Is sleeping with 4 people in a month a bit much?

[holdtheladdersteady]

Am I just an old prude?

Is sleeping with 4 different people in a month a bit...I don’t know...grim?

I just found this out about someone and it makes me feel a bit sick. AIBU?

That side of relationship sex exists too. It's about weighing up the possible downsides to the gain. For you. Like everything in life.

@Benes

Don't assume everyone who engages in casual sex has low morals or is disease ridden

When did I say this 'fact' or say that I believe it? And why does your opinion matter but mine doesn't?

I said that if everyone was honest then IT'S NOT A PROBLEM IF PEOPLE WANT TO FUCK AROUND.
You may be honest, and I know I've been honest, but I've come across a huge amount who aren't.

Maybe read what I've actually written instead of assuming I'm totally against your very important point of view that totally outweighs mine because you're so special

@angell84 there are plenty rapes that happen within relationships too, not just from tinder.

And as for ‘taking on someone’s energy’, really, that to me is just bollocks. Utter bollocks. If you want to believe it, fair enough, but don’t think you can apply it to everyone or that everyone gives the concept any credence.

'Spirituality' is irrelevant bollocks to many people, though. And, for those who take that sort of nonsense seriously, there are some who think that having sex with loads and loads of different people is also 'spiritual', so it's really just another way of talking about personal preferences.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who found sleeping with 4 partners in a month acceptable but others wouldn't bat an eyelid. Horses for courses.

doormat You sound pretty angry because I happen to offer an alternative viewpoint.

I've never claimed to be special. You offered your experiences and opinions and I offered mine. I felt yours we're judgemental so I called you on it.

That's how this works!!

There was a report released this week- to back up my point about the danger of casual sex.

"Australian police warned women about using Tinder, as the amount of rapes resulting from using the app have skyrocketed.

I in 5 sexual assaults in Australia last year, resulted from using the Tinder app"

That's a warning about Tinder - it's not specifically warning against casual sex.

Don't assume everyone who engages in casual sex has low morals or is disease ridden

That’s an interesting angle. What are low morals, in your view? (that’s a general question, not to anyone specific).

Things which attract pretty much universal condemnation on mumsnet are harming children, domestic abuse and cheating when married or in an exclusive partnership. Most posters seem to be willing to agree that these things are “wrong”, no-one gets called judgemental for saying that DA is ‘wrong’, for example, although I’ve occasionally seen posters arguing that infidelity is fine so long as it’s known and agreed by the partner, i.e. an open relationship.

However, responses in this thread suggest that if I were to say that I believe open relationships are wrong, or casual sex is wrong, rather than just being ‘not for me’, then people will tell me I’m judgemental.

Can anyone explain why the difference? Or am I wrong (ha!) in my belief that you don’t get called judgemental for saying my first examples are ‘wrong’

That's a very philosophical question puzzled! and one i'm sure can be debated at length!

I can'y speak for others but for me 'low morals' would involve illegal activity or hurting someone. In all of your first examples someone is getting hurt - either physically or through deception. People die because of DA so obviously that is universally sees as morally wrong.

With regards to your second list - it's all in the language. Saying something is wrong is projecting a moral judgement on an activity. Saying 'it's not for me' isn't judgmental in my opinion as you aren't saying people who engage in that activity are wrong. You're just saying it doesn't interest you. Which of course is absolutely fine!

My casual hook ups, flings and ONSs have all been people I met in person first, not online, not all men, either, though the internet was there at the time and people were using it to hook up.

angel, I really don't buy all that spiritual energy exchange, sorry, I'm with SGB and think you could benefit from some therapy.

@benes yes it is a specific warning about Tinder.

But still I think, that getting into bed with any stranger - is a dangerous activity.

If you feel happy and safe - that is good.
We are all different. But for me - the risks outweight the good

@timshelthechoice I don't really want therapy.

Why should I get therapy, because men have hurt me.

What does make sense to me - is simply removing myself from as many risky situations as possible.

What annoys me - is the last one night stand that I had - I didn't even really want it. I got talked into it. As I said, I was in Spain , and I was with a woman who was having sex with different people every week. She called me a prude. I ended up having a ons , and as I said, the guy hit me.

What this really taught me , is to go with my own gut instinct, not what other women are telling me.

There have been alot of women on this thread who have said , that having lots of sx with different people - is what every eoman should be doing - and if you don't you are a prude.

I think that every woman should listen to their own instincts

But as previous posters have mentioned not all casual encounters are with strangers......

Yes of course having sex with strangers poses some risks and i don't think anyone would disagree but lots of people have explained how they mitigate those risks.

Don't assume everyone who engages in casual sex is jumping into bed with complete strangers. Also, as a previous poster said not all of them are with men! More than half of my casual encounters have been with women.

I didn't even really want it. I got talked into it

That right there is why you might benefit from therapy. Noone would ever talk me into that.

And I don't think anyone on the thread has said all women should be having sex with lots of people. Everyone is saying it's their own choice. As it is your choice not to.

Laughing my arse all the way to bed at the people who think they've never met a woman who likes getting fucked by different men.

@Benes Saying something is wrong is projecting a moral judgement on an activity

Yes, you are homing in on my question. Are moral judgements not permitted these days? They seem to be accepted without comment in situations when everybody contributing has the same view. No-one ever got slated for saying paedophiles are evil, which is a moral judgement.

You mentioned things which result in people being hurt as being immoral (and I would agree) - but what you’ve actually done there is define the difference between right and wrong as ‘people getting hurt’.

People get hurt when someone they love tells them they don’t love them any more - but that’s not immoral, is it? So there must be more to it than simply whether people get hurt or not.

I have half a memory that the word moral is related to mores, which is about ‘that which is generally accepted or believed’. Mores change over time..... and therefore, so do morals.

If morals change over time, then everything is relative, including which judgements will be considered judgemental by others.

Lack of self respect and lack of dignity

I've have got rid as well OP xx

puzzled this is just my opinion and the way I choose to live my life.

I try to avoid passing moral judgement on people. My moral compass is based on the treatment of others.....don't lie, cheat or deliberately hurt others.
Passing a moral judgement on someone because they choose to engage in casual sex is unfair -IMO

Telling someone you no longer love them may hurt and upset people but you can do that in a kind and compassionate way or you can deliberately choose to treat someone unkindly.

Due to events in my past, I know only too well that life is short. So, I do what makes me happy providing it doesn't involve lying, cheating or hurting others. I don't judge others for doing the same.

@Benes yes and I found yours judgemental about me too so I called you on it.
I accepted your opinion yet you invented a new one for me that I never actually said.

doormat please explain how I was being judgemental by asking people not to be judgemental???

It sounds like a lot now im a proper grown up (in 30s, married, mortgage etc). In my early 20s and uni days in particular it wouldn't have been my style but I wouldn't find it too strange if it was someone else, thats just what some people were like

@Benes you were judgemental about me in your comment. Just as you said I was being judgemental about you - which I wasn't because i said it's fine to fuck whoever you want if it's honest and safe.
You said I was saying everyone who does it is diseased which I didn't at all.

Also, please learn to @ as people don't get notified you've replied if you just stick someone's name in a comment.

@Benes you were judgemental about me in your comment. Just as you said I was being judgemental about you - which I wasn't because i said it's fine to fuck whoever you want if it's honest and safe.
You said I was saying everyone who does it is diseased which I didn't at all.

You did call it disgusting in an earlier post before you backtracked a bit but hey....if you don't think you're judgmental then that's fine! I really can't be arsed going around in circles.

Unfortunately words written down without intonation can come across differently to how they were intended. Just as you also come across as a bit angry and patronising but maybe that's your intention?!

Not everyone likes being @'d at and not everyone has notifications so there is no need to speak to me like a child. ( that's where you came across as very fucking patronising)