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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Lost child, what would you have done?

172 replies

Totaldogsbody · 05/10/2019 15:40

Ok so today I was out shopping in a mall near Glasgow. I saw a small boy running out of Primark he was around 3 yo no one with him. I looked around to see if he was with anyone but no one was paying attention to him I kept my eyes on him and he ran into a couple of shops and out again. I grabbed his hand, bent down and asked if he was lost, he went to run up the escalator so I grabbed him and sat down on the ground with him. He was in no way worried but he was obviously trying to get away from me arching his back and trying to get me to let go. Another woman and daughter approached me and asked if they could help I explained the situation and the daughter went to find a security guard which I was so thankful for. They thought that there was a woman in Primark looking for their child but there was no way I was able to take the child back over to the shop. The daughter came back and said the security guard was coming and she kindly went to Primark for the woman who was looking for her child.
All this took around 5 minutes but a group of people were forming around us, one man asked the boy if he was ok and I told him what happened, which was fine, eventually the woman came and got her son. All was well.

But here's the thing, I felt so guilty everyone was looking at me and the child and I'm sure it probably looked as if I was trying to abduct him, I actually felt a little threatened at the end of it and had to go for a cup of tea to help me calm down, maybe that's a little bit paranoid but I really was very nervous. The child's safety was paramount in my consideration, but I'm left thinking that we live in a society now where people may refuse to help a child in need because they are unsure of their own safety. My dh thinks its easier for a woman to help in these situations than a man because women are generally looked upon to be less threatening to a child. He isn't sure if he would've helped because he says he would probably have been arrested as it was obvious the child was trying to escape from me.

OP posts:

Snoopdogsbitch · 05/10/2019 16:12

I think you did a very good thing but are completely over reacting about people thinking you were trying to abduct the child. Do you normally have social anxiety? I don't reckon anyone thought you were abducting a child, so rest assured you were not in the wrong.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 05/10/2019 16:15

My DH was out for a run at school kick out time and came across a little one from the nursery just wandering down the busy main road a good quarter mile from the school. DH kept the kiddy from going in the road and asked an elderly woman who happened to be in her front garden for back up.

They set off to take him back to nursery and one of the nursery staff came running down the road, was very abrupt to DH and the lady, shouted at the kid for running off, then bundled him off back to nursery.

We suspect he escaped while the staff were distracted with some kids going home at end of school time. Either way, the incident was never mentioned again and nothing was ever said to DH by any of the staff (we had an older one at the school and DH was well known) or by the child’s parents. In fact we wonder whether they ever knew their child had escaped.

Justaboy · 05/10/2019 16:16

Total dogs.

You did absoluty the right thing. And as a bloke i would have done the same and if anyone thought i might be a peado or other wiredo after or during the event then i don't give a shit. I'm a parent and there is nothing worse that a young child who isnt where their supposed to be.

And if that were my child i'd be very gratfull for you doing what you did and not standing or passing by!

minesagin37 · 05/10/2019 16:16

I once lost my dd (6)in a shopping centre and was so thankful another woman spotted her and steered her to help. The child's safety is paramount so do not worry what someone else may think.

toansweryourquestionyes · 05/10/2019 16:19

You did the right thing OP.

Hope the Mum was grateful.

WorraLiberty · 05/10/2019 16:20

You know you did the right thing and I'm pretty sure everyone here would have done exactly the same.

With regards to men, yes sadly they are viewed with more suspicion so most men I know would grab the nearest passer-by to be a witness.

LemonPrism · 05/10/2019 16:23

Well staying with them and staying where they were is the best plan. CCTV would show you weren't trying to take them anywhere, just keeping them from harm.

I 100% agree that a woman is more able to help. DP would think about it whereas women would generally just help no question as they are viewed with far less suspicion. Which is fair tbh, men commit most crimes

zen1 · 05/10/2019 16:23

My autistic DS wandered off in a ASDA superstore a few years ago and a lady intercepted him going out of the main entrance into the car park. She brought him back to customer services. I was so grateful because he wasn’t a toddler (8 years old) so many people would easily have ignored it. You did a really good thing OP.

Nearlyalmost50 · 05/10/2019 16:25

I don't think you are over-anxious at all. There are so many posts on here about people being arsey if anyone touches their child, there is always a possibility someone might misunderstand what you are doing or the parent gets touchy (especially as they have let the child out of their sight), Stepping in is taking a social risk and I don't know why everyone is trying to make out it's completely normal and everyday to have to restrain a child who is lost and running about.

I once saw a small child running towards the road with traffic going past. I just put out my hand and stopped them (physically), I just decided I'd rather risk being shouted at by a stroppy parent than see a child get hit by a car in front of me. Luckily the parent was really grateful.

Not everyone is nice and polite and grateful for intervention with kids or indeed out in public, I don't know why everyone is being so disingenuous about it.

Original poster

Totaldogsbody · 05/10/2019 16:27

@Snoopdogbitch
Sorry I didnt mean for it to sound like people thought I was abducting him I know that's my own paranoia but I think people have stopped becoming involved in such cases because they worry that's what other people think. I hate to think that I would leave a lost child because I was worried that other folk thought I was doing wrong. Thats actually my point I'm heartened by the responses I've been getting that people still help out, I just feel there are people who like the people in the park walk behind the child watching from afar rather than approach them because they are afraid of repercussions for themselves.

OP posts:

raspberryk · 05/10/2019 16:28

Yes you did the right thing, but I wonder why you didn't stop them running out of Primark in the first place/ took them to the security guard/customer service desk.
I stopped a child running off in Primark (it's a nightmare shop with kids tbf) and i picked said child up (so child and mum could see each other at height over the rails) luckily heard a mum shouting them and I shouted back where we were and they were easily identified as related due to ethnicity. She was thankful and didn't seem worried I didn't have my kids with me. Surprising how many ignored the whole situation though.

mnthrowaway2099 · 05/10/2019 16:29

I don’t know what I would have done, I would have probably phoned the police or shopping centre (so they can immediately contact security etc) rather than wait for someone else/the parent to approach me

Splodgetastic · 05/10/2019 16:29

I have helped before, but I wouldn’t do it these days. I don’t have children so it would be perceived as odd, I think. I tend to avoid children altogether to be honest.

pamperramper · 05/10/2019 16:30

One time I was walking into the church car park after church. There was a toddler running around. Obviously a dangerous situation, with cars driving off. 2 women next to me said - he must be lost, someone should do something. But they did nothing. I caught him and found his dad. Gobsmacked that the 2 women were happy to do nothing.

MonChatEstMagnifique · 05/10/2019 16:30

As others have said, you did the right thing. This is one of those times when you have to put what other people may have thought of you out of your mind. They probably were not thinking anything bad of you but if they were, who cares, the child was the priority.

WheelDecide · 05/10/2019 16:33

I found a child once and if I remember rightly I called the police and hung onto the child as I didn't want any repercussions. The mother was not remotely grateful and cross I'd called the police.

Of course you did the right thing

pamperramper · 05/10/2019 16:33

Of course you have to help the child. What kind of person sees a small child who is obviously lost and does nothing? This has happened to me several times, and I've always taken the child's hand and found the parent.

TheFormidableMrsC · 05/10/2019 16:35

You did exactly the right thing OP. I've been helped in the past. Both my kids ran off as toddlers, at the speed of light...and there is nothing more terrifying. I was so grateful to those who assisted. You do get some idiots out there though, I once found a very small child looking very lost in our town centre, he couldn't have been quite two years old. I hung onto him for what seemed like ages before mum appeared and she just snatched him away, gave me a filthy look and stomped off. No "thanks" at all. Anything could have happened. Don't worry about what anybody else thinks, you did the right thing. Go pour yourself a large one

WheelDecide · 05/10/2019 16:35

I tend to avoid children altogether to be honest. Slightly ironic you're on Mumsnet.

Barchester · 05/10/2019 16:36

OP I think that you did a really good and responsible thing, unlike so many people who would just walk by, either ignoring the situation or expecting somebody else to assist. If a caring person like you had come to the assistance of James Bulger, when he was obviously in distress (as came out in the evidence in the trial), he would not have been murdered. Well done.

Pollydocket · 05/10/2019 16:36

There was a story I read about a toddler who escaped nursery, a man drove past him. Quiet country lane.

Didn’t want to intervene as he was worried about being labelled.

The little one drown in a pond☹️

pamperramper · 05/10/2019 16:36

Calling the police is over the top, at least for the first 10 minutes, and must be very stressful for the parent. Do you really think there would be repercussions for holding a lost child's hand in public? What rubbish.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 05/10/2019 16:36

If you were trying to abduct him you were doing a very bad job of it sitting in the one place in a very public area!!

Honestly... Nobody thought you were abducting the child. Most people it seems offered assistance. Others just had a nosey and kept going. Nobody is at home this evening worrying about the struggling child and the stranger! People wouldn't even know the child didn't know you.

CaptainMyCaptain · 05/10/2019 16:38

I once found a child aged about 5 on the street crying outside our hotel in Madeira, another woman came over but our husbands were both reluctant to get involved. I said I wasn't going to let a child get lost on a busy street because I was too worried about what people thought, other woman agreed. The child didn't speak English but I eventually discovered she was French and managed to establish she was staying in our hotel but no more detail. Then she started saying 4 (in French) so we took her to the fourth floor and she found her room. Mum was there but cross as dad was supposed to be looking after her.

1forAll74 · 05/10/2019 16:38

Everything that you managed to do,was perfect in my view. And people always gather around when something unusual happens.(and hopefully not getting their phones out) an addiction with many people !
You saved the day,so to speak,that's the only thing you should think about.

But it's a shame.that many men would refrain from doing the same thing. Maybe they would only react if it was a street scene situation, if they saw a small child bolting off a pavement,into a busy road etc.

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