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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is sleeping with 4 people in a month a bit much?

450 replies

holdtheladdersteady · 06/10/2019 20:45

Am I just an old prude?

Is sleeping with 4 different people in a month a bit...I don’t know...grim?

I just found this out about someone and it makes me feel a bit sick. AIBU?

OP posts:
WhoKnewBeefStew · 06/10/2019 20:52

I think as long as said person is single, and using adequate protection l, then it's fine and no one else's business

AllFourOfThem · 06/10/2019 20:52

Did you mean your partner online?

I really dislike the word grim used in this context but I can see how it doesn’t make you feel that you were special or important. Was he dating all of you at once or were you one night stands?

Grannybags · 06/10/2019 20:52

How long have you and your partner been together? Are you saying he cheated on you with 3 other people or was this when you first got together?

Original poster
holdtheladdersteady · 06/10/2019 20:52

It was in the first month we got together.

OP posts:
riotlady · 06/10/2019 20:53

Are you in an open relationship?

MonChatEstMagnifique · 06/10/2019 20:53

No. It’s my partner. And I was one of those people he slept with

Well if you were meant to be 'exclusive', then he's a bastard. If not, then it's not wrong, people can do what they like. Either way, you choose to be with someone who does that is your choice.

WickedLemon · 06/10/2019 20:53

Did you think you were in an exclusive relationship?

palahvah · 06/10/2019 20:53

If it's all consensual and noone is being misled about exclusivity then what's the problem?

If you were in an exclusive relationship with someone and he's cheated on you with 3 other people in the space of the month then yes, of course, it's grim.

mindutopia · 06/10/2019 20:54

As long as he was single at the time, it’s fine. Then again it’s a small miracle when my dh and I can coordinate in order to have sex once a month so....

NooneToldMeItWasRaining · 06/10/2019 20:54

It would upset me too OP. My husband and I were besotted with each other when we first met. I would be mightly upset if I discovered he was fucking other people when we were texting sweet nothings!

Has much time passed since then and is all else good?

SunshineCake · 06/10/2019 20:55

He's not your partner after a month Hmm.

riotlady · 06/10/2019 20:55

Yeah if you’re not exclusive that’s fine? Just because it’s not your cup of tea doesn’t mean it’s “grim”

MonChatEstMagnifique · 06/10/2019 20:55

That should say

Either way, whether you want to be with someone who does that is your choice.

Kaddm · 06/10/2019 20:55

I wouldn’t share a drink with 4 people in a month. Think it’s gross. So, similar reasoning with the shagging. I wouldn’t like it.

Polydactyly · 06/10/2019 20:55

Were you in an exclusive relationship at the time? Or did you at least think you were?

WorraLiberty · 06/10/2019 20:55

If he was single and practicing safe sex, no problem.

Some people just really love sex with a variety of people. Problems only occur when lies are told.

Neolara · 06/10/2019 20:56

Op I'm with you. If I found out I was one of four people my new partner had slept with that month, I would be pretty unimpressed. It would make me feel like he wasnt particularly discerning and that he was unlikely to think of me as particularly special.

huskyvoice · 06/10/2019 20:56

What's with all of the 'grim' judgements on other people's sex lives today? Have I missed an mn movement

If unprotected, non-consensual or with any element of deceit to any concerned parties then I may consider this situation grim. Otherwise no. Sex with consenting adults isn't grim, even when one of said adult's children is mid-diarrhoea episode.

PooWillyBumBum · 06/10/2019 20:56

Don’t see why it would make you feel sick. It’s more than most people in one month but it wouldn’t bother me if we weren’t exclusive. DH had only slept with one other girl before me ever though!! I was sleeping with two friends when I met him, he wasn’t bothered. As soon as we were exclusive it was him and only him.

Jollitwiglet · 06/10/2019 20:58

I'm of the opinion that as long as you're having safe sex, it's all consensual and you're not in an exclusive relationship, shag as many people you like

Sceptre86 · 06/10/2019 20:58

I think it's grim too but to each their own!

jmscp · 06/10/2019 21:00

It's not fine. Envy not envy.

Bluntness100 · 06/10/2019 21:01

So you weren't in a relationship then? Is there a time limit between partners that you think there should be? Like if you pull one week, you have to wait a month or something before you shag someone else?

LellyMcKelly · 06/10/2019 21:01

If your partner was shagging around while they were supposed to be in a relationship with you then that’s grim. If they were single then they can shag whoever they want, as many times as they want, as long as it’s consensual. I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.

changednameforthis123 · 06/10/2019 21:02

How do you know this?Did your partner tell you?If so,why did he tell you?He obviously chose you and the others were just one night stands.

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