Page 14 | Is sleeping with 4 people in a month a bit much?

holdtheladdersteady · 2019-10-06T19:45:51+00:00

Am I just an old prude? Is sleeping with 4 different people in a month a bit...I don’t know...grim? I just found this out about someone and it makes me feel a bit sick. AIBU?

PuzzledObserver · 07/10/2019 09:28

Not all of us see sex as this sacred, almost mystical thing to be done only within the confines of a loving committed relationship.

I do, though. Which is why I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who had sex with four women in a month, and if I wasn’t in a relationship with him, I wouldn’t be having sex with him either.

Like a couple of recent PP’s, I grew up when you were either going out with someone or you weren’t. I do hope my husband outlives me so I never feel the need to enter the dating scene.

GreytExpectations · 07/10/2019 09:30

I do, though. Which is why I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who had sex with four women in a month, and if I wasn’t in a relationship with him, I wouldn’t be having sex with him either.

What a sad and judgmental attitude you have. I hope if you have children you don't pass down that outdated view. Nobody should feel ashamed of enjoying sex as long as its done safely and not hurting anyone.

CheeseChipsMayo · 07/10/2019 09:31

Whattt!!! Why not? As long as its safe sex..personally regret not putting it about more when i was young&hot(ter)😂

Butchyrestingface · 07/10/2019 09:36

What a sad and judgmental attitude you have. I hope if you have children you don't pass down that outdated view. Nobody should feel ashamed of enjoying sex as long as its done safely and not hurting anyone.

I don’t agree with the PP but I don’t see why it’s remotely sad or judgemental for her to view sex as sacred and want to be in a relationship with someone who shares that view.

BarbariansMum · 07/10/2019 09:39

People can do what they like with their bodies, as long it is allowed by law. Doesnt mean other people can't have an opinion about it. Personally I wouldnt dream of having a relationship with someone who shagged around - our ideas about sex and relationships would be totally incompatible.

NooneToldMeItWasRaining · 07/10/2019 09:41

Puzzled it's nice to see some people still share those values. Though if real life experiences are anything to go by, I would say we are in the majority. I don't know anyone that is so casual about sexual relationships as the majority posting here. A few people I knew did sleep around in their teens and early 20s, but even then I thought it was pretty tacky.

I guess I just have to really fancy someone and find them funny and interesting to want to shag them. If I feel like that about them, I will want to be in a relationship with them. Apparently this makes me a 'disney princess' according to a pp

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 07/10/2019 09:44

I don’t see why it’s remotely sad or judgemental for [the PP] to view sex as sacred and want to be in a relationship with someone who shares that view

Me neither. I think it's sad and judgemental to criticise her for holding that view. Each to their own.

Benes · 07/10/2019 09:46

People who say they wouldn't have a relationship with people who have 'slept around' ( hate that phrase!) are you making assumptions that they will continue 'sleep around' when they are in a relationship? Cos that's not true.

I'm married and have never,ever cheated on a partner, i'm incredibly loyal and would never dream of hurting someone that way.
However, when I've been single I've enjoyed exploring my sexuality and have had multiple partners...that doesn't make me a poor wife. It literally has no bearing on my character. Thankfully my DH isn't as judgmental as some people on here.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 07/10/2019 09:46

Funny how it is ok to be judgemental about the posters who don’t think it is ok to sleep around to the extent that some have claimed on this thread. Being told they need a good seeing to, a good shag or repressed etc
But it is not ok the other way round.

I don’t personally care what someone else is doing as long as it has no effect on my life but in the case of the op he is a cheating scum bag and if she is still with him she needs to change that pronto.

There is nothing special about someone who chooses many sex partners after all there are plenty of men and women on old and in clubs just looking for sex. You don’t have to be some sex goddess to get a random shag as most men aren’t that picky when they have their beer goggles on and visa versa.

GreytExpectations · 07/10/2019 09:55

I find the mindset of that poster saying someone having 4 sexual partners in a month as someone to stay away from what is sad and judgmental and also that she seems to think multiple sexual partners is a "modern" thing is wrong- plenty of people had sex with different people "back in the day" they just weren't as vocal about it.
To think (hypothetically) someone would judge a man or woman for having safe, consensual and non hurtful sex when they were young to the extent of not even considering a relationship with them is very judgmental. If that 4 women in 1 month happened over 10 years ago why does it matter- do some of those poster think they would be mor likely to cheat? Because if show than that is wrong and very, very presumptuous.

Of course judging anyone's life choices is wrong and maybe my post came across like that but i'm afraid there is far more judgment and shaming from those who view sex as sacred and only to be had in a relationship than from the ones who are happy with multiple partners while single. The slut shaming and the over reactions of "gross, grim ect" are sad to see on this thread. I don't think any of the women who have judged other women for enjoying sex with multiple partners can call themselves a feminist.

UnoriginalUserName948 · 07/10/2019 09:59

If you have daughters what will your advice be to them when they get older and navigate the world of dating?

I would tell my daughters (and sons, for that matter), starting well before this stage, that their bodies belong to them, they don't have to do anything they don't want to, to use protection and make sure you both consent. Otherwise, it's not my business. I would hope I would give them the tools to make their own sensible decisions, but they don't have to share my values.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 07/10/2019 10:15

I don't think any of the women who have judged other women for enjoying sex with multiple partners can call themselves a feminist.

I know it's early but this may well be the daftest post of the day.

Sleeping around doesn't make you a feminist!

PuzzledObserver · 07/10/2019 10:20

Re my not wanting someone who has had multiple partners in a short period as my partner: the point is moot, because I am married.

In case you are interested, though, this is my reasoning: I want to share my life with someone who shares my values, and attitude towards sex is a pretty important one for me. So it makes sense that I would want a partner who has similar values on that score.

When I said I wouldn’t want such a person as my partner, I was referring to his recent behaviour, not ancient history. My own sexual history is not entirely squeaky clean, although it sounds pretty tame compared to the experience of some. I slept with a couple of men I didn’t love when I was in my teens - one was my boyfriend, the other was a ONS. I was as horny as hell and wanted to get rid of my virginity. But while it was physically satisfying and made me feel grown up, it was emotionally empty.

So I decided I wouldn’t do it again. If you think that makes me sad and judgemental, well you’re entitled to your opinion, as I am to mine.

Teddybear45 · 07/10/2019 10:23

Sleeping with 4 people in a month (ie one person every week) IS grim but it also isn’t any of your business. So while you can think it and happily judge them silently you shouldn’t say anything

PuzzledObserver · 07/10/2019 10:27

Oh, and I didn’t say anybody should feel ashamed of enjoying sex, or having multiple partners. I explained why I don’t want to have multiple partners and that I want to have a partner who feels the same. So you lot crack on with sleeping with whoever you want, and we’ll leave you to it, OK?

OP, if you’re still here - what this thread has shown to me is that other than agreement about consent and openness, there really seems to be no prevailing opinion on sexual ethics these days. So the important thing for you is how you feel about what your partner did 18 months ago and how your relationship is now.

Benes · 07/10/2019 10:35

Sleeping around doesn't make you a feminist!
neither does judging those that choose to have sex with multiple partners.

Benes · 07/10/2019 10:36

Sleeping with 4 people in a month (ie one person every week) IS grim

Why? Why is it grim??

Landltara · 07/10/2019 10:39

*I know it's early but this may well be the daftest post of the day.

Sleeping around doesn't make you a feminist!*

Maybe because it's early you misread as Pp didn't say it did, she said those judging those who sleep with multiple men, can't call themselves a feminist.

Which is true.

littlemeitslyn · 07/10/2019 10:49

Tarts r us

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 07/10/2019 11:04

I don't think any of the women who have judged other women for enjoying sex with multiple partners can call themselves a feminist.

It's perfectly reasonable to judge women for putting their health at risk by having indiscriminate sex and still be a feminist.

Wereeaglesdare · 07/10/2019 11:08

Wonder how many posters on here are carrying the herpes virus, wonder how many have had genital warts. That is the issue the more you put it about the more you spread these viruses which you cannot get rid of. Do you people realise that condoms are not going to protect from everything.
This is not a feminist issue as stated doesn't mtter if your a man woman or other. I wonder how many proud people on here would be as proud as if there family found out what they are upto on their shagathon weekend. Would they boast about the hundreds then?Just curious not judgemental.

So far I have anger issues
I'm a serial killer
I need to get some
I'm a prude

I need help
and I'm the judgemental one

GinDaddy · 07/10/2019 11:08

What I find most disturbing is how readily some women are willing to jump in and judge/kick another woman for having a different sex life.

It's the posters combining statements with "that's grim" followed by "I could never let that many people near my body" or "sex is for relationships" etc

Why do you need to make other women feel bad to "elevate" your choices?!

Sex is not only taking place in relationships. That doesn't make it "worse sex", nor are the women who partake in this, "worse women".

Regarding the OP, in 2012 I had sex with eight women in the space of just over five weeks. It was a bit chaotic and I was clearly having a wild moment in time, but I am now a father of two in a monogamous relationship with a DW who knows all of this as she was one of them.

What am I supposed to do, wring my hands in front of some of you who fear I am a reprobate?

GinDaddy · 07/10/2019 11:09

@Wereeaglesdare I don't have herpes. I have slept with 100s of people.

What I am supposed to "realise" from your post?!

FizzyGreenWater · 07/10/2019 11:11

Sleeping with people is nobody's business but your own.

If you're lying to someone in order to do it, there's your acid test.

Your (hopefully ex) bf is a little shit, but not because he technically slept with 4 people in one month, but because he's a cheaty little cheat.

GreytExpectations · 07/10/2019 11:13

It's perfectly reasonable to judge women for putting their health at risk by having indiscriminate sex and still be a feminist.

Err, no its never perfectly reasonable to judge women for their life choices and call yourself a feminist, part of feminism is women having control over their own bodies. By judging what one woman does with her own body you don't hold the feminist view.

Also, as long as people are having safe sex than the risk to health is low.