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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is sleeping with 4 people in a month a bit much?

450 replies

holdtheladdersteady · 06/10/2019 20:45

Am I just an old prude?

Is sleeping with 4 different people in a month a bit...I don’t know...grim?

I just found this out about someone and it makes me feel a bit sick. AIBU?

OP posts:
UnoriginalUserName948 · 06/10/2019 21:34

OP, the issue you should be most concerned with is that He shagged three other people while he was still with his girlfriend not how many people he slept with in a month.

Witchinaditch · 06/10/2019 21:35

Oh ignore my comment he was cheating on you? That’s horrible sorry! It thought you meant just in general. Sorry again

InsertFunnyUsername · 06/10/2019 21:35

In the situation you described, no.

But a single person with no ties to anyone and is not cheating, then I think it's fine.

PawPawNoodle · 06/10/2019 21:35

I've slept with 2 people in the same 24 hour period. Hope that makes you vomit!

InsertFunnyUsername · 06/10/2019 21:37

Doh I meant In the situation you described, no I wouldn't think it's fine.

Derbee · 06/10/2019 21:37

Each to their own, but i wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who slept with 4 people in a month. I also wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who was seeing me behind his girlfriends back for 2 months. I’d get rid, because I would judge him negatively for both of those things.

doublebarrellednurse · 06/10/2019 21:37

Frankly as long as everyone consents, is of an adult age and uses appropriate protection I really don't see the problem.

Sleep with no one or everyone. How you view sex may be different to how others view sex. Much like chocolate Cadbury vs Galaxy. No one loses if they like one or the other.

Pinkbonbon · 06/10/2019 21:37

I could actually understand say... a drunken holiday or something where 2 or 3 people might occur over a short space of time. As like, a very rare thing. But yeah I agree 4 in a month is a bit gross, especially if it was a common thing.

Crazycatperson · 06/10/2019 21:38

He cheated on his ex with you for 2 months. That's the thing I'd be most worried about!! He is a twat. Get out while you can. Your gut instinct is screaming at you. Listen to it.

TatianaLarina · 06/10/2019 21:38

One of the ones before me was his exGF, although he didn’t actually finish with her until he’d been seeing me for 2 months (I didn’t know she existed). One before me was a one night stand. Then there was me. Then there was another one night stand. Then there was me again for 18 months before I found all this out.

So he was essentially two-timing on you for the first 2 months. Did the gf know about you? Was the second ons before or after you were official?

TatianaLarina · 06/10/2019 21:40

He cheated on his ex with you for 2 months. That's the thing I'd be most worried about!! He is a twat. Get out while you can. Your gut instinct is screaming at you. Listen to it.

Yup.

Original poster
holdtheladdersteady · 06/10/2019 21:41

I have no idea at what point we became official. For all I know, 18 months in and we still might not be. I didn’t know it was a thing (prior to him I was married for 15 years so dating etiquette has changed in that time and I have no idea about exclusivity discussions). We certainly never had one. As I said previously, lesson learned

OP posts:
angell84 · 06/10/2019 21:42

Phew! Some of the women on here.

"I slept with three men on one weekend
"I slept with three men in five days."

Who does things like that?

june2007 · 06/10/2019 21:43

Think I'd want a visit to the gum clinic.

Original poster
holdtheladdersteady · 06/10/2019 21:43

Yes, the bigger issue is of course that he slept with 3 other people (more, actually, but some of them were a while before me) whilst he was with his exGF. I’ve had all the promises of “I’ve changed, I’m not that person any more”. Etc. ExH was a compulsive liar, and this one doesn’t seem any better

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 06/10/2019 21:44

...you mean you are 18 months in and he still hasn't said to you 'hey, you're my gf, so I'll no longer be sleeping with anyone else'. He's got you right round his little finger then hasn't he!

timshelthechoice · 06/10/2019 21:44

Who does things like that?

Um, people, not just women. Hmm

Original poster
holdtheladdersteady · 06/10/2019 21:45

@Pinkbonbon I honestly had no idea that’s what people do these days!!!

OP posts:
angell84 · 06/10/2019 21:46

@timshelthechoice I have never met a woman in real life , who has had sex with three men in one weekend

ToEarlyForDecorations · 06/10/2019 21:46

*Phew! Some of the women on here.

"I slept with three men on one weekend
"I slept with three men in five days."

Who does things like that?*

No one you've met, obviously. Now get you hand out of your groin.

MaeveDidIt · 06/10/2019 21:47

YANBU
It would make me wonder how many hundreds of women has he slept with.

Pinkbonbon · 06/10/2019 21:47

You had no idea you were supposed to be able to call someone your boyfriend after dating them for 18 months? And that that meant they couldn't sleep with other people? ...really? xD

InsertFunnyUsername · 06/10/2019 21:48

Yes I would want to get myself checked out too. I'm all for safe sex but he doesn't seem to be. Sorry OP that part is grim.

Are posters shocked that people enjoy sex? And obviously when you're single its the best time to do just that. Keep yourself safe and find willing partners and enjoy yourself I say 🤷‍♀️

ToEarlyForDecorations · 06/10/2019 21:49

angel84l

You have, she just didn't mention it. Women don't brag about sex like men do.

Men exaggerate their sexual experience. Women minimise it. Patriarchal society and all that.

Greyponcho · 06/10/2019 21:49

I think I’m worried by the number of posters who seem to think that using protection gives complete protection...
I’d get yourself to a sexual health clinic OP.
or am I just a square for going to get tested and wait for a period after each sexual partner?