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Original poster

Lost child, what would you have done?

172 replies

Totaldogsbody · 05/10/2019 15:40

Ok so today I was out shopping in a mall near Glasgow. I saw a small boy running out of Primark he was around 3 yo no one with him. I looked around to see if he was with anyone but no one was paying attention to him I kept my eyes on him and he ran into a couple of shops and out again. I grabbed his hand, bent down and asked if he was lost, he went to run up the escalator so I grabbed him and sat down on the ground with him. He was in no way worried but he was obviously trying to get away from me arching his back and trying to get me to let go. Another woman and daughter approached me and asked if they could help I explained the situation and the daughter went to find a security guard which I was so thankful for. They thought that there was a woman in Primark looking for their child but there was no way I was able to take the child back over to the shop. The daughter came back and said the security guard was coming and she kindly went to Primark for the woman who was looking for her child.
All this took around 5 minutes but a group of people were forming around us, one man asked the boy if he was ok and I told him what happened, which was fine, eventually the woman came and got her son. All was well.

But here's the thing, I felt so guilty everyone was looking at me and the child and I'm sure it probably looked as if I was trying to abduct him, I actually felt a little threatened at the end of it and had to go for a cup of tea to help me calm down, maybe that's a little bit paranoid but I really was very nervous. The child's safety was paramount in my consideration, but I'm left thinking that we live in a society now where people may refuse to help a child in need because they are unsure of their own safety. My dh thinks its easier for a woman to help in these situations than a man because women are generally looked upon to be less threatening to a child. He isn't sure if he would've helped because he says he would probably have been arrested as it was obvious the child was trying to escape from me.

OP posts:
Toomuchtrouble4me · 05/10/2019 17:40

I think you did the right think. I found a girl of 6 belting it down Oxford street, she'd lost her mum in a shop but had no idea which one. I stopped her because she was running and crying but I didn't know how far she'd ran. My BF at the time lifted her up and stood her on a post so her mum could see her if she came out and I stayed with her whilst BF scoured Oxford street for the mother. We didn't find her mum so he got a security guard who called the police and they took over, poor kid, she was from Stoke and they were in London for an xmas treat.

Puzzledbyart · 05/10/2019 17:43

As a mother of an escape artist, I am very grateful that people like you exist.
When I see a child fighting against an adult's authority, I assume it is a parent (of either sex). Child abductors tend to lure the children, not use brutal force in a public place.
I watched a series of videos about how easy it is to abduct a totally sensible child, promising to show a puppy in a van / throwing in a couple of familiar names. I was so impressed that I took my children to an anti-abduction training. The useful thing that they teach there is for the children to scream: "It is not my mum, I do not know this woman" if they need strangers' attention. What can I tell you, it indeed works.

MinTheMinx · 05/10/2019 17:43

Does anyone else remember the child who escaped unnoticed from nursery and drowned in a pond? A man had seen her walking down the road on her own but had been scared to do anything in case he was accused of abducting her. Sod what everyone else thinks. Always do what you know is right. You know you did the right thing OP.

MintyMabel · 05/10/2019 17:46

I think you’re just looking for a pat on the back, which is fine, just be more honest about it.

Agreed.

OfMe · 05/10/2019 17:50

HRTWT, but you absolutely did the right thing. We have 2 DSs with significant ASD, and the younger one is a runner. We keep a padlock and a lock on each of the exterior doors, as he has NO danger sense. However hard we try to keep him safe, though, there have been occasions when out of tiredness, one of us has forgotten to put one of the locks on, and he's gotten out into the garden, run off down the street to the local shop. The shop never do anything to stop him (it's on an A-road) and it's only down to the kindness of the neighbours and us running/driving as fast as we can to get to him, that nothing bad has happened so far. If I'd been the mother of that child I would have thanked you for grabbing them and keeping them safe. In fact, the last time it happened I sent a thank you card and a wee present to the neighbour and passer-by who helped us.

Gingerkittykat · 05/10/2019 17:51

You did the right thing, I was very grateful for the woman who helped my runaway 3 year old in a public place.

babybythesea · 05/10/2019 18:03

Another one saying you did the right thing.
We lost my 2 yo niece on a crowded beach with the tide coming in. The panic is like nothing else - what happens if she wanders into a little cranny in the rocks and the tide comes up....?? Two ladies noticed she was wandering alone and watched her. One stayed with her while the other went to report it to the lifeguards, arriving at the same moment I was arriving to report her missing.
So grateful. She could have ended up wandering up into the car park, or - it just doesn't bear thinking about. She'd got the full length of the beach though, before anyone stopped her. We were right over on one side, she had got right the way to the other side. Thank goodness those two ladies intervened. I never really even said a proper thank you either. I was so desperate to get her back to my sister - and when my BIL asked if I could point them out to him so he could say a proper thank you, I couldn't remember what they looked like. The moment just sort of overtook me.
If they happen to be reading this, thank you.

Always intervene because the alternative could be tragic.

Rachelover60 · 05/10/2019 18:09

You did nothing wrong, on the contrary you did everything right. Whatever anyone thought on first glance, they soon would have realised what had happened. Please try and put it behind you. It gave you a shock!

Honestly you only have to take your eyes off them for a second and kids disappear but usually they haven't gone far. Thank goodness you were there! The little boy could have run into the road and had an accident.

Phew Wine

73Sunglasslover · 05/10/2019 18:09

I think you did the right thing and were very considerate. I found a small girl crying in a crowd once on a parade day. She was around 3 or 4 I guess. I asked her if it was OK if I lifted her up so her parents could see her. She said yes, so I did and very quickly they returned. They were not in the least thankful! My assumption was that they were later but were initially just overcome with worry. I think if it was less crowded we would have been able to stay close enough to each other for them to actually say thank you. I assume they didn't think I was trying to abduct her. I held her pretty high. Would have been odd to do it I was trying to do a runner with her!

comfysocks8516 · 05/10/2019 18:13

Well done you absolutely did the right thing in a really difficult situation. You deserve a big glass of wine this evening! Xx

missbattenburg · 05/10/2019 18:21

all watching to ensure the little un stays safe and gets back to his mam.

This.

I would assume someone was trying to abduct the child if they ran off as soon as they attracted public attention. Not someone who stayed put, in plain sight. In this case, I would just be watching as an extra pair of eyes.

Grinchly · 05/10/2019 18:23

I am clueless about children, but I once saw one wandering out of a store in a shopping mall with no adult near.I sort of steered him back in and got a security guard, and his mother appeared shortly after.

I can never forget that footage of Jamie Bulger, so would always step in. I agree, harder for men.

Toadsrevisited · 05/10/2019 18:26

@babybythesea was it st Ives?

Drabarni · 05/10/2019 18:30

The passers by would be thinking like you are now. Would they have done the same? what would they have done? if they thought you did the right thing etc.
I doubt anyone was weighing up whether you had abducted the child or meant any harm.

TheSandman · 05/10/2019 18:38

On those occasions where parents have been cross or not said thank you to those who had helped reunite them with their child, I wonder if it is just the shock that makes them act that way?

shock with a heavy dose of guilt.

Noooodles · 05/10/2019 18:39

I agree it’s harder for men, it shouldn’t be though. I’d have done the same as you, keep them with you and alert the nearest security guard.

I saw a child maybe 4ish running around a supermarket car park years ago, he could have easily been run over so I grabbed him unceremoniously and took him into the supermarket. When I walked in the security guard bollocked me and said he’d been watching him “run amok” and did I have any idea how lucky I was he’d not been run over! He got it both barrels, I couldn’t believe he’d seen him and not bloody done anything! Turned out his mum lived across the road, she’d not even been shopping, the little monster had opened the front door and just run off. I’ve got a 4 year old now and the front door is ALWAYS locked!

GotOffThePlane · 05/10/2019 18:44

You did amazing well done. My DS (3yrs) has ASD and will blot like lightning but normally I watch him like a hawk.

A train conductor made me fold his buggy as the two other parents with small children in buggies had said their children were also disabled (could’ve been a coincidence but felt like bullshit)

When I was struggling to fold it down one handed he pulled away from me and shot off down the busy train that people were still getting on

Not one person helped to stop him. Even though I dropped the buggy and was frantically yelling “stop that little boy, don’t let him get off”. He was weaving under people’s legs and I was trapped rudely just shoving people out of the way. If he’d have reached the doors and I hadn’t, I would’ve been inconsolable Sad Thankfully my ill manners got me there in time.

We need people like you in the world OP Flowers

SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/10/2019 18:55

I've found a child in an Asda car park (toddler - tiny) - I waited with him while DH went for security and they took him. While we were loading the car up afterwards I saw woman frantically looking round and under cars etc and asked if she'd lost a little 'un. She had. It turned out that she'd left him asleep in the car with the window open while she "popped in" to the supermarket. He must have managed to get out of his car seat and climb out of the window - I'll bets he never does that again!

I've also found a one about 3 wandering crying in a department shop. I took him to the nearest till and left the staff to sort it.

But I agree that it's a weird feeling knowing that someone might think you're pinching their child.

BTW - I agree with your DH that it's harder for a man, just because people are more suspicious of blokes.

Hecateh · 05/10/2019 19:00

2 stories from years ago.

both early 1960s
On holiday my little brother 3 wandered off on a crowded beach. A man found him, bought him a lolly to stop him crying and walked along the prom with him on his shoulders so he was high enough. My parents who were going frantic quickly spotted him (Brother had bright ginger curly hair so relatively easy to spot.

On the other hand, I (7) was supposed to take my sister (5th birthday) home from school. When I went for her she wasn't there, someone said they saw her leave 30 minutes earlier, (she finished 30 mins before me) and thought someone else 'must' be picking her up. Luckily after a few minutes of panicked searching Mum rang to say she had arrived home on her own. This was 2 bus rides away - into town and out again (she had a bus pass). No-one even thought to question her. ... She said 'I'm 5 now, I'm big enough - and that was that - she made her own way home on 2 busses from then on.

BoggiesBonnieBelle · 05/10/2019 19:00

While driving I saw a boy sitting on the cycle path with his bike lying next to him. I pulled onto the verge and walked back to him. He would have been about ten. His trouser knee was torn and his knee was bleeding. His hand was bleeding, too. He was crying.

I asked him if I could fetch a parent. He shook his head. I asked if I could phone someone. He shook his head. I held out my mobile and asked if he wanted to phone someone. He finally spoke "I'm not allowed to speak to strangers and I'm not allowed to take anything from a stranger."

Fortunately someone he knew then came along cycling on the cycle path, but I have no idea what I could have done if they hadn't.

definitelyshouldknowbetter · 05/10/2019 19:05

@BoggiesBonnieBelle in a sense he was doing the right thing!

Rightly so we teach our children not to talk to strangers etc but the majority of people have good intentions

Marriedwithchildren5 · 05/10/2019 19:10

Also found a lost child. I only noticed because everyone was looking at him as they passed by. He was obviously distressed but not one person approached him. So well done op. It seems not everyone knows what to do.

Cant believe posters are actually having a dig! Aibu brings out the funniest of characters.

IsItMeYourLookingFor · 05/10/2019 19:17

Thank you for what you did! The feeling when you think you've lost them ...sick to the pit of my stomach. Thank God there are people like you who care Smile

Bowerbird5 · 05/10/2019 19:27

Actually years ago I found twins which were coming out of a small shopping mall towards a pedestrian area but cars for disabled people on one side and any cars, vans and delivery vans about 100yds away. I stopped them going further and said I would help them find their mum and we would go into a shop to do so. Mother with pram and granny started shouting at me.I was trying to explaining but they carried on even though the little girl about three said "But the lady was helping us find you." In the end I said "Mother and grandmother! Look after your bloody kids and walked off."

VenusTiger · 05/10/2019 19:37

The way people reacted towards you is exactly the same as the way you reacted towards the child: you put the child first and out of danger. Well done you!
I think sitting on the ground was also brilliant! It made you look as though you weren’t running off with him.
Great going @Totaldogsbody - go have that gin!