Lost child, what would you have done?

[Totaldogsbody]

Ok so today I was out shopping in a mall near Glasgow. I saw a small boy running out of Primark he was around 3 yo no one with him. I looked around to see if he was with anyone but no one was paying attention to him I kept my eyes on him and he ran into a couple of shops and out again. I grabbed his hand, bent down and asked if he was lost, he went to run up the escalator so I grabbed him and sat down on the ground with him. He was in no way worried but he was obviously trying to get away from me arching his back and trying to get me to let go. Another woman and daughter approached me and asked if they could help I explained the situation and the daughter went to find a security guard which I was so thankful for. They thought that there was a woman in Primark looking for their child but there was no way I was able to take the child back over to the shop. The daughter came back and said the security guard was coming and she kindly went to Primark for the woman who was looking for her child.
All this took around 5 minutes but a group of people were forming around us, one man asked the boy if he was ok and I told him what happened, which was fine, eventually the woman came and got her son. All was well.

But here's the thing, I felt so guilty everyone was looking at me and the child and I'm sure it probably looked as if I was trying to abduct him, I actually felt a little threatened at the end of it and had to go for a cup of tea to help me calm down, maybe that's a little bit paranoid but I really was very nervous. The child's safety was paramount in my consideration, but I'm left thinking that we live in a society now where people may refuse to help a child in need because they are unsure of their own safety. My dh thinks its easier for a woman to help in these situations than a man because women are generally looked upon to be less threatening to a child. He isn't sure if he would've helped because he says he would probably have been arrested as it was obvious the child was trying to escape from me.

I work in retail and my experience is that most people are aware of little children wandering around who could be lost, I’ve been made aware of children many many times who appear to have wandered off.

In the majority of cases the parent is totally oblivious which is sad as they’re too busy shopping and aren’t paying attention, these parents don’t seem to be horrified either when we do reunite them
I had an incident recently where I was entertaining a two year old boy for about ten minutes while our security tried to locate his carer, a lady brought him in to me as she’d found him wandering outside our store shouting for his mummy, turned out his mum was shopping in the makeup dept and had no idea he’d wandered off, when the security guard asked for her details as he needed to fill a report in she gave us both loads of abuse and refused.

If course toddlers can be little terrors when you’re out and some parents are horrified and so upset if they lose them but where I work overwhelmingly they don’t seem too fussed

@WheelDecide, not really. I planned to have children but it didn’t work out. I find that a lot of people are not that accepting of people without children being around children. Anyway, lots of people without children are on Mumsnet as there are lots of forums, such as Style and Beauty, that are not child related at all.

I think that it was fine as there were others helping & you weren't trying to take the child anywhere.

I'm sure your husband or another man would be fine in the same/similar circumstances-arrested for what??!!

That really sounds like a reason/excuse not to get involved.

Yes, well done OP you did the right thing. I know from experience that trying to find an adult in the Glasow Primark (even when you are on the phone to each other) is a pain in the ass - losing a kid in there must be horrible. And, though it made you uncomfortable, I think the group of people who gathered did the right thing too.

Last year I was in a local supermarket where someone had lost a toddler. Everyone pulled together and searched. The child was eventually found, asleep, behind a display stand. Just crawled in and fallen asleep.

nobody shouted or anything just taking in the scene, but, I did feel really uncomfortable and I shouldn't feel that way helping anyone in need. I just feel that we were better off years ago when no one would have thought twice about helping a child in need, as a society we are supposed to improve but it might be better if we were taking a step backward in certain areas of life to when things were easier.

You made sure a child was reunited with their parents, nobody said anything or accused you of anything, you’ve made up some scenario in your head about what people were thinking and concluded society today is much worse than it used to be?

People were looking because a child was having a tantrum. That’s all.

Your OH is probably right, but he could have grabbed a female passer by and asked them to help whilst he went to get the security guard who is always in primark.

I was I an airport on my own a few years ago, waiting in departures. I was trying to read my book but there was a 3-4 year old boy who was quite clearly restless and trying to test his boundaries, kept trying to move further and further away from dad and nan. He was told off a few times and told to play next to them. Both adults clearly distracted and not paying attention. After a while boy edged further and further away from them without them noticing. This made me really anxious so I tried to keep an eye on him as if they looked round now he’d gotten quite far away, he’d made his way across about 5 rows of seating before they noticed he wasn’t there, I saw the panic in their faces, and pointed where he was, as he would not have been easily spotted without as he was playing on the floor many rows away and it was a v busy departure lounge. The dad thanked me and ran off, but the nan shot me the biggest evil like I was some kind of predator. She should have been taking better care of watching her grandchild IMO, I felt like shouting over, “you’re welcome!” But left it. You totally did the right thing.

Mind you, I find myself less willing to help out people generally, as there is always a risk, especially in London. I was going to help an old man with his luggage at the station yesterday, but thought better of it in case I got a mouthful of abuse. Fortunately someone else did help him and he was very grateful.

You did the right thing. You didn't know where his parent/carer was or the situation. And you had to make an instant decision. If you'd walked away you'd have spent the rest of day worrying about it.

I think you feeling wobbly is the stress l, shock and relief it is resolved.

I once came across 3 children (all under 6yrs ols) in a city centre crossing a very busy road. I didn't know what to do but my instinct was to help.

Police were involved. It was all upsetting and I was unable to focus on anything else for days. And I still think about the children and have the drawings they did whilst we waited for the police.

You did the right thing, and I would be extremely grateful if you had done that for my child.

Dude you totally did the right thing. Having a sprinting toddler I’m glad there are good people like you about.

You did the right thing

Although I can’t understand the two women approached you to ask if they could help and why a crowd formed around you.

A toddler having a bit of a tizzy on a Saturday afternoon in a shopping centre is hardly a rare occurrence!

I did feel really uncomfortable and I shouldn't feel that way helping anyone in need

That’s your own issue. I have stayed with a lost kids a couple of times and I’ve never felt uncomfortable. What do you expect society to do to make you feel better?

I just feel that we were better off years ago when no one would have thought twice about helping a child in need

People do still help a child in need.

I think you’re just looking for a pat on the back, which is fine, just be more honest about it.

@TinklyLittleLaugh

Your dh should report that nursery

But it's a shame.that many men would refrain from doing the same thing. Maybe they would only react if it was a street scene situation, if they saw a small child bolting off a pavement,into a busy road etc.

Then it's instinct. I was once on the underground (I'm a man BTW) - years before I had kids of my own - and a toddler was heading for the doors as they were shutting - just about to step out of the carriage of a departing train - when I just found myself pulling her back. No decision making involved. Just across the carriage and grabbed her before I knew what I was doing. Mother grateful. Me slightly shocked at how hard wired people are to help each other.

With more time to consider any situation I would be more hesitant. If,for example, I saw a young girl in the street crying, my instincts (as a father of three) would be to go to her console her (with my daughters a consoling hug/backrub gesture would be automatic) - and find out if I could help. Faced with a stranger I would have to overide my instincts and be much more cautious. It's a difficult, shifting, situation. I can see why some men would hesitate to even approach putting themselves in a situation that could be so easily be misinterpreted

I was once driving down the street when a really little one, probably under two, wandered into the road in front of my car. I stopped and parked up (I had my own two little ones in the car) and a man jumped out of a nearby white van. He said he’d been watching the kid but was worried about intervening.

We both sort of shepherded the little one (who was very dirty and uncared for looking) back up the street. He wandered back in through the open door of an absolutely filthy house. I was worried about my own little kids left in the car so the white van man banged on the door of the house and said he would check someone was actually in (and fit to look after the child).

I drove home straight away and rang the police (it was pre ubiquitous mobiles) to tell them that a child seemed to be being neglected to the extent their life was in danger. Unfortunately I hadn’t noted the number of the house and the person on the other end of the phone was really rude and aggressive to me and basically said, “Well what are you expecting us to do?”

I said, “Well someone could go round and see what’s going on and knock on a few doors, or you could liase with social services to check for a problem household in that street. Or alternatively you could do nothing and wait for the child to be run over or abducted. Fortunately I have managed not to run over the child and white van man has managed not to abduct him, so I guess it’s down to you now.”

Never heard what happened but I do think about that poor little baby who was the same age as my own little ones. Just wanted to take him home and look after him properly really.

I stopped a desperately upset little boy, aged maybe 7/8 trying to escape from McDonald's

He was pulling so furiously on the exit door that he hadn't realised it was a push door, otherwise he'd have been out in the car park.
His dad had taken his little sister to the toilet but the boy thought they had just abandoned him! I sat him with us and that was nothing but rude to both myself and the child when he came back from the toilet.

I think it’s a strange reaction to be shaken and feel guilty.
In the situation I would have shouted for someone to help, not wait for someone to approach me.

You should be feeling positive that you were able to help, not negative and questioning yourself.

I think you did exactly the right thing and if it had been my child I would be very grateful to you for keeping him safe.

I think it's a good thing too though that people questioned what you were doing.

OP, you did the right thing. In a shopping centre nobody needs to worry about looking like an abductor, as the CCTV will show the child running off and an adult stopping them and getting help. I'm hugely grateful to the security guard at the Louvre who brought back DD1 when she bolted, another security guard and a kind lady who found DD2 hiding behind a tall display stand in Waterstone's, and the nice Glastonbury stewards who rescued DS and DD1 and gave them squash and biscuits after we got separated in the childrens' play area. I hope I thanked them all profusely.

I certainly wish someone had intervened when my grandparents lost me in the park where Jimmy Savile used to go jogging. Thankfully nothing bad happened, but who walks past two wailing children and a baby without stopping to help, even in the early 80s? I have the same horror of looking like a pervy weirdo if I helped a lost child, but morally, one just has to do it.

You did absolutely the right thing. Just because you saw him come out of Primark didn't mean his mum was in there, he could have been running around lost for quite a while and darting in and out of many shops.

I must have a friendly face, either that or it's because I'm somewhat short and the children think I'm one of them , because I've more than once been approached by a small child and told 'I've lost my mummy'. I would never not step in, and to hell with what anyone else might think about it. I know I'm not going to hurt the child, so they can think what they like. And the mums in question have always been grateful.

You did the right thing. The child was safer in one place with you than running around.

The people asking what was going on also did the right thing though. It was right that they wanted to know the child and you were ok.

It's when people don't look out for each other or turn a blind eye, that is the cause for worry.

I was once in M&S and there was a toddler, unattended, sliding out of his pushchair. The very basic sort with a t-strap, one bit around the waist and the other coming down between the legs. The leg bit had snapped and the child was hanging from the waist strap by the neck and screaming. I had a look around and nobody seemed to be with him so I proceeded to put my hands under his arms to pull him up. Instantly, a shrieking woman appeared from nowhere screaming at me to leave him alone as she would see to him. No word of thanks from saving her child from strangulation. Just a filthy look and off she went. Made me wish I hadn’t bothered tbh. ☹️

You did the right thing. Had that been my child I would have been most grateful. On those occasions where parents have been cross or not said thank you to those who had helped reunite them with their child, I wonder if it is just the shock that makes them act that way? I haven't lost my child yet as he's only two and I never let him out of my sight (PFB and all), but whenever he has injured himself a bit worse than the usual little bumps, I find myself absolutely livid because I get scared and think he's seriously hurt. It's irrational and I'm not angry at anyone in particular apart from maybe myself, and I find it very odd when it happens. For example, my son was mucking about with a duvet on the floor once and tumbled and fell face first into the skirting board. The fall looked really nasty and for a split second I thought he was dead. When he started crying and I checked him over and saw that he was fine, I was so so irritable. It must be the fright that winds me up, and perhaps those parents who momentarily lose their children get the same thing because they are so worried. Maybe later on when they have calmed down they think "oh, I really should have thanked them!"

Anyway, well done OP for helping the child!

You did the right thing OP.

I saw a crying 2 year old in a shopping center wandering on his own maybe 3 years ago and was just reminded of James Bulger. I didn't care if it looked weird-I picked him up and took him to the nearest shop and they called a security guard who came over. His sister came to collect him quickly.