AIBU to kick his arse out first thing!

[Lazingonasunnyafternoon]

New account as I couldn’t figure out how to name change!
Not been married that long, had to log in to my not so DH’s email (not snooping I know the password and was checking an email about insurance which he knew I was doing at some point over this weekend) there was an email with the kind of title you don’t ignore, find out that he joined a hook up site a few days ago.
I’m strangely calm, there is no going back from this, it’s not something I imagined he would do but I suppose we never know anyone do we, our marriage is over. He doesn’t know I know at this point, he was asleep and I wanted to plan my next move, not wake him up and have a terrible argument in the middle of the night.
My AIBU is ....
Would throwing him out as soon as the kids have gone to school with a bag of clothes and nothing else be unreasonable?
What’s the etiquette for finding out a wanker has joined a hook up site (of course I logged in to it straight from his email), he has received messages but not sent any. Are you supposed to reasonably discuss the situation and let them have time to find somewhere else to live? Or am I being completely reasonable by at least giving him the opportunity to pack a bag?

surely you should give him the chance to explain? I know people who have signed up to these things when their relationships have been going through a rocky patch. They've never acted on it. Have you been having issues/fights?

Showing a friend how to make a profile I’ve heard it all now!
Glad the OP has got her head screwed on and already decided she’s not going to believe any withering excuses he tries to make when he’s confronted!

My husband was found on Tinder by work collegue many years ago. Turns out he was showing his mate how to create a profile on it and hadn't taken it down. There could be a logical explanation for it.

As if.

I agree that OP should give the husband a chance to put forward his side. Given that he’s just signed up to the site and is “liking” profiles, it would have to be one hell of an explanation.

I'm married and signed up to Tinder recently because I read Lewis Capaldi is on there and I wanted to see his bio and stuff 😂

My head just exploded. 🤯🤯🤯

Maybe OP’s husband signed up because he heard Ann Widdecombe was on the site, single and ready to mingle, and he just wanted to check out her profile for “research” purposes...

I think you're in shock (understandably) and that is why you are able to dissociate and think so clearly at the moment.

Please be aware that the enormity of his betrayal may hit you like a ton of bricks within a few weeks. Your survival instinct is keeping you calm at the moment, because it has to so that you can ope, but when you feel "safe" the chances are that your body and brain are going to go into "distraught" mode and you will weep and wonder whether you have done the right thing.

You have.

If you do find yourself in this state, there will be support here, or the Samaritans (if you don't want to share too much private stuff online).

Stay strong; protect yourself; protect your children.

Kick his lying arse.

Well it's the truth. 🤷‍♀️

I'm married and signed up to Tinder recently because I read Lewis Capaldi is on there and I wanted to see his bio and stuff

I pity the rule . . .

Peter Capaldi - just possibly . . .

Lewis Capaldi? < rolls eyes >

Still, we don't all like the same types, I suppose

@Frazzledbutcalm chill your tits, easy mistake to make.
Easy to forget who's posted what.

Oh yes, you're awfully superior to me. I bow down at your superiority 😂

Odd ball.

Good luck for that conversation op!

Just putting it out there OP - teens in the house and a technophobe hubby.....

Do they like him? Does it show the time of account creation so you can work back to the movements of your hubby and kids?

surely you should give him the chance to explain? I know people who have signed up to these things when their relationships have been going through a rocky patch. They've never acted on it. Have you been having issues/fights?

Why don’t you RTFT?

Good luck OP. I admire your clear headedness.

Odd ball

Why, cos she’d pick Peter over Lewis Capaldi in a war of the dating profiles?

Google tells me they’re related, btw.

Please put your coffee down and communicate! You are torturing yourself.

I may be way off but assume you've been shat upon from a great height in the past? Don't let that take away your powers of rational thought and jump to unfounded conclusions. Talk!

Can you tell how recently this account was set up? Only asking because I'm wondering if there's a chance he could've done it before you met and he's since forgotten about it? I've never signed up to a dating site but I regularly get emails from other websites I've joined that refuse to die however much I click 'unsubscribe'.

I would be so angry if DP opened such an email in my account and clicked on any link in it.

Fuck that.

I can't stand it when people try to misdirect blame like that.

a few days ago

Sorry OP, missed that bit.

Yeah, chuck him out.

I'd kick him out without even a bag of clothes!

@Lazingonasunnyafternoon - I will give him an opportunity to explain but in the face of such evidence I can’t imagine there is an innocent explanation.

Absolutely right. I'm in awe of your approach to this situation.
Sorry you're having to deal with this crap.
I'm glad you're in a situation where you can ask him to leave immediately.

Cut to next week where Flipflop's DH was NOT cheating, he was just showing his mate how to shag the local barmaid.

I really shouldn't be laughing, but I totally am.

Gosh good luck with th chat OP. Fist bump for your calmness - I’d be going nuts, which wouldn’t help anything.

Re the kids, please don’t tell them that level of detail. They are your children and they don’t need to know the details of your relationship breakdown in quite so much detail. Protect them from the intricate details. Use all that calmness in relation to them rather than the dickhead who tried to cheat on you.

It's looking like the OP and Flip flops are at the polar ends of the putting up with shit spectrum then!

A marriage of short duration is often looked at legally as barely having happened from a point of view of who gets what so you have to get your skates on. Wait until he is out and text him that you have seen his profile, you have an appointment with a divorce lawyer and changed the locks. I would also ask does he want his possessions in black bags or holdalls?

I know it's not legal to change the locks and exclude him but there is a fair to middlin chance he will think, 'Fair cop' and come and get his stuff from the garden and bugger off. You can then divorce him with minimal drama other than having to get keys cut for the DC.

Jesus wept there's some gullible people on this thread.

Good luck OP. You sound like a strong woman and IMO you're doing 100% the right thing.

Just to point out, if DH had checked my email last week he would have seen that 'I' had joined match.com and was getting lots of notifications of messages from strange men.
Now, 'I' had not done this. Someone had used my email address to create a profile. I was able to log into the account, direct from one of the emails and could see all my 'matches'.
I think maybe if he's not replied to any messages, and knew you were to be checking his email, it's at least a possibility someone has happily used his email address on his behalf?