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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To wonder how the fuck people have sex?

935 replies

HerRoyalFattyness · 05/10/2019 22:41

Earlier on this evening all 3 kids (10, 5 and 4) were engrossed in screens with headphones on. DP upstairs putting washing away.

So I go upstairs and initiate a quickie while the kids are distracted. Just as we get naked we hear "ummm... Mum, there's a problem"
"What?"
"DD has done a poo and it's everywhere... Even on the toilet seat. I think it's diarrhoea"
"Ok we'll sort it"

Mood completely killed, 5 year old was hosed down with the shower while DP cleaned up her mess in the downstairs loo.

It's now 20 to 11, kids all asleep. As is DP! So that's my plans ruined!

We've been together nearly 12 years now, how on earth are we meant to make intimacy a priority in our relationship with kids and exhaustion just trying to ruin it all?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/10/2019 23:38

It also must be a cultural thing to have a sliding bolt too high for kids to reach...

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 06/10/2019 23:45

It also must be a cultural thing to have a sliding bolt too high for kids to reach...

Or maybe it's a common sense thing? Or maybe just us hussies who like a shag use them.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/10/2019 23:48

Yes, forget pampas grass. It's all about the bolts these days.

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 06/10/2019 23:52

Much more discreet. Pampas grass is soo last season.

OP posts:
Ladybirdbookworm · 06/10/2019 23:57

I've done the same as turquoise
Read the first few pages and then skipped to the end ....
All I can say OP is that years ago when my Dd was a teen and pre teen I used to spend about 5 mins every now and then "helping my DH " fix the bath taps that were leaking !!!! .......

Tessabelle74 · 06/10/2019 23:59

raspberryk
some people are disgusting enough to have sex in the same room as someone elses baby.

If you get your head out of your very Victorian backside, you may have caught the obvious joke in this comment Hmm

DarlingNikita · 07/10/2019 00:02

I think someone left the gate open at the miserable git farm.

God, I know Confused

Maybe you should be a bit more present for your young children What a twat.

Lulu49 · 07/10/2019 00:03

Are you seriously saying you should never have sex with your sleeping baby in the same room????!!!!!! All my kids slept in our room til 6 months of age and were blissfully unaware of me and hubby doing the deed in our bed five feet away.

raspberryk · 07/10/2019 00:06

Tessabelle74 - not the recent crude unfunny joke, the woman last night who replied to me pages and pages ago stating she had sex with her grandchild in the room. Gross.

tympanic · 07/10/2019 00:09

Shall we all swap bum jokes?

I have piles...

Shit joke @WorraLiberty

💩

Trampus100 · 07/10/2019 00:27

You need to keep having fun with your husband..happy parents make happy kids ..my husband said he needs to talk to me in the bathroom turned out to be a fun conversation

Mulhollandmagoo · 07/10/2019 00:35

If I had to wait for the kids to be asleep I'd have absolutely no hope of ever getting any 😂😂 I've had longer showers than quickies! As long as the kids are safe and distracted I don't see a problem!

When did everyone get so British about having sex???

raspberryk · 07/10/2019 00:43

Ok @lulu49 if you think its ok to have sex in the same room as your baby what age is it not ok?

I had my baby in my room til 1 and still managed to not have sex in the same room whilst still maintaining a good sex life.

AzraiL · 07/10/2019 00:54

How dare you have three children and expect daytime nookie, OP 😂😂

Seriously if the kids are safe and occupied and aren't in danger of walking in then there's no problem.

Just keep trying. But remember with three kids it's always going to be a gamble. But surely the odds will be in your favour at some point.

The only thing YABU about is getting your entire kit off for a quickie. That's a waste of time!

TheSandman · 07/10/2019 01:21

FFS has no-one on Mumsnet heard of locks?

Why do so many people presume no-one has them on their bedroom doors?

If you haven't got locks, wedges work.

Well, if the door opens inward they do. One of our bedroom doors opens outwards and it's on the side of the house where my 17 yr old's room is. She regularly comes through our bedroom at ungodly hours of the night using it as a short cut to the upstairs bathroom - that puts a bit of a damper on things.

Icanflyhigh · 07/10/2019 01:26

Blimey there are some fun sponges on this thread!!

tympanic · 07/10/2019 01:44

For a second there I thought a “fun sponge” was a sex toy. Clearly it’s been a while...

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 07/10/2019 02:18

tympanic a fun sponge doesn't sound like a very enjoyable sex toy!

I'm up at stupid o clock. Watching WWE.
So I'm watching wrestling, creaming over tough guys GrinGrinGrinGrinGrin (sorry. I just had to get that out. I've been singing it in my head for the last couple of hours)

OP posts:
Catsinthecupboard · 07/10/2019 02:49

Good grief. This is a humorless, judgemental thread. Why bother to poke your nose in if you can't see the frustrated humor?

Sorry OP. I agree with @harls1969 it is worse when they get older.

We used to "do bills." Money was a source of frustration so dc did not want to be near us if we had to discuss money. They would go watch a movie downstairs.

We once burned a pie when we were "doing bills" before heading to my dm's with it. She complained but dh smugly said he LOVED burned pie. Grin

UndomesticHousewife · 07/10/2019 02:51

Omg some twats on this thread Grin it's like the op lined her kids up and started in front of them Hmm

When the dc are old enough to occupy themselves you take yourselves off to the bedroom and lock the door. Plenty of times dh and I have gone into the bathroom. Nothing will happen to the kids they don't actually know what's happening.

When they're teenagers you'll be having sex every time with them awake somewhere in the house as they never sleep!

Aldilogue · 07/10/2019 04:51

If my husband was upstairs putting his washing away, I’d want to give him a quickie too. Any housework really...

theretheirtheyrenotno · 07/10/2019 06:52

*@lulu49 there's another thread going about someone whose parents used to have sex so loudly she could hear everything. People are saying it was a form of abuse. Seems to be a theme on MN tonight. When it comes to sex - make sure your kids can neither see or hear you. Just basic decent parenting.

I really miss the days most ppl on mn were actually mums.*

Do you know the most sensitive part of a couples body when they're having a quickie? The ears! Op and her DH were totally able to hear the children! I would also argue that a quiet house in the middle of the night when parents were have full length rampant sex is more likely to be heard by a waking child than a quickie in the middle of the noisy day. So in terms of noise I don't understand your argument about noisy sex.

Some parents are abusive, these parents are not, you're just so hell bent on trying to justify why they're wrong based on one person on MN view if their parents having sex that it's utterly bizarre.

And as for.the days on MN when it was just mums??? Was that in the 1950s when women stopped having sex after they'd had children to avoid further pregnancies? When the DH was shagging his secretary?

Women in 2019 enjoy being mothers and having good fulfilling sex with their husbands! It's good, you should maybe try it?

theretheirtheyrenotno · 07/10/2019 06:53

Sorry @Lulu49 that should've tagged @RuffleCrow !

Sweetpeach3 · 07/10/2019 07:04

If the kids are settled take it whilst you can. It's only a quickie ffs and it's not Asif their babies to need your full attention 24/7. Tbh if mine are settled watching tv iv done it in the kitchen before 🙄 my bad. I know they won't move until I go in and disturb them but I could keep an eye on them so was a winner - I was clearly hid behind the counters and can see them on a reflectionoff my mirror and door an I only put my pants to the side so it was FINE!!!!!!! Couldn't see anything, didn't even look like sex an tbh my ex partner came before my pants even got to the side so was fuckin pointless some days....
but Them kind of accidents always happen an kill the moment but don't let it spoil future ones, like you said your 28 not 58. Enjoy it before your back goes or something 😂!!
Or get the kids to school. Both have a day off work and just have a lazy day and obviously lots of sex !
We used to get a baby sitter and go for a meal- book a hotel an get a takeaway"" Have a few hours peace an sex hahaha bliss

expatinspain · 07/10/2019 07:11

If the kids are settled take it whilst you can. It's only a quickie ffs and it's not Asif their babies to need your full attention 24/7. Tbh if mine are settled watching tv iv done it in the kitchen before 🙄 my bad. I know they won't move until I go in and disturb them but I could keep an eye on them so was a winner - I was clearly hid behind the counters and can see them on a reflectionoff my mirror and door an I only put my pants to the side so it was FINE!!!!!!! Couldn't see anything, didn't even look like sex an tbh my ex partner came before my pants even got to the side so was fuckin pointless some days Ok, so I'm all for a quickie in the bedroom or bathroom with the door closed, but that is a bit eww. Being able to see your kids while you have sex and them possibly seeing you through a mirror reflection is a step too far for me!! That wouldn't put me in the mood at all. That's a bit gross.