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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is sleeping with 4 people in a month a bit much?

450 replies

holdtheladdersteady · 06/10/2019 20:45

Am I just an old prude?

Is sleeping with 4 different people in a month a bit...I don’t know...grim?

I just found this out about someone and it makes me feel a bit sick. AIBU?

OP posts:
honeylulu · 07/10/2019 06:33

As a matter of curiosity, given the objections of the word "grim" used in this thread, I looked it up.

Cambridge dictionary says "gloomy, serious" or alternatively "forbidding".

Urban dictionary says "something that is rank/disgusting/horrid/yuk/mank/rank". It seems quite in accord with the type of disquietetude conveyed by the disapproving posters on this thread.

notangelinajolie · 07/10/2019 06:42

OT slightly. I'm not a fan of the word grim. However, it's use here is justified because it was the OP's question.

TinyMystery · 07/10/2019 06:46

I definitely did similar in my late teens/early 20s. Not something I’d do now, even if I wasn’t married, but only because I hate the idea of having to go out to bars or clubs to meet people. It sounds like hell now!

GreytExpectations · 07/10/2019 07:16

Only on Mumsnet are women not allowed to enjoy sex or have lots of it. This thread is hilarious and I'm 🙄 at all the slut shaming, some posters need to get back into 2019

maddiemookins16mum · 07/10/2019 07:21

Yuck.

Benes · 07/10/2019 07:23

Four people in one month really isn't an issue providing no-one is being deceived or lied to.

We really need to stop viewing sex as seedy or dirty.

GreytExpectations · 07/10/2019 07:31

I think a lot of these prudish posters need a good seeing to Grin

Benes · 07/10/2019 07:31

poopoo all men? Nah....that's bullshit.

I'm a woman and I love a quick fuck. That doesn't make me better or worse than anyone. It just means I really, really love sex.

Benes · 07/10/2019 07:34

notangelina you'd be surprised. The casual sex/sex party scene is thriving. A number of the bigger groups are run and organised by women.

ForalltheSaints · 07/10/2019 07:58

Normal if that person wants to be leader of the Conservative Party. The main concern should be safer sex practices.

Benes · 07/10/2019 07:59

Multiple partners doesn't automatically mean unsafe sex 🙄

OpiesOldLady · 07/10/2019 08:10

I agree with everything that Benes said.

I bloody love sex. No matter if thats with myself, one partner or numerous partners. I enjoy swinging, BDSM, adult parties and orgasms. Lots of them. And why the hell shouldn't i? Everything I do is safe, sane and consensual between all parties. I see no harm.

ReanimatedSGB · 07/10/2019 08:18

I've had sex with over 100 people and never had a really bad experience. Some were a bit disappointing, some absurd, most were fun. While everything carries a certain amount of risk, there are precautions you can take ie meeting someone from an OLD site for the first time should always be in a public place so that, if something seems dodgy, you can just get up and go home.

redappleandaquamarinebow1987 · 07/10/2019 08:22

I could not have sex that casually or be with anyone that views it in such a casual manner either. It's a personal choice because I feel I deserve more then to be some release for a guy to have fun with etc but I do realise now plenty of woman enjoy the no strings attached view. As long as safety precautions have been made I guess it's none of my business just like my view would be none of theirs.

Doormat247 · 07/10/2019 08:32

I'm with you on this one OP. I'd be really fucked off and a bit disgusted to know my partner had done that.
I'm not a fan of one night stands and I think it says a lot about a person if they're willing to stick their dick in a stranger without really thinking about the consequences.
I think people forget that you can still catch some STIs from skin contact even if you're being safe with contraception.

I found out my ex's previous GF had slept with 200 men and wore it as a badge of honour that she'd never caught an STI from all the unprotected sex! A few months after meeting him I ended up with genital warts 😒😑.

Benes · 07/10/2019 08:37

doormat what exactly does it say about someone? Providing it's consensual, safe and nobody is being lied to I honestly can't see the issue?

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 07/10/2019 08:38

I can live with people having casual sex with multiple consecutive partners. It wouldn't be for me but I can't get fussed about what other people get up to. I think it's the going back and forth between partners I have more of a struggle with. That seems skanky.

Like you OP I come from a time when exclusivity was presumed from the off, you called each other your girlfriend or boyfriend from the second date onwards. It wouldn't occur to me to have to discuss exclusivity explicitly and I can't help finding it weird that people dating today make such a thing about stepping up to the girlfriend/boyfriend stage.

NameChangeNugget · 07/10/2019 08:40

What a ridiculous thread. Of course YABU

Butchyrestingface · 07/10/2019 08:48

What a ridiculous thread. Of course YABU

You think it’s okay that her boyfriend cheated on his girlfriend with 3 other women, including the OP?

fikel · 07/10/2019 08:56

Just a question, for the ladies who have had multiple partners, orgies etc. If you have daughters what will your advice be to them when they get older and navigate the world of dating?

SerenDippitty · 07/10/2019 09:06

Like you OP I come from a time when exclusivity was presumed from the off, you called each other your girlfriend or boyfriend from the second date onwards. It wouldn't occur to me to have to discuss exclusivity explicitly and I can't help finding it weird that people dating today make such a thing about stepping up to the girlfriend/boyfriend stage.

Me too. It was so much simpler - either you were seeing someone or you weren’t. Sex with strangers would not be for me - I’d need to know, trust and like someone at least a bit before I’d consider having sex with them. What other people do is not my business. However someone upthread asked what’s the problem if no one is being lied to, but a lot of the time people are being lied to. In a society where no strings no questions asked sex is fine and widely available thanks to the Internet there’ll be a lot of cheaters looking for it.

Benes · 07/10/2019 09:17

fikel if I had a daughter I'd give her the same advice I'll be giving my son.
Respect people, don't lie, cheat or hurt people.
Don't be ashamed of your sexuality - sex isn't something to be ashamed of.
I'll also be teaching my son not to judge people....a lesson some people on this thread could do with.

Benes · 07/10/2019 09:21

Oh and the importance of safe sex

GreytExpectations · 07/10/2019 09:27

If you have daughters what will your advice be to them when they get older and navigate the world of dating?

And what exactly does that have to do with anything? Advice would be to have safe and consensual sex and to not cheat or hurt people. I'd hope some of the prudes who need a good shag wouldn't be passing down their sexist views to their daughters. All girls should grow up knowing not to be ashamed of their sexuality.

OpiesOldLady · 07/10/2019 09:28

I would be telling all my children the same - sons or daughters.

Thier bodies are thiers to do with as they so wish. Love is love is love. That thier happiness doesn't depend on other people. That they need bravery, honesty, trust and communication for any relationship to work. That they can love who they like and they don't have to comply with what society deems as normal. That safe, sane and consensual is the way to go. That no means no.