Lost child, what would you have done?

[Totaldogsbody]

Ok so today I was out shopping in a mall near Glasgow. I saw a small boy running out of Primark he was around 3 yo no one with him. I looked around to see if he was with anyone but no one was paying attention to him I kept my eyes on him and he ran into a couple of shops and out again. I grabbed his hand, bent down and asked if he was lost, he went to run up the escalator so I grabbed him and sat down on the ground with him. He was in no way worried but he was obviously trying to get away from me arching his back and trying to get me to let go. Another woman and daughter approached me and asked if they could help I explained the situation and the daughter went to find a security guard which I was so thankful for. They thought that there was a woman in Primark looking for their child but there was no way I was able to take the child back over to the shop. The daughter came back and said the security guard was coming and she kindly went to Primark for the woman who was looking for her child.
All this took around 5 minutes but a group of people were forming around us, one man asked the boy if he was ok and I told him what happened, which was fine, eventually the woman came and got her son. All was well.

But here's the thing, I felt so guilty everyone was looking at me and the child and I'm sure it probably looked as if I was trying to abduct him, I actually felt a little threatened at the end of it and had to go for a cup of tea to help me calm down, maybe that's a little bit paranoid but I really was very nervous. The child's safety was paramount in my consideration, but I'm left thinking that we live in a society now where people may refuse to help a child in need because they are unsure of their own safety. My dh thinks its easier for a woman to help in these situations than a man because women are generally looked upon to be less threatening to a child. He isn't sure if he would've helped because he says he would probably have been arrested as it was obvious the child was trying to escape from me.

You did the right thing, well done. Had you not intervened the consequences could have been much much worse.
Your right - we live in a judgemental society but you know what happened today and thats all that matters.

OP, that's a brilliant way to have done it, I'll remember this for the future.

Thirty odd years ago, I was in town with my mum and little brother. There was a kid lost and crying outside WHS. My mum stopped and asked the kid if they needed help. The mother ran out of the shop, grabbed the kid and was rude to my mum. Mum was a teacher, she was taken aback and it shook her confidence a bit (back to her old self in no time though). The mum seemed to mistake my mum got an abductor, even though she clearly had my brother and I with her, holding her hands. It was probably panic on the mums side, but it didn't make my mum question whether she should ever try to help again because it's horrid to be accused falsely.

Sitting down and asking someone else to get a security guard is a fantastic idea and I'll definitely consider that. Usually I crouch down and ask a kid if they're lost and can they remember where they saw mummy or daddy and what were they wearing etc, usually someone will come up to us and either claim the child or help.

I think you did great op well done-to the pp having a go bore off

We once found a young child wandering along at a shopping mall. So we followed him a long way to make sure he was safe and he did fund his way back to his parents who did not seem in the slightest bit worried. We had followed him for about 20 mins. As a mother I would always be thankful for someone to step in and keep my child safe if they lost me.
I've grabbed a fair few children running out of supermarkets as they make their getaways. I don't judge, mine have gotten past me once or twice two. It's terrifying!

I had a slightly similar situation. I was in a local retail park and a child came running out, about 2, I saw he was running towards the road so through shear instinct I grabbed him. A few seconds later the parents came dashing out. Have to admit to a moment of panic, as in what the hell does this look like, but fortunately the parents were very grateful and it apparently was not the first time he had done that. I did think to mention reins but just wanted to get away from the situation. I don't know whether I was shaking because I basically saved this kid's life or because I was terrified of being accused of all sorts"

I just can't imagine passing a child I thought was lost and have intervened on occasion. If dh sees a lost child he would ask passers by to help him at the same time but no way would either of us pass by.

You did the right thing keeping the child safe and out of trouble

I can't believe that anyone wouldn't do exactly the same thing

I'm always shocked by people who are too scared to look after a lost child

Personally I would send them to jail for neglecting their commosense and humanity !!!

You did a good thing. I lost sight of dc once, or rather my PIL did. They turned their backs while i went to the loo and dh to get a table ordered for tea.

So thankful for the man that found him. He stayed with dc and called out out if anyone had lost a child. Was less impressed with the other man who let toddler dc out of the restaurant in the first place, who opens the door to let a toddler wander out?!

If you see a child at immediate risk from harm ( Lone 3 or 5 year old, unclaimed for 5 minutes would fall into that category) call the police.

I think you did great but I can see why you were so upset. Sitting him down made sure everyone could see you weren't taking him somewhere against his will.

Your instinct was the child's safety and thankfully you reacted, others may not have for the exact reasons you describe. Anyone in your shoes, with an awareness of how things can be perceived by others, would feel exactly the same. You have a conscience, that's why it's playing on your mind, just keep reminding yourself that you did what you thought was right and it ended well. If anyone should feel guilty it's the parents, not you xx

I've got out of a car (passenger) at a crossroads to pick up a 4 year old out of the road before. Cars were swerving around him. His older brother, around 8, was further down the road on his bike and came back to us. I gave him an earful about watching his younger sibling more closely, but it wasn't really his fault.

Also took a reception aged kid from dc's school back to the office when I spotted him edging towards the gate.

And returned a cycling 5 year old back to the playground when I spotted him leaving the park and by trying to cycle across the one way system. He apparently was on his way home to fetch his trumpet to show someone. His mum was beside herself looking for him in the park but hadn't thought he had left it.

I'd rather someone shouted at me for interfering than stand by and do nothing and risk a child coming to harm.

A similar thing happened to me by the time the mum noticed and got to the security desk she was making a fuss kicking off about something then I heard some women say oh my god did she try and take him! (Me!!!)

I think you did exactly the right thing and I’m pretty sure I would’ve done exactly as you had.

I’m also pretty sure I would feel exactly the same way you did afterwards too!
I also agree with your husband that him doing the same might not have been the right thing for him to do - sadly. In this day and age, I think he would be judged completely differently.
I think, if I was ever in this situation (or a decent, honest man, alone but trying to help) I’d try and gather as much help, loudly, from others around me. Make a bit of a thing and tell lots so it’s obvious/proof that you are genuinely trying to help & you’re not trying to do anything untoward.
Well done for helping! Thank goodness for people like you in the world! I hope the mother was eternally grateful to you! Who knows what could’ve happened x

Well done you. I would have done exactly the same, i'm sure the mum was very grateful i know i would have been.

I was on a very busy beach on the Isle of Wight a few years ago, little 2yr old had obviously wandered away from his family. I watched him for over 30mins before I got involved, all the while scanning the crowd for anyone paying him any attention (not a soul that I could see!). In the end I scooped him up and stood turning in a circle so that if someone was looking for him we were visible. Again no one even looked in our direction. At this point I’m furious - 2yrs old, in just a nappy and any sun cream he may have had on was very much gone (he was in and out of the sea - which really worried me). I took him up to the lifeguard hut and explained the situ and they put out a tannoy. Mum finally turns up - she was a 10min walk up the beach from where I’d found him! I didn’t get a thank you, I got a mouthful of abuse about “abducting” her child Lifeguard stepped in and asked her how it was that her child had been out of her care for over an hour at this point and she hadn’t noticed until a tannoy was put out? It was really upsetting for me and I often wonder about the boy and what become of him but it has never put me off stepping in to help. I’d rather brush off an accusation of abduction (easily proved false) than watch a child in distress or in a dangerous situation that I know I could prevent. To be honest I’d be worried if someone didn’t confront me or at least ask what was going on - that’s how kids go missing. Everyone assumes it’s none of their business. You did exactly the right thing OP & whilst it shook you up I hope you know that I would have been beyond grateful to you had it been my escaping 3yr old

@Puzzledbyart where did you do the abduction training?

I am just remembering watching a toddler slowly wondering along the shore line on a busy beach and then suddenly turning towards the sea. They started paddling and then just kept on going until they were submerged. It all happened suddenly but serenely. Their mum appeared just at that moment and hauled them out by the scruff of their neck. The mum stood and held her LO in her arms for what seemed like forever. I found myself shaking and silently crying and holding onto my LO. It was such a close call.

Of course you are shaken OP, but you did the right thing.

OP I’d have been grateful for you if my child had gotten lost. I agree it’s easier for women but that’s just a sad fact of life. I hope the parent was grateful.

OP remember the Jamie bugler case? A lady saw the boys walking Jamie away? I bet she wishes she’d stopped them. You did the right thing.

@fairfat. That poor women. She’ll still be haunted and tormented by that.
Even though no blame at all lies with her. She wasn’t to know what was going to happen to poor little James.
Denise has always said “She’s never blamed the witnesses

Someone called the police on my dh once for kidnapping our son. They are different races and our ds has special needs and was melting down. I was also approached one by a security gaurd after 30 minutes of him watching me have my hair ripped out, glasses broken, and phone smashed trying to leave a building with my then 3 yo ds. It was stressful.

You did the right thing.. causing a scene or not.

Men do occasionally get it worse and I’m sure one bad experience either to them or a friend puts them right off helping again which is sad.

Witnessed it recently at a party with dp, toddler under 2 was bombing about all evening mostly on the dance floor with kids but running round everyone in general. The loos were out in the main hallway through double doors so they were practically opened every 20seconds. On one occasion dp was walking back along the corridor seen toddler, picked him up had him laughing by making silly noises to keep him calm so he wasn’t dragging a screaming child back, he got in and went to ask one of the older family members who mummy was.. mummy appeared and acted like he’d taken her ds for a pint n a fag and that he was fine and didn’t need strangers grabbing him (corridor leads to steep stairs which again lead to a main road). Later on, obviously family had just plonked him back in the room between this, I met him at the bloody stairs bumming his way down.. I picked him up, heavily pregnant hg had me outside trying to find cold air, and carried him back in and I was met with his mum calling him a “cheeky monkey” and thanking me for finding him.. because I had a fanny or a bump I was instantly not a dangerous stranger.

The abduction training thing is clever but I know of a local man who has this trouble with his ds, gay couple not bio dad adopted child, who whenever the child’s throwing a wobbler he screams “you’re not my dad leave me alone”.. Rare case but you can picture the looks he gets for it.

You did good OP.

It’s sad that people are afraid to help these days in case they get in trouble.

I remember the woman who saw Jamie Bulger go by with those children and even at the time I knew my own mother (she'd be in her 90s if alive) would have interfered/asked what was happening. Her generation (or maybe just her) had no problem doing that. I'm not sure I would have - maybe I would and maybe I wouldn't. Either way it is tragic what happened.

I've done the same as you OP with lost children in a shopping center. Dh and I were together one time but only I noticed that this 3-4 year old was clearly on his own and about to become distraught. I do think women/mothers are often more attuned to this. Dh is attuned to different stuff though that I might miss.

I've found a few lost toddlers and never had a thanks when a mum turns up, just ignored or nasty looks. Once was in a theme park and one of the attendants was with me as we struggled to help a screaming child. Mum turns up, grabs the child by the wrist and storms off. The attendant was a teenager and I then had to reassure her that it was fine as she was upset.
I would still rather try to help as it's not the DC fault if they have ignorant parents. You did the right thing.