Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is sleeping with 4 people in a month a bit much?

450 replies

holdtheladdersteady · 06/10/2019 20:45

Am I just an old prude?

Is sleeping with 4 different people in a month a bit...I don’t know...grim?

I just found this out about someone and it makes me feel a bit sick. AIBU?

OP posts:
Rachelover60 · 06/10/2019 21:18

He has been exclusive for eighteen months. People do change. The op may be the love of his life.

NurseButtercup · 06/10/2019 21:18

One of the ones before me was his exGF, although he didn’t actually finish with her until he’d been seeing me for 2 months (I didn’t know she existed)

So if I'm reading this correctly, you didn't become "exclusive" or "official" until the two month point?

I actually think this is quite normal behaviour. Usually men/women don't confess to sleeping with other people prior to becoming "official" in order to spare your feelings. I understand why you are upset - but I do think yabu.

rainingallday · 06/10/2019 21:19

I can't be arsed to vote and construct a response, as the question in the opening post, is completely different from the bloody update/dripfeed.

@holdtheladdersteady

Why not just put all the info in the opening post FFS?

UnoriginalUserName948 · 06/10/2019 21:19

He has been exclusive for eighteen months. People do change. The op may be the love of his life.
He says he has been exclusive. I guess it boils down to how much the OP trusts him. In my own experience, a cheat will remain a cheat. I suppose there is a slim chance of change- only OP will know how she feels about that.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/10/2019 21:20

He slept with just 4 a month. I’ve done better than that in an hour. Wink
Just kidding or rather wishing. Grin

UnoriginalUserName948 · 06/10/2019 21:21

So if I'm reading this correctly, you didn't become "exclusive" or "official" until the two month point?
But the issue is he was (I assume*) exclusive with someone else at that point?
*of course the gf might have been fine with it, or he may have split up with her but still be shagging her- it happens- who knows?

clickymad · 06/10/2019 21:23

Not grim at all really. The fact that he was sleeping around when he had a girlfriend is grim as fuck though.

SherbetSaucer · 06/10/2019 21:23

No, there is nothing wrong with having sex with whoever, whenever if you’re single! I don’t know why there is such a stigma attached to it.

Naillig222 · 06/10/2019 21:23

Yes. Sleeping with four people in a month is a bit much WHEN YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. I think you're focusing on the wrong thing here.

clickymad · 06/10/2019 21:24

I had sex with 8 people in a month many moons ago. Ahhhhh good times.

NurseButtercup · 06/10/2019 21:25

But the issue is he was (I assume*) exclusive with someone else at that point?

I bet if challenged upon his exclusivity status for those two months, he will probably say the relationship status had shifted to "it's complicated" aka looking for someone new.

Penelopeschat · 06/10/2019 21:25

If you’ve only just started dating in last month I’m not sure he’s your partner OP. More someone you are seeing and obviously perhaps not fully exclusive, or at least need some boundaries.
I’d also want to check for STI’s as you should in any new relationship.

ilovetofu · 06/10/2019 21:26

Did you meet him online op?

Bythebeach · 06/10/2019 21:26

A bit much for what? Confused
Unless cheating, it’s not wrong. I might be concerned if someone with low self-esteem did this in some emotionally dangerous bid for validation. Otherwise, can’t see a problem with it.

Blueoasis · 06/10/2019 21:26

That's grim only because he had a girlfriend, it at the least was still sleeping with his ex girlfriend while shagging other women and you. He clearly can't keep it in his trousers for long no matter what his relationship status is, I wouldn't trust him.

Pinkbonbon · 06/10/2019 21:27

So basically, when he starts to get bored with you he'll probably start screwing around...and then sort him self out a new gf and lie to you for months before he breaks up with you. Like he did the last time. Surely that's the real issue.

AnyFucker · 06/10/2019 21:27

I might be a bit tired but I am not following

What was the question again and can you be a bit clearer about the context ?

Witchinaditch · 06/10/2019 21:28

Get a grip- who cares

timshelthechoice · 06/10/2019 21:30

LOL, I shagged 3 men in a week once, but I didn't sleep with 1 of them, then I was shagging 3 men on the go.

I didn't find it grim, it was fun. Everyone was single and used protection.

RueCambon · 06/10/2019 21:30

I yhink it'd turn me off a potential partner. Hardly makes you feel special. So no, in the circumstances you describe, it is not right.

Original poster
holdtheladdersteady · 06/10/2019 21:30

So, I guess I am a bit of an old prude. And given that context is important, I guess he is also a bit of a knob.

To me, 4 people in a month sounds a lot. But that’s because I’ve not had sex with a lot of people in my entire life. It just doesn’t sit right with me. That’s not being judgemental, it’s just my preference (or not, as the case may be)

OP posts:
RueCambon · 06/10/2019 21:31

Not right for the new relationship you want i mean

PepePig · 06/10/2019 21:32

IMO the main thing is making sure the sex was safe and he's tested himself.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 06/10/2019 21:32

Unattached people who choose to take their pleasure where they find it: fine.

If someone I was dating did this it would tell me they were not particularly choosy about where they found it. And this would give me no reason to believe I was any different in their eyes from the others. Were this a no-strings fling again, fine. As a potential partner? Not fine. I'd say thanks for the fun and walk away.

FlamingNeedle · 06/10/2019 21:34

That wouldn’t have been unusual for me when I was dating. I like men, I was living in a great city with a good social life and I enjoyed myself thoroughly. Treated badly by a few dickheads but that’s life, I’m sure some of my exes think that about me.

All changed when I met now-DH. From the night we met I didn’t want to see anyone else and didn’t.

Don’t regret any of it. It was an exciting time and I was young and lovely and enjoyed it.