Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To wonder how the fuck people have sex?

935 replies

HerRoyalFattyness · 05/10/2019 22:41

Earlier on this evening all 3 kids (10, 5 and 4) were engrossed in screens with headphones on. DP upstairs putting washing away.

So I go upstairs and initiate a quickie while the kids are distracted. Just as we get naked we hear "ummm... Mum, there's a problem"
"What?"
"DD has done a poo and it's everywhere... Even on the toilet seat. I think it's diarrhoea"
"Ok we'll sort it"

Mood completely killed, 5 year old was hosed down with the shower while DP cleaned up her mess in the downstairs loo.

It's now 20 to 11, kids all asleep. As is DP! So that's my plans ruined!

We've been together nearly 12 years now, how on earth are we meant to make intimacy a priority in our relationship with kids and exhaustion just trying to ruin it all?

OP posts:
Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 05/10/2019 23:13

worra yes. She definitely did it on purpose.
Your 10 year old should not be awake at 10pm, ‘reading’ or otherwise. No wonder he doesn’t sleep well. He should be in bed for 7:30 with 30 mins’ reading allowed.
Erm excuse me? I only get home from work at 7.30pm. my 4 year old only goes to bed at 7.45
I know how much sleep my children need. I never said DS1 doesn't sleep well, because when he does sleep he sleeps well, there are other factors at play which affect the entire households sleep.
And if he really needed more sleep he would go to sleep earlier on his own and wouldn't wake himself up without an alarm etc at 6 am every fucking morning.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 05/10/2019 23:14

I could post many similar posts...

"To wonder how other people go on piss up holidays to Ibiza?"

Answer...don't have children

"To wonder how other people can work any hours they want?"

Answer...don't have children.

"To wonder how other people lie in at the weekends until midday?"

Answer...don't have children.

Beautiful3 · 05/10/2019 23:14

I wouldnt get naked and jump into bed when the kids are still up. Bit grim. Wait until they're asleep, then do it.

stucknoue · 05/10/2019 23:14

What you need to do is to send the kids to the sweet shopGrin. Well will work in a year or two

ashtrayheart · 05/10/2019 23:14

My ten year old is still awake right now and so is my nine year old Grin
I had better go and tell her that someone on Mumsnet said she should be asleep.

Loveislandaddict · 05/10/2019 23:14

Before they get up in the morning?

Rainonmyguitar · 05/10/2019 23:14

Your 10 year old should not be awake at 10pm, ‘reading’ or otherwise. No wonder he doesn’t sleep well. He should be in bed for 7:30 with 30 mins’ reading allowed

My 8yo goes to bed at 10pm on weekends and holidays. If she was sleeping for 8pm, she'd be awake at 5.30/6.00am so far better to sleep 10.00/10.30 til 8.00am. Not all children have the same sleep pattern

WTFisThisNow · 05/10/2019 23:15

Wtf is wrong with people hating on this op?
Grab life by the bollocks and snatch the little moments of happiness where you can. 😂

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 05/10/2019 23:15

And also, it's a Saturday night. Of course he's up later than usual. We spend extra time together on weekends as I work 4 days a week and I'm out of the house for 12 hours a day.

OP posts:
justcantthink · 05/10/2019 23:15

I can't believe the replies to this, grim? Wtf has grim got to do with having a quickie whilst your kids are downstairs distracted?

You lot need to get a life, I presume most of you are divorced or single!

HotSince82 · 05/10/2019 23:15

Tippexy

Another chaotic household.

I think I love you.....

Divorce678 · 05/10/2019 23:16

iPad or movie during the day

Otherwise early hours (5am ish) and then can still go back to sleep for a couple hours afterwards til they wake you up!

Have also booked annual leave for the odd day just to have a day for doing ‘nothing’ while kids at nursery/school!

Pinkbonbon · 05/10/2019 23:16

...lol a ten year old in bed at 7.30!?!? xD now THAT is grim. Imagine! Poor kid. Probably wise too only feed him gruel too right? Haha

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 05/10/2019 23:16

formerbabe
Well what do you suggest as I've clearly already failed and had three kids?
I can't exactly shove them back up there, it was hard enough getting the little shits out.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 05/10/2019 23:16

Why is it grim though?

Are the 'grimmers' assuming the OP doesn't have a lock on her bedroom door?

Are you assuming they're so loud the kids can hear them?

I keep reading the word 'grim' but with no-one saying why.

MamaGee09 · 05/10/2019 23:17

@herroyalfattyness

Wait until they are teenagers! It’s near impossible. 😂😂😂😂

Lots of uptight , grumpy people on here today!

m0therofdragons · 05/10/2019 23:17

We often have Sunday morning sex. Dc (we have 3 aged 11 and 8) get up and watch tv every Sunday AM so we bolt the door and have a quick / quiet one. Our bedroom is the opposite side of the house to the living room and we can hear them coming up the stair anyway. Why's that icky? I'm 37 and have been married for 15 years, I bloody love sex. We have a healthy relationship but sometimes after dc are in bed we are just too tired. People on here are hilarious.

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 05/10/2019 23:18

iPad or movie during the day that's what we tried but nope. DD just had to spoil it all. How dare she get a stomach bug Wink

OP posts:
HotSince82 · 05/10/2019 23:19

Things I have learned from MN today;

Number one: I legitmately could not cope in some of the described households, nor live by their self imposed puritan rules.

Fuck me......!
once the children are asleep

GrinGrinGrin

justcantthink · 05/10/2019 23:19

Your 10 year old should not be awake at 10pm, ‘reading’ or otherwise. No wonder he doesn’t sleep well. He should be in bed for 7:30 with 30 mins’ reading allowed

Really? My kids go to bed at 10.30 at weekends and they are the most happy little human beings. I think you need more sex in your life.

WorraLiberty · 05/10/2019 23:19

Wait until they are teenagers! It’s near impossible.

To have sex or to shove them back up?

AnOojamaflip · 05/10/2019 23:19

You need to sync your watches, compare diaries and book a slot (so to speak). Make such you give at least two weeks notice.

You may want to set up an electronic room booking system. Failing that one of those sliding things vacant/occupied.

(And remember to give all offspring immodium on the pre booked day).

Putting a heart next to the entry makes it romantic.

Daisyandmay · 05/10/2019 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FlipFlopChipShop · 05/10/2019 23:19

I'm.not a fan of a quickie. They always go on too long! Yawns! Need tips on how to speed it up!

formerbabe · 05/10/2019 23:20

Yeah but what it boils down to is you're wondering why your life isn't the same as it was when you were childfree!