To wonder how the fuck people have sex?

[HerRoyalFattyness]

Earlier on this evening all 3 kids (10, 5 and 4) were engrossed in screens with headphones on. DP upstairs putting washing away.

So I go upstairs and initiate a quickie while the kids are distracted. Just as we get naked we hear "ummm... Mum, there's a problem"
"What?"
"DD has done a poo and it's everywhere... Even on the toilet seat. I think it's diarrhoea"
"Ok we'll sort it"

Mood completely killed, 5 year old was hosed down with the shower while DP cleaned up her mess in the downstairs loo.

It's now 20 to 11, kids all asleep. As is DP! So that's my plans ruined!

We've been together nearly 12 years now, how on earth are we meant to make intimacy a priority in our relationship with kids and exhaustion just trying to ruin it all?

ruffle so once you become a mum you're supposed to stop wanting/having sex?
What a ridiculous and misogynistic comment.

@expatinspain haha yea it does sound abit eew by bad ! It's not that I look at them or anything during. it's just incase I hear them move or shout. I know their en route an can stop before hand...

'like you said your 28 not 58. Enjoy it before your back goes or something 😂!! '

Here we go

AGAIN

I think in these situations you just have to get creative OP. And don’t bother getting naked, takes up far too much time! Don’t listen to the miserable gits.... there’s some proper prudes on patrol 😂

I think ruffle is just enjoying being a GF.

Haven't fully RTFT but bloody hell some people need to calm down. It's quite clearly a light hearted thread.

I feel your pain OP. We've only got one DC and I can't remember the last time we had sex.
There's nothing wrong with attempting to grab a quickie if the kids are preoccupied and the feeling takes you. I think I would have pounced on DH too if I had seen him putting washing way without being asked!

In, out, in, out, shake it all about... Oh sorry, that's how to do the hokey cokey. My mistake.

Morning, everyone! We thought we should just pop by to confirm that the OP has indeed been here some time and never been any trouble, While this is AIBU and the OP, we're sure, expects some people to disagree with her, we will have to remove any troll hunting.

We've also seen off some rather over-ambitious sockying here, so hopefully the thread can get back to doing whatever it was doing now (we won't ask for any details).

@HerRoyalFattyness

I often wonder that too, sometimes I go so long without it I think my hymen may grow back 😂. I've got 5 kids (shock horror)

It's so hard to find the time, I'm constantly shattered in fact we all are. I've got an 18 and 16 year old that don't know what shut eye are and a 5 year old that thinks she doesn't have a bed of her own.

One day we'll have an empty house and we can swing from the chandeliers 😉

Just when you can maybe plan early morning or ask grandparents to have for a few hours

Thanks HebeMumsnet

Day off work today. No fun and games though because now the 4 year old is pukey! Ugh.

Paw Patrol, ipad, sometimes accompanied by crisps and a purple fruit shoot. Sorted.

Having kids doesn't mean you are dead below the waist.
I love being grim! And do it regularly.

Good luck OP!

ConcreteUnderpants purple fruit shoots are the worst. At least give them a red one you tight cow

I love that you've made cockblocking trend on MN @HerRoyalFattyness. This thread has made me laugh so much over the weekend 😂

Oooh am I trending?
I never thought I'd be so cool. I feel I should make a speech

ok, there's all kinds of craziness on this thread, but this:

But there seem to be a handful who think it's fine to have sex or masturbate in the same room as your baby, some asleep, some awake, some newborn and some up to 9 months so far...

Seriously? A small baby isn't aware of what you're doing, and under six months shouldn't be sleeping in a room on their own anyway. A quiet, gentle shag under a duvet isn't going to disturb a tiny baby.

As to how we manage now... DS goes to sleep late. Even though he goes to bed at 7.30 every night, he's rarely asleep before 9.30, that seems to be his natural time to go to sleep no matter what we do. He also hates sleeping on his own so is usually in with us. Downstairs on the sofa while he's sleeping upstairs is the option we've chosen. If he did wake up and came looking for us, he's incapable of being quiet giving us plenty of time to disentangle and get the pyjama bottoms back up.

I’m quite happy to admit i’m Grim too OP! Lock for the bedroom door is a winner 😂 just plonk them in front of a film, shut some doors so you can hear them coming and lock your bedroom so you have a chance to put your knickers back on!

Mumsnet is so full of prudes sometimes, it’s a wonder anyone has more than one kid...

When you look up and their standing up at the cot looking in your direction! In the dark they can’t see anything anyway and you aren’t going to be swinging from the chandelier when the babes in the room! I’ve had my kids walk in on us in the middle of the night loads of times when they were small and in rooms of their own, they were too sleepified to know what was happening anyway but can’t believe how uptight some people are about this sort of thing!

You have to wonder how some people had more than one child.

OP, I once posted about DD telling me she could hear me and DH having sex through her bedroom wall (was a barbed stroppy response to me asking her to keep her music down past midnight). I was utterly flamed and accused of child abuse/told what I was doing was illegal. Even though I'd made it clear in my OP that DD was almost 19!

Some people on MN have fucking weird attitudes towards sex. Fuck knows how they'd have coped in ye olde days when everyone slept in one room but - shock horror - the human race didn't die out.

Best of luck OP and I hope you get your oats soon. Though as PPs have said don't imagine it gets easier when they're teens but for the love of God don't post about it or they'll have SS after you

but for the love of God don't post about it or they'll have SS after you

GirlAfraid
I quite like the seal clapping and calls for dialing 101!!

Best of luck!!

but for the love of God don't post about it or they'll have SS after you

I know. Clearly we can't actually care about our children if we are having sex with our partners.

Omfg to the the poster who believed someone got shagged in front of a strangers baby 🤣 ‘You wouldn’t be babysitting for me ever again’ Too funny

OMG LOCK THE OP UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEY! not with her husband though as they might be at it like rabbits. How dare they.

When you have kids you're not allowed sex, did you not read it in the parent handbook?

C'mon people lighten up a little bit we all have needs in some sort of way 😂