get a marriage annulled, but it might be worth looking into it.

Your best bet, is to get legal advice, so you know where you stand.

Ugh these men who sign up to hook up sites are so pathetic.
I've been reliably informed that the women on sites like fab swingers are mostly either prostitutes or bots and real women have millions of messages from desperate horny men and can take their pick. The chance of your average joe getting a free shag from a hook up site is absolutely minuscule. Not that this makes it any better - but it just demonstrates how pathetic and deluded men like your H are.

Such a horrid thing to happen to you OP, especially so soon after you married. Agree with PPs who said it's so much better to have found out now than later, a few years along - of course you might have been more damaged emotionally, but also he might then have had a claim on your £. Really hope you can get things moving ASAP re the divorce so at least you come away (relatively) unscathed financially. Like others I really admire your strength and determination. I hope you are doing ok. It's so much better to be alone than to be with the wrong guy....but of course you know that!

How are things now OP? How do you feel?