Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is sleeping with 4 people in a month a bit much?

450 replies

holdtheladdersteady · 06/10/2019 20:45

Am I just an old prude?

Is sleeping with 4 different people in a month a bit...I don’t know...grim?

I just found this out about someone and it makes me feel a bit sick. AIBU?

OP posts:
GreytExpectations · 07/10/2019 11:15

Just curious not judgemental.

@Wereeaglesdare No, no dear you judgmental, you've made your stance very clear on this thread.

Wereeaglesdare · 07/10/2019 11:16

In a lot of cases you would not know if you were carrying these diseases as they lie dormant in the body, so you can spread disease without having symptoms of a disease. Not everyone will be aware of this so i think it does need to be considered while having casual sex with strangers is my point.

easyandy101 · 07/10/2019 11:18

I think people should fuck who they want but I'll tell you what's fucking off-key is telling people that a good seeing to will sort out their logic

That truly is harking back to a 70s mentality

Benes · 07/10/2019 11:21

Wereeaglesdare
I have slept with a number of men and women. I don't carry the herpes virus or any other STD.

I wonder how many proud people on here would be as proud as if there family found out what they are upto on their shagathon weekend. Would they boast about the hundreds then?Just curious not judgemental

Do you talk to your family about your sex life?

Lunafortheloveogod · 07/10/2019 11:28

It is excessive if it’s the norm.. like every month 4 different blokes for the entirety of your single life, youd be one birth control failure away from Jezza 😂.

Or in op’s partners case he could have a very busy month on the maternity ward.. it’s happened lads running between two beds.

But if it’s safe and consensual and not happening for 15 years till you’re settled down as long as the others know they aren’t the only one it’s no one else’s business.

TemporaryPermanent · 07/10/2019 11:36

Not nearly enough [sigh]

I enjoyed 2 a week very much though at my age got a bit tired. Variety is the spice of life. Admittedly I've stopped for a bit, probably couldn't do it for that long.

Tested and clear here. Delighted to report that the GUM consultant told me the risk of passing on genital herpes is much lower than people think, and HPV/oral herpes is so common they dont even test for it now on the NHS, though obviously they would if you had a new oral cancer.

angell84 · 07/10/2019 11:38

@GreytExpectations you are talking a load of rubbish. You said that everyone should be having sex with lots of partners, and anyone who doesn't is a prude and wrong . What bolox!!

Why is your opinion the right opinion? Because you have LOADS of sex, every woman should have loads of sex? What an ego!

I have said that the following is my opinion, and others are entitles to theirs. We are all different.

People do not look down on lots of casual sex with lots of people, because it is wrong. Some women do not want to do it because of the risks to emotional, physical and mental health. I would like to not put myself in harm's way.

I would personally say to my daughter that is she chooses to have sex with lots of people a that is her choice - but Inwould warn her of the risks.

  • That if you get into bed with a stranger - you know nothing about him - he could be violent. He is stronger than you - he could make you do lots of things that you don't want to do.

Look at all the instances of men starting sex with condoms and taking condoms off during sex and not telling the girl.

Look at all the instances where the girl was secretly filmed during sex/took photos of her, and didn't tel her.

Sti's/pregnant

You are setting yourself for a lot of risks when you have sex with a stranger/multiple strangers.

And that is common sense.

GidgetGirl · 07/10/2019 11:40

Do not think 4 people in one month is in any way excessive, for men or women. These things wax and wane - most people have, er, sexually ‘busy’ periods and times when there’s not much of it going on. It’s one of the joys of life and I can’t conceive of thinking anyone was ‘grim’ because of it. Fair enough if you perceive sex as something you only like to do within the confines of a committed relationship, but why does it make anyone think badly of others? Quite odd.

As for partners with a promiscuous history - I LOVE that my DP has been around the block. And god knows he really has.. He’s a handsome, charming man - I find it exciting that he’s been so in-demand throughout his life.

fikel · 07/10/2019 11:43

And what exactly does that have to do with anything? Advice would be to have safe and consensual sex and to not cheat or hurt people. I'd hope some of the prudes who need a good shag wouldn't be passing down their sexist views to their daughters. All girls should grow up knowing not to be ashamed of their sexuali
The reason I ask this is if you would feel worried if your child was doing the same? As a mother I would prefer my daughter to be in a loving relationship.
By the way you sound like an angry, misogynistic, 70s comedian.

ElizaDee · 07/10/2019 11:44

No. It’s my partner. And I was one of those people he slept with.

Think that's one of the biggest oxymorons I've ever seen on here.

angell84 · 07/10/2019 11:45

@fikel "some of the prudes who need a good shag".

So you are saying that "every woman should be having exactly the same amount of sex as you" Why?

Isn't that bullying? Making someone else doing something that they don't want to do.

Thka reminds me of when teenage girls tell me that they are pressured to have sex to fit in, by other girls, even tnough they do not want to

slashlover · 07/10/2019 11:53

I'm asexual and am a virgin at 41 and I see no problem with someone deciding to have sex with as many people as they feel comfortable with. If everyone is consenting and aware then what is the actual problem?

Some people see sex as something between a couple in a relationship and some see it as a bit of fun and both perspectives are valid. The name calling is a bit unnecessary though.

The OP seems to have been fine that her DP was apparently sleeping with his ex and her at the same time as she has stayed with him for 18 months.

RancidOldMeatbag · 07/10/2019 11:56

of course its a lot, I havent had that many in my whole life and I am 50!Shock

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 07/10/2019 11:59

Err, no its never perfectly reasonable to judge women for their life choices and call yourself a feminist

Of course it is. Women can make shit life choices just the same as men. They aren't exempt from being judged for them.

fikel · 07/10/2019 12:01

Bookmark

Today 11:45 angell84

@fikel "some of the prudes who need a good shag".

So you are saying that "every woman should be having exactly the same amount of sex as you" Why?

Isn't that bullying? Making someone else doing something th
Please read all my post I was replying to an earlier post

OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg · 07/10/2019 12:01

Sleeping with one person, or a very small number of people each of with whom you've felt an emotional connection, doesn't make you a better person.

Sleeping with four people in a month, or a week, or a weekend, or a night, doesn't make you a better person.

The important thing is that everyone is on the same page. So if you're up for a casual shag, your partner should also be up for a casual shag and you should both be free to swing from the chandeliers. If you're looking for love and an emotional relationship, your would-be partner should be in the same position. No one should be getting hurt, deceived, put at risk or cheated on.

So a man sleeping with four women is not wrong (or grim, or sleazy, or any of those pejorative words) in and of itself, nor is it if the sexes were reversed. But a man sleeping with four women where at least two of those women think they are in an exclusive relationship with the guy, as in the OP's situation, is not great. Not because of the number of sexual partners but because there is clearly some deceit at worst, some lying by omission at best going on, and people are ending up hurt and cheated on.

goodgirlinchachaheels · 07/10/2019 12:02

I don't see how it is any of your concern?
Don't sleep with 4 people a month if you don't like it, that is all.

Pardonwhat · 07/10/2019 12:03

I think it’s grim that you care.

What other people do with their bits is none of my concern.

angell84 · 07/10/2019 12:03

Why I am against casual sex with lots of men , is nothing to do with saying the woman is bad.

I am against casual sex with lots of men because I think that it is a risky activity.

And I value my health and my safety.

All of the stories that I have heard of:
Men taking photos during sex secretly and sharing them with friends.
Men taking off condoms half way during sex, and not telling the woman.
Men doing things that women do not want during sex.

Stories about men filming women with hidden cameras diring sex, and uploading them to porn sites.

You ARE putting your body and mind at risk

ilovetofu · 07/10/2019 12:03

He doesn't sound very trustworthy op. LTB.

GinDaddy · 07/10/2019 12:04

@ElizaDee

You need to look up the meaning of the word "oxymoron"

OP could have been sleeping with her future partner at the time, but he perhaps wasn't officially her partner at that moment. Then after a number of months he became her partner.

If she used any word other than "partner" in the sentence you pulled, it would have been confusing, but we can all understand timelines so I'm glad she used the right word

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 07/10/2019 12:04

Nicely put, @OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg

goodgirlinchachaheels · 07/10/2019 12:05

Ps: My bad, I have just read the thread. Ditch him.

angell84 · 07/10/2019 12:05

For example, there is a website online where a man uploads photos of his one night stands, naked, from behind - so she cannot see the camera.

He puts up these photos , and loads of men comment on how good or bad she is.

GinDaddy · 07/10/2019 12:06

@angell84

I'm sorry that you have read so many things that cause you to form that opinion.

There are also plenty of women going out and having good, consensual, hot, satisfying sex, with a number of partners. They don't want desire or need a relationship in order to have sex. Those women insist on condoms, have a system that works for them in terms of trust and knowing if that person is real or right etc

Can we accept that this scenario also exists and isn't a unicorn?