To wonder how the fuck people have sex?

[HerRoyalFattyness]

Earlier on this evening all 3 kids (10, 5 and 4) were engrossed in screens with headphones on. DP upstairs putting washing away.

So I go upstairs and initiate a quickie while the kids are distracted. Just as we get naked we hear "ummm... Mum, there's a problem"
"What?"
"DD has done a poo and it's everywhere... Even on the toilet seat. I think it's diarrhoea"
"Ok we'll sort it"

Mood completely killed, 5 year old was hosed down with the shower while DP cleaned up her mess in the downstairs loo.

It's now 20 to 11, kids all asleep. As is DP! So that's my plans ruined!

We've been together nearly 12 years now, how on earth are we meant to make intimacy a priority in our relationship with kids and exhaustion just trying to ruin it all?

No one wants their dc to have a stomach bug, firstly because we love them and don't want them to feel poorly and secondly, no parent ever though clearing up vomit or poop was fun - whether you were doing the washing or having sex, it's equally a pain as you've not had sex and now have a mountain more washing!

Oh I only have one and we have to be creative. I'm always pretty whacked by the time we go to bed, our son wakes at 06.30 (normally ) which is the time my hubby gets up and out for work.

If we are awake before our son it's a morning thing (something I would never have contemplated before our son) or during his nap time, he's only 2 so can't really both jump in the shower or another room as he cant be left long.

Lock yourselves in bathroom,if they come looking for you they won't actually see anything.

I don't really see why people think it's so grim, providing they don't see you "at it" I don't see the issue.

10 is too late for a 10 year old to be up. There’s the answer to your problem

🙄 Your opinion is not fact.

And remember to give all offspring immodium on the pre booked day

FML @Tippexy
7:30 for a 10 year old. Do you even have kids? 😂😂😂 what a joke!

Daisyandmay
Or maybe I should carry on going to work and earning a wage so that I can afford to live?
Yeah, I think I like my idea better.

It's grim because it sounds chaotic and sad. 3 kids on tablets, while their parents try to have sex upstairs, and they all have late bedtimes and the household has sleep issues.

Having sex with three children awake downstairs

I have a 5 year old (and a two year old) and I wouldn’t even dream of having sex in the house somewhere whilst he’s awake in the other room.

Sorry, but having sex whilst your three child are awake on the floor below is just strange.

However, your work patterns and home life patterns do put barriers and restrictions up so I guess you have to try and get it when you can.

God theres some miserable gits on here.

Daisyandmay

You're fun at parties, right?

Well you might not be fucked OP but your lighthearted thread certainly is

This thread. Sheesh!
Honestly how is there anything wrong with having a quickie whilst your kids are still awake - in another room?
Make sure they are occupied, lock the bedroom and get to it. There is nothing wrong with it. My second and third DC were conceived whilst their eventual siblings were laying in a cot next to our bed 🤷‍♀️

This place has gone to the dogs. Everything has to be book ended with LIGHTHEARTED.

OP I always wake my DH up for sex and he is never anything less than receptive.

formerbabe
Nope. I'm really not. I've acknowledged plenty of times that I'm well aware my life can't be like it was when I was 16 and first with DP.

Hahaha at some of these comments- out of interest how many of the against lot have children over the age of 8????
It's hard work squeezing it in! I feel you OP!

My god, the replies on this thread are just...WTAF?!

What a load of sanctimonious arseholes.

No advice OP but you definitely don’t deserve the hard time you’re getting.

It's grim because it sounds chaotic and sad. 3 kids on tablets, while their parents try to have sex upstairs, and they all have late bedtimes and the household has sleep issues.

I'm pretty sure they're not the only kids of Mumsnetters who posses tablets.

Bedtimes are better suited to individual children rather than 'the Mumsnet clock'.

You lot need to get a life, I presume most of you are divorced or single!
Nope I have a great sex life with my dh - when my children are sleeping!

sausage wallet
🤣 🤣 🤣

What is with all the po faced posters on this thread?! What's the scandal about having sex whilst the children are shock horror AWAKE in the house? I take longer shits than I do quickies 🤣 they barely notice we've left the room!

I think there are a lot of people on a wind up on this post.

@Tippexy wins by a mile though. Very funny

OP, I feel your pain

Wow snarky comments are in full force tonight!
And and anyone suggesting setting a 5:30 alarm for sex.. nooooooo!
1.. Morning breath.

1. Sleeeeeeeeelp!

OP
I have three kids. It's tough. Personal couple time is almost non existent and I understand that this was a light hearted rant

A job should fit in with family life. You have young children who need present parents

Sanctimonious waffle.

Fucking hell - this cannot be MN?

WTAF is going on tonight???

@HerRoyalFattyness if you put the kids back now, you won’t even know if your DH is ‘in’ or not 🤣. The mist reasonable post on here so far is @gamerchick’s

quickie is push knickers to one side while bent over the bed

Would your DH object to being woken up?

I barely sleep, but even I don’t mind being woken up ‘nicely’ 😊

As an aside, I can’t believe your youngest is 4 already 😳

It's hard work squeezing it in! I feel you OP!

OK, that sounds a little more pervy than it should

I have a 5 year old (and a two year old) and I wouldn’t even dream of having sex in the house somewhere whilst he’s awake in the other room.

You wouldn't dream of having sex with your husband whilst your kids are distracted in another room? Does your husband agree with this? I very much doubt it.