Lost child, what would you have done?

[Totaldogsbody]

Ok so today I was out shopping in a mall near Glasgow. I saw a small boy running out of Primark he was around 3 yo no one with him. I looked around to see if he was with anyone but no one was paying attention to him I kept my eyes on him and he ran into a couple of shops and out again. I grabbed his hand, bent down and asked if he was lost, he went to run up the escalator so I grabbed him and sat down on the ground with him. He was in no way worried but he was obviously trying to get away from me arching his back and trying to get me to let go. Another woman and daughter approached me and asked if they could help I explained the situation and the daughter went to find a security guard which I was so thankful for. They thought that there was a woman in Primark looking for their child but there was no way I was able to take the child back over to the shop. The daughter came back and said the security guard was coming and she kindly went to Primark for the woman who was looking for her child.
All this took around 5 minutes but a group of people were forming around us, one man asked the boy if he was ok and I told him what happened, which was fine, eventually the woman came and got her son. All was well.

But here's the thing, I felt so guilty everyone was looking at me and the child and I'm sure it probably looked as if I was trying to abduct him, I actually felt a little threatened at the end of it and had to go for a cup of tea to help me calm down, maybe that's a little bit paranoid but I really was very nervous. The child's safety was paramount in my consideration, but I'm left thinking that we live in a society now where people may refuse to help a child in need because they are unsure of their own safety. My dh thinks its easier for a woman to help in these situations than a man because women are generally looked upon to be less threatening to a child. He isn't sure if he would've helped because he says he would probably have been arrested as it was obvious the child was trying to escape from me.

You did the right thing , like other pp I would rather have a screaming parent at me than risk a childs safety.

My DP would say the same as your dh but would still do it ( and I hope most Male parents would ). In fact he has , walking in London a year or so ago when a child shot out from a doorway on his own and headed to the road. Out of pure instinct he put his arm out and stopped him. Fortunately the mother was just grateful but he was a bit worried at the time.

I struggle with parents who would scream and shout. An abductor is unlikely to have stayed around and stopped in a public area. It's my belief its usually embarrassment on the parents part but it's really not on to start having a go unless there is a genuine belief (like they are leading a child to an exit ) .

Ds1 once legged it totally unexpectedly just after ds1 and I came put of hospital after a traumatic birth. It meant although I pelted after him I was slower than usual. Had ds1 in the pram and he managed to for some God only knows what reason (he was three so being rational wasn't likely ) head to the ladies loo where there was a long line ( a day festival type thing).

I yelled " please dont let him get past you " ( if he had got in the actual room I'd have had to leave the pram unattended out of my sight as it was too big to fit in , or beg ds1 to come out (not a chance in hell that was going to work.

Now I realise it wasn't these other women's responsibility but all they literally had to do was stand in one place. Three of them literally moved to one side to let him pass (yes they absolutely heard me).

I was panicking ds 1 was out of my sight , I couldn't see whether he could get out the other side ( turns out he could have,,) (ok , stupid hormones fine, it had been a hell of a couple of months..ds2 had been born really early and had been in NICU while I was in ICU, I claim fair wussiness there).

Finally a bloody brilliant woman strode up , with a voice that instantly makes you wish to pull your socks up and fly right said " I've got your youngest ...look I have a son right here I promise I'm a mum too I will keep talking so you can hear me and you know I haven't gone anywhere. Get your boy".. I legged it into the bathroom (one of the women refused to let me step past and stood still...my saviour yelled "bloody hell dont be ridiculous you can see she's trying to get her son" which moved the woman. I grabbed ds1 who was just trying to exit the other side and into a massive throng of people I'd never have found him in ( and who was grounded for pretty much ever ) and dashed out, burst into tears thanking her. She smiled hugged me and told me we had all been there. She said she could see how young ds1 was and it would get better. Promptly boomed to the waiting queue " you should be all ashamed of yourselves , I hope noone helps you when you are struggling " and toddled off.

Now , I'm fully aware those women didn't need to help me but it is sad these at least 7 women in the queue didn't help , at all, and actively caused a problem. I do think this woman was a little harsh but I've often told the story of her, she had no idea the hell we had just been through and I was eternally grateful. As stupid as it sounds , after 8 weeks in NICU and 3 weeks in icu I was petrified of either child being out of my sight.

OP as uncomfortable as you felt at the time I bet that mother is eternally grateful to you...hold on to that

Sounds hectic. I’m certain no one thought that at all. You did the right thing. You know you did and you can sleep well knowing that.

My ds aged 2 once took off at speed down a corridor to an extra exit door in a restaurant. I was haring down after him. A guy at the door opened the fucking door to him - a toddler! With a woman in hot pursuit and straight onto a busy street. I managed to give him a filthy look what the actual fuck look as I carried ds back into the restaurant.

Shiny, I don't think that wonderful woman was harsh at all. I also think the oblivion to what is going on around you is worse now that everyone is on their phones constantly. The rapture could happen and half the world disappear and the other half would have missed what happened because they were on their phones. Still less a toddler legging it or a lost child.

You did the best you could to safeguard the child, more than the woman did. Afraid your DH is right, suspicion automatically on a male approaching a child these days. Have an elderly male neighbour who since his dog died won't go out for a walk as he feels he would be viewed with suspicion. We live in awful times with very little trust in people.

I lost DD2 in a garden centre (only for about 2 minutes). A helpful woman said, "have you lost a little blonde girl?" I clearly wasn't thinking properly and instead of thanking her and immediately retrieving DD2, I said "I think her hair is brown, not blonde."

Obviously, in hindsight, that was a particularly stupid reaction. I assume some of the other weird reactions to people who have found lost children are because they are completely engrossed with worry and forget their manners as a result.

Sometimes guilt (about losing child) comes out as anger.

OP, Thank you. You did great. And my dh would have felt as yours does.

We need to realize, as a society, we have moved away from religion without replacing it with a good substitution. We no longer seem to have patience for people who are trying to do the right thing.

I have been collecting old books recently and they often have/had stories with moral dilemmas like this that are supposed to help guide us in everyday life. I think, writing this, that the stories also told us how to respond to someone who tries to help.

My grandfather was born early last century. He knew that there was evil about; there always has been. But what we have lost is our kindness, patience and humanity towards our peers. We need to find our way to a middle ground.

@shinyletsbebadguys I am so sorry for your experience and I do NOT think your helper was unduly harsh. I would have said the same thing!

You did more then I would op. If the child had tried to get away from me I would have let him go. Exdp works in security and has told how often innocent people trying to help get attacked and accused by worried parents that I wouldn’t put myself at risk.

You did the best thing but the problem is we live in a weird world where people are quick to judge.

Please tell your husband if he sees a lost child to help the child. If he is uncomfortable touching them, as a man, he can ask a nearby lady for assistance. But doing nothing is not an option. Which is worse - having to endure five minutes of worrying that people think you might be up to no good? Or a lost child getting hit by a car?

You did the best thing but the problem is we live in a weird world where people are quick to judge.

No i don’t think it’s always judgement. There’s been some truly horrific stories and people are more aware and concerned than in previous times

I used to work in a shop in my teens and we had loads of lost kids in.

You did the right thing OP.

One wee man I still remember tugged my skirt and said "Here Missus. Do you know where my Mummy is?" Swiftly walked to security and said Mummy who was shopping away seemingly unaware was heralded. I was 17 and disgusted with her.

I've helped 2 lost children in recent years reunite with their parent. Once in a large supermarket and the other time at an outdoor fair. I don't give a shit of any perceived risk that people might think I'm up to no good just by dint of being male. The safety of the child and the anguish of their parent is far more important. Besides, if you use your common sense I think that risk is grossly over-egged and just an excuse for people to do nothing instead of trying to help.

It should be natural to intervene. I've only once lost my DD and it was terrifying for us at least, she found her way to a cafe and was happily eating sweets unaware of any fuss! I think though I'd be very wary though I'm sure it was on here about a dad who had his child taken and he was then beaten by a group who thought he was abducting his own child.

Think the people were probably concerned about the kid , and maybe u miscontrued / felt that panic in the form of intimidation when really it was the mum who should have had her etc on him though toddlers are said to go through the terrible 2's and 3's for a reason (cos they are small dictators that are likely to explode into rage at any given point).

My dad saw a little boy wander off on his own but he didn't dare approach him for the reasons you have stated. He kept an eye on him and when the mother became apparent, he pointed him out to her in the distance. I'm not sure what he would have done if he'd gone out of sight.

I can tell you rght now that i felt nothing but gratitude for the older man who stopped my almost 3 year old from exiting a shopping centre - said child had snuck off because he was upset at not being allowed to choose a toy for himself when were looking for a gift for his friend. Alhough i was so relieved to find him that I burst into tears and completely neglected to thank him. He then stopped and spoke to me when i was drinking a much needed nerve calming tea and i thanked him and apologised for not thanking him earlier.

I lost my child in a shop. I could hear him talking to himself then suddenly I couldn’t. The staff could not have cared less. I ran outside and a man was standing there waiting for his wife but of course didn’t see anything. I finally saw him walking towards me with a woman who was calling the police (she said). She said he had gone up to her in the shop and said he could find his mummy. Why she took him out of the shop I don’t know. I was grateful but so upset (this was just after the Mcann situation) and I was rather suspicious why she would take him outside. The shop was not huge I would have taken him to the counter staff first. Anyway, there are always a chance something underhand is going on but I think most people would assume the child was having a tantrum and the stranger was the parent trying to deal with it.

"Rightly so we teach our children not to talk to strangers etc*

I'd say this is terrible advice to give a child. It means you are cutting off an important avenue of possible hp for them if they get into trouble. Better advice is to tell them it is ok to ask a stranger for help if they need itbut not to go anywhere with them. Also to explain which strangers they should pick to ask for help if lost etc, eg policemen/ security guards, staff in shops, women with children etc

Do you know what I have taught my kids? The difference between a hi-vis jacket and an actual uniform. I've also shown them a security guard in comparison to a real police officer. To kids, anyone in something vaguely official looking is a person o f authority...v important to let them know that a suit or a hi-vis jacket don't make someone "safe'. It's because one day my DD who was about 4 pointed to a workman and said "look a policeman"

I've done the same thing, saw an obviously lost/unaccompanied child. Stayed where we were & held their hand, knew the mother would find us eventually, she had been in a nearby shop (big shopping centre). I didn't want to walk away anywhere with the child in case it looked like I was trying to take him. It ended well, mum was a bit teary but thankful. I can't walk away from things like this, all it takes is for the wrong person to be there & take advantage of a situation, if I see something I have to step in to help.

I was in a small local shopping centre noticed a little girl wandering on her own, I went over and asked her where her mama was, she didn't say anything but continued to wander, at that point a man came over, I'm not sure if he'd only just seen her ir had been watching but the little girl was asian and so he started asking where her mum was in Punjabio

We ended up sort of sitting / squatting by her asking her where mum was, then a guy came out of a shop, picked the child's hand and wandered off. Me and the other good samaritan just looked at each other.

OP you did the right thing.

Has anyone else ween the 'slow clap' used in some countries?

You prevented the child from coming to any danger. There are millions of mums who would want someone like you to be there in this scenario. You should feel very proud as it’s hard to put yourself out there sometimes in this type of scenario.