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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Lost child, what would you have done?

172 replies

Totaldogsbody · 05/10/2019 15:40

Ok so today I was out shopping in a mall near Glasgow. I saw a small boy running out of Primark he was around 3 yo no one with him. I looked around to see if he was with anyone but no one was paying attention to him I kept my eyes on him and he ran into a couple of shops and out again. I grabbed his hand, bent down and asked if he was lost, he went to run up the escalator so I grabbed him and sat down on the ground with him. He was in no way worried but he was obviously trying to get away from me arching his back and trying to get me to let go. Another woman and daughter approached me and asked if they could help I explained the situation and the daughter went to find a security guard which I was so thankful for. They thought that there was a woman in Primark looking for their child but there was no way I was able to take the child back over to the shop. The daughter came back and said the security guard was coming and she kindly went to Primark for the woman who was looking for her child.
All this took around 5 minutes but a group of people were forming around us, one man asked the boy if he was ok and I told him what happened, which was fine, eventually the woman came and got her son. All was well.

But here's the thing, I felt so guilty everyone was looking at me and the child and I'm sure it probably looked as if I was trying to abduct him, I actually felt a little threatened at the end of it and had to go for a cup of tea to help me calm down, maybe that's a little bit paranoid but I really was very nervous. The child's safety was paramount in my consideration, but I'm left thinking that we live in a society now where people may refuse to help a child in need because they are unsure of their own safety. My dh thinks its easier for a woman to help in these situations than a man because women are generally looked upon to be less threatening to a child. He isn't sure if he would've helped because he says he would probably have been arrested as it was obvious the child was trying to escape from me.

OP posts:

endofthelinefinally · 05/10/2019 15:45

I think you did the only thing you could do in that situation. You kept him safe and alerted the security guard.
I once spotted an obviously lost little girl in a shopping centre, but she was about 6, and looking upset and on the verge of tears. I got her to stand still next to me and asked another lady with a buggy to find a security guard. Her mum was located very quickly. That little girl was old enough to understand and cooperate though.
You did a good thing.

taytosandwich · 05/10/2019 15:47

Do you have children? Toddlers spend their entire lives trying to escape their parents, I wouldn't bat an eye if I saw that in the street.

GorkyMcPorky · 05/10/2019 15:47

I don't see what else you could've done and I wouldn't assume abduction! If anything comes of it (I'm sure it won't) there will be CCTV.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 05/10/2019 15:48

I think sadly your DH is correct. A man would almost certainly be assumed to be abducting the child. The best a man can do is ring the police and follow the child.

YDraig · 05/10/2019 15:48

You did fine but I don’t think the reaction from passerby is unusual.
I wouldn’t see it as threatening more like herd behaviour, all watching to ensure the little un stays safe and gets back to his mam.

AveAtqueVale · 05/10/2019 15:50

I would have assumed you were his mum. But then my two-year-old beats me round the head and screams 'I don't like you! Don't take me awayyyy!!!' when I attempt to take him anywhere against his will. So probably people think I'm abducting him anyway...

CarWreck · 05/10/2019 15:52

If I saw a man trying to keep a child in one place, a public place, I wouldn't assume at all he was doing anything wrong. If he was dragging the child off somewhere I might have a closer look.

DramaAlpaca · 05/10/2019 15:53

You did the right thing in that situation. If he'd gone up the escalator he could have got even more lost.

I lost my middle DS in a shopping centre once, when he ran off. He'd have been about three & was a little terror. It was probably the longest ten minutes of my life. I'd have been very grateful to you.

Reallybadidea · 05/10/2019 15:53

Well yes it would have been harder for your DH because statistically speaking men are far more likely to be a danger to children. Sucks for the massive majority of decent men, but that's the way it is. If I was a man in that situation I would probably try and point them out to a woman with children and alert security ASAP.

I think you did absolutely the right thing, well done. In an ideal world a security guard would have stayed with you to sort of reassure people that the situation was in hand, but I guess their main priority was finding mum.

ShirleyPhallus · 05/10/2019 15:54

You did the right thing

I saw a lost little boy on the underground once, he was completely teary, looking up at all the adults streaming past him with the hope that one was his mother

I did the same as you - crouched down, asked if he was lost, told him he was ok and took him to a security guard (about 5 metres away). We stood for a few minutes and then the mother ran over and yelled at me because she couldn’t find him . She was also shouting at him for wandering off then just took his hand and left, no thanks or anything. I assume she was just completely in shock and probably felt awful afterwards but I did think “you’re welcome!!”. I can see exactly what your DH means, would be very hard for a man to do that without people thinking he’s a perv

Inebriati · 05/10/2019 15:54

How many men have been prosecuted for helping a lost child?

So its embarrassing for to stand still with a struggling child and announce loudly that you need help. Any sensible person can sympathize with that. Why care what idiots think, to the point where you'd allow a child to come to harm?

HeyitsPorscha · 05/10/2019 15:55

You did a great thing by not ignoring this. Well done OP! If I was the child's mother I'd be so happy a stranger cared more about my child than what other people thought.

Uniformuniformuniform · 05/10/2019 15:55

You did the right thing. My daughter ran off and I couldn't see her and this was at school. People don't care. I was trying to get through with a push chair in the Ned please excuse me I can't find my daughter. They just stare at you like an alien and that you are rude for interrupting their chat on a walk way designed for people who can't use stairs! Luckily she was safe and a friend managed to grab her. But most people aren't interested or can't be bothered until it happens to them. You did the right thing OP and if I was the boys mum I would have been very greatful

Purpleartichoke · 05/10/2019 15:55

Holding still with him was perfect. You clearly weren’t trying to abduct him and it gave his parents, or another helper, time to arrive.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 05/10/2019 15:57

It happens a lot! Little kids are Houdini’s. I usually stage whisper loudly ‘hello there! Where's your mummy? Are you with daddy? Did they get lost? Oh dear - were you over there?..’ someone else usually joins in and we keep child from running off until parent / carer comes along (they always do).

I once had a long chat with small kid in a playground who had escaped from his mum in the park. He was chattering to a panic-stricken looking dad when I sat down (waiting for DS to finish a club) who was there with his own kids, so we tried to get a description of who he was with and flagged down the Parkie.

‘What does mummy look like?’
‘Oh she’s in a blue boy and headscarf. She has black hair. She has a pram with her. She’s very spotty...
‘Um spotty?’
‘Yeah, she’s got measles...’

vikkimoog · 05/10/2019 16:02

Why would anyone think you were trying to abduct him if you were just staying on the spot?

user1573334 · 05/10/2019 16:03

Good for you for stepping in. If I was in that situation I would have just picked the boy up and carried him in to Primark (if he wouldn't hold my hand that is).

BillHadersNewWife · 05/10/2019 16:03

I don't see why you sat on the ground? Maybe that's why people gathered?

Original poster

Totaldogsbody · 05/10/2019 16:05

I was quite shaken though and I know this is my own paranoia, nobody shouted or anything just taking in the scene, but, I did feel really uncomfortable and I shouldn't feel that way helping anyone in need. I just feel that we were better off years ago when no one would have thought twice about helping a child in need, as a society we are supposed to improve but it might be better if we were taking a step backward in certain areas of life to when things were easier.

OP posts:

Timandra · 05/10/2019 16:06

Has there ever been a case where someone has been arrested for keeping hold of a lost child while the parent is located?

Sagradafamiliar · 05/10/2019 16:09

What do you mean 'there was no way I was able to take the child back to the shop'?
You knew he'd come out of Primark so I'd have taken him back to Primark rather than keeping him restrained in the street and having others go back and forth. But alls well that ends well.

Original poster

Totaldogsbody · 05/10/2019 16:09

I had to sit on the ground because he was trying to get away from me and I didn't want to hold him by the hand too tightly in case I hurt him. Unfortunately that's when he took the opportunity to start arching his back to try and get away from me. I believe it is the done thing to bring yourself down to the level of the child so that you don't seem threatening to them.

OP posts:

SirGawain · 05/10/2019 16:10

You did the right thing!

KatyCarrCan · 05/10/2019 16:10

I think what you did was fine but I also think the reaction of the passersby was normal.
We found a child wandering in the street close to a busy park. I stopped and spoke to him. DH and DS (about age 5) were with me. When I did, others came over and said they thought he was lost too. (They'd been walking up the street behind him for over five minutes by that point) But none of them had acted.
The park was giant so there was no point, my wandering around when he had no idea which direction he'd come from. The people behind him said they saw him come from a playpark. The child said he'd come from the funfair. There's a museum in the park (less than 1 minute from where I found him) so I took him there because I knew they had a security guard and a lost child procedure. However, a lot of the people who hadn't wanted to get involved when he was wandering around lost, suddenly felt the need to follow us to the museum and speak to the security guard.
It seems people are loathe to get involved until another adult does and they're then judgemental. Ultimately you did the right thing and I'm sorry it made you feel anxious

missyB1 · 05/10/2019 16:11

I would be so grateful to you if it was my child. Its terrifying when you lose sight of them, happened to me in the park once. You absolutely did the right thing.

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