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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is sleeping with 4 people in a month a bit much?

450 replies

holdtheladdersteady · 06/10/2019 20:45

Am I just an old prude?

Is sleeping with 4 different people in a month a bit...I don’t know...grim?

I just found this out about someone and it makes me feel a bit sick. AIBU?

OP posts:
timshelthechoice · 06/10/2019 21:49

I have never met a woman in real life , who has had sex with three men in one weekend

Well, there are over 3bn women on the planet, so obviously you haven't met all of them and I personally haven't met many women in real life who share intimate details of their sex lives with all and sundry but hey, they're all sluts Hmm.

Last I checked, I'm a real woman in real life. I was single, young, pretty, liked to have sex. Meh.

Greggers2017 · 06/10/2019 21:49

I did a season in Majorca when I was 18, working in a bar. 4 in a month is nothing, you can guess the rest 🙈

Original poster
holdtheladdersteady · 06/10/2019 21:51

@Pinkbonbon how exactly does that conversation go? Seriously, I’m so old School it wouldn’t have even occurred to me to date more than one person at once. I’m very rapidly understanding that not how it works now, but I went on a few dates with a few people, but one at a time with no overlapping. But that’s just me. And clearly that’s why this has upset me so much. Because I had assumed that other people were like me too. Apparently not.

OP posts:
LizzieMacQueen · 06/10/2019 21:52

It always put me off the musical/film Mamma Mia, the premise that she'd slept with 3 different men in the same month. But then I am a prude.... no difference here, I wouldn't like it.

(BTW I cannot see voting buttons)

Pinkbonbon · 06/10/2019 21:52

Majorca you say?
*picks up a holiday brochure.

Dinoctoblock · 06/10/2019 21:52

I don’t think 4 people in one month is that bad at all. And I say that as someone who has only slept with 4 people in my whole life.

What is extremely grim is starting a relationship with someone else while still being in a relationship. I was, without knowing it at the time, the other woman to one of the 4 guys I’ve slept with. I did not stick around when I found out he had a longer term partner. More fool me for not being more suspicious and realising sooner - there were signs to which I had been totally oblivious.

Shagging a couple of other randoms too just makes it a bit seedier.

I would be very wary that your partner is still shagging around OP. The guy who did this to me, when finally confronted and told it was over, accepted his fate and sadly told me it was probably for the best, as he’d only end up cheating on me too. But not to worry, he’d be really jealous if he saw me with someone else. Hmm Confused Angry

SchadenfreudePersonified · 06/10/2019 21:55

I'm a bit prudish about things like this myself - because i think that sex should be part of a loving (or at least affectionate) relationship, and 4/month doesn't give time to establish that with someone.

But I suppose each to his own.

Slappadabass · 06/10/2019 21:58

He may well have changed, Before I met my now OH I was sleeping around, I was single and having fun, it was exciting and I enjoyed it. My OH was a one night stand too, but there was just something different with him, I knew very quickly that he was the one for me, I've never cheated on him or ever wanted to and we have been together 4 years now.
I think you need to have a proper talk about your relationship with your OH, when it became official for him, that there's to be no one else etc. I'd also get a STI test.

Pinkbonbon · 06/10/2019 21:58

Well ideally you get say...two or three months into dating (varies but i wouldnt give it loner than 3...) and then there's something along the lines of 'so are we exclusive then?' 'Absolutely' 'Great' 'Swell' xD Even better if they tell you that's what they want before you have to ask.

In a perfect world lol.

And if they hmm and ha when you ask them, you know that actually they are just fannying you around and you drop them like a hot poker. If you've any sense.

NobdieTheNob · 06/10/2019 22:01

He's a slapper. I wouldn't go anywhere near him for fear of catching something.

Though all this 'exclusive' shite makes me feel sick, too. It's all so Facebook.

Walnutwhipster · 06/10/2019 22:02

I'd be more concerned that he cheated with three women (you included) behind his girlfriend's back. That's not a great indicator of loyalty.

AnxietyDream · 06/10/2019 22:04

Sleeping with 4 people in a month = fine.

Your partner = grim as fuck.

rainingallday · 06/10/2019 22:05

@angell84

I have never met a woman in real life , who has had sex with three men in one weekend.

Do you seriously think any woman you meet, (who fucks 2 or 3 men in one weekend,) is going to tell YOU about it ??? Confused Some women do this, AND men too......... Some people just like fucking.

Many women will not go around telling random people (or even their friends and colleagues and family) about all the men they fuck, in case they judge them and think they're trashy and slutty... You know, like YOU do. Hmm

Most women you know, probably know what you're like, so they don't tell you, coz they know you are snide and judgemental.

Always makes me laugh how someone says 'NO-ONE I KNOW DOES THIS, THEREFORE THAT MEANS NO-ONE IN THE WORLD DOES IT - EVER! END OF!'

So narrow minded and pathetic.

Anxietyandwine · 06/10/2019 22:07

Consenting adults = YABU

sammylady37 · 06/10/2019 22:09

@angell84
I’m the woman who said she’d had sex with 3 men in 5 days recently. You asked ‘who does that?’ so I’ll tell you a bit about myself. I’m 40, single, no kids, am a medical consultant so have a busy and responsible job, have elderly parents with significant illness and care needs, and I happen to love sex. The men I have sex with are all friends of mine, who I’ve known for quite some time. One is an ex-colleague, one I met through a shared kink and the third I met through another mutual friend. They all know that we’re not exclusive, and I know they’re having sex with others. We have incredible fun, and it’s safe and consensual. What’s the issue?

PuzzledObserver · 06/10/2019 22:09

sex four times with one person, no problem. Sex with four or more ? different partners is something to be judged. Why ?

Is that a serious question? Can people really not understand why having sex with lots of different people in a short space of time is a problem?

I despair.

rainingallday · 06/10/2019 22:11

@PuzzledObserver

Can people really not understand why having sex with lots of different people in a short space of time is a problem?

Why?

rainingallday · 06/10/2019 22:12

@sammylady37

Don't justify yourself to the pious and judgy nobodies on here.

Live and let live.

Ginger1982 · 06/10/2019 22:13

@SchadenfreudePersonified

I agree, but as you say, each to their own.

AnxietyDream · 06/10/2019 22:14

Actually, reading the op's updates, I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that she's pretty grim too, as on finding out she's been unwittingly with a man with a girlfriend for two months she's blathering on about 'dating etiquette' and wringing her hands over numbers instead of kicking the creep to the curb for being a cheating arsehole.

Mother87 · 06/10/2019 22:14

Having read some pp's - i regret some of the people I HAVEN'T slept with rather than the one's I did... Days of fun and frolics are so far behind me nowConfusedConfusedConfused

Original poster
holdtheladdersteady · 06/10/2019 22:17

@sammylady37

I think the key in your post was They all know that we’re not exclusive, and I know they’re having sex with others

If everything is in the open, nobody thinks there is any exclusivity, and everything is consensual- Happy days.

The first one night stand presumably didn’t know he had a GF. The GF didn’t know about any of the others. I didn’t know about the GF, or the second one night stand. And the second one night stand knew about the GF, but not about me.

What a bloody mess.

OP posts:
Wereeaglesdare · 06/10/2019 22:17

Some of the people on this thread are dirty bastards. Bragging about having two people in one night and four people in a weekend. Learn a little self respect people man or fucking woman or alien it's just dirty and nasty and OP I wouldn't be touching him with a fucking barge pole again. Just cos u can eat the cake do you eat the whole fucking thing all the time. I think not.
I think there's something to be said about getting to know one person at a time I'm not a prude either. Isn't it sad we live in a time where grown ass adults have to ask each other out like primary children for fear there may be something going on behind the scenes. Which could all be excused because hey you didn't check you were exclusive. What a shit time we live in. When did we become so fucking entitled to fuck the neighbourhood and put only ourselves first who cares who we fucked even if you didn't catch their name all that matters is you and your great time never thinking they could have an STD or be someone's spouse. Did u cum then good for fucking you.
Dump his ass OP you just gunna be waiting for the day he lines his next girl up and puts his needs before yours.
I'm not saying live like virgins but when your so proud of yourself because u slept with five people in a week u need to re think some shit.

honeylulu · 06/10/2019 22:18

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Ilovemypantry · 06/10/2019 22:19

@sammylady37
Was this in connection with your line of work by any chance?🤔

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