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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sell our house..?

331 replies

Cornberry · 04/10/2019 11:22

We are in a pickle and I desperately need some good advice.

Last December hubby and I bought our first house with help from parents and scraping everything we could. It was not in the area we wanted but we thought we’d adjust and eventually move our lives that direction (we live in London).
In January my daughter was unexpectedly accepted to a school close to where we used to live. We thought we would just deal with it but the commute has turned out to be a nightmare. Hour there and back each way. Impossible. No chance of me ever working. It’s about 7 miles away. In rush hour London it’s unbearable and there’s no transport near us.
Meanwhile I have been off work sick for a few months (I have MS) and I am now unexpectedly 10 weeks pregnant and suffering from extreme pregnancy sickness as I did with my first.
To cope we have had to move to my mum’s who lives closer to the school where my daughter started in September. There is no question that we want her to go there so that is not the issue.
My mum is unbearable and despite the fact that I’m staggering about vomiting she keeps making comments about how she needs her space etc. Basically we’re not welcome here and on top of my health problems the stress is a lot to take. Luckily a mum from school who lives round the corner is driving my daughter to school with her kids while I wait out the debilitating pregnancy sickness (which last time went until 30 weeks).
Meanwhile we are living out of bags and my amazing husband is working hard to stop my mum getting pissed off with us being here while looking after me and my daughter, but we need a solution. When baby no2 comes staying in our new house is out of the question. It’s a long commute for hubby too and I’m bound to relapse after giving birth (as I did last time) so we need to reorganise everything. Here is the problem. We can’t afford even a tiny flat nearer school and I can no longer get a mortgage due to reduced pay because of illness and now pregnancy. We thought the best option was to sell up and use our capital to pay rent for a few years while we hopefully find a way to improve our financial situation. My husband is a teacher and his salary doesn’t even cover rent for a two bed flat in the areas we need to be in to make school accessible. But people keep telling us it’s a mistake to sell and if we do we will never be able to buy again which is probably true. The area our house is in won’t bring much rent and after fees and tax it wouldn’t even cover the mortgage. Plus as we only just moved in it’s not currently fit to let and we have no time or money to do anything to it. Does anyone have any advice? We have no idea what to do and despite being sick I think it’s important to address this before the next baby arrives.

OP posts:
Nowthereistwo · 04/10/2019 11:33

Can you get your dd into a school near your new house? If she has just started it shouldn't be too disruptive for her and definitely less than your current situation

GherkinTherapy · 04/10/2019 11:42

I have to say, I can understand why your mum may not especially want your whole family living with her, particularly if she has given you money towards your own place. I think, although I know this isn't what you want, you need to move into your own house and move your daughter to a local school. It would be an incredible waste of money to spend the proceeds of your house sale on rent, also you'd have to give the parents their money back, they gave that to you to spend on buying a house, not to blow on rent.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 04/10/2019 11:45

Move schools. Seems to be the only logical option tbh.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 04/10/2019 11:46

Did you apply to current school before you moved? You must be out of catchment now?

OrchidInTheSun · 04/10/2019 11:47

Here's my advice. Move your daughter to a school near your house.

Original poster
Cornberry · 04/10/2019 11:47

We have decided that the school is the main factor. That’s for definite. And we aren’t living with her, we are staying here temporarily while I am too sick to drive 30 miles a day to take my daughter to school. We are occupying a spare room and doing our damnedest to keep out of her way. I don’t think it’s a big stretch to expect that when one of your children is really sick and in a bind that you should have them stay with you for a few weeks. Not to mention that she’s away on holiday a lot, she has plenty of space for us, and also my mum absolutely wants my daughter to go to this school.

OP posts:
BarrenFieldofFucks · 04/10/2019 11:49

It is still a big ask. You, (being sick a lot), a child and a husband in one room. Of course it would be nice if she helped, as she is doing, but she doesn't have to love it.

The school is the issue...change it.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 04/10/2019 11:51

My parents would absolutely want any deposit back. I really can't believe you are thinking about blowing house equity on tent to avoid changing schools. She's only been there a few weeks

blue25 · 04/10/2019 11:51

I’m not surprised your mum is miffed TBH.

Why did you buy a house in an area where you don’t like the schools?

PotteringAlong · 04/10/2019 11:52

Move schools. It’s ridiculous to do that commute and to sell your house for a school. Honestly, you’re making life harder here than it needs to be.

Mosaic123 · 04/10/2019 11:53

I don't suppose your Mum would swap houses with you would she? Perhaps for a year to help you to sort out your situation.

Alwaysgrey · 04/10/2019 11:53

What was wrong with the schools near to your new house?

PullingMySocksUp · 04/10/2019 11:54

7 miles seems a very long way.
Could you move to somewhere easier to get to the school? So on a tube/bus route? But moving won’t happen overnight.
Have you looked into other schools near where your house is? There must be one that’s kind of near that’s ok?

Cohle · 04/10/2019 11:56

I really think you need to move your DD's school.

Your mother is perfectly within her rights not to want you all staying with her. You sound pretty entitled about it to be honest.

I'm not entirely clear about how you found yourself in this situation. Did you apply for schools before you moved? Why didn't you consider the local schools when looking at houses - especially if your DH is a teacher?

Lightsabre · 04/10/2019 11:58

Another one for move schools or move much further away to a cheaper area with good schools nearby? As a teacher, your dh will be able to find a job easily I would imagine? Which part of London are you in? I'm sure people on here could suggest alternative areas.

notangelinajolie · 04/10/2019 12:02

I think you need to go home. And get your daughter into a school near your home. I'm sorry you are unwell but really - you have a home and you should go and live in it. I'm not surprised your mum is annoyed.

IScreamForIceCreams · 04/10/2019 12:05

I think the least disruptive change is here to change schools.

Minioooons · 04/10/2019 12:07

what was your plan with the school going to be? it doesn't make sense that you bought yet wasnt intending her to go to a school near the new house? sounds like a stressful situation all round.

Letthemysterybe · 04/10/2019 12:07

You say that she was unexpectedly accepted into that school. So
You must have thought she would be going to a school near your new home. What is wrong with that school now? The school she has been accepted into may be ‘better’, but if it causes this much hassle how can it be worth it? You bought your house assuming that your life would be based in that community and your children would
Go to school there, so just go ahead with that!

IsobelRae23 · 04/10/2019 12:08

You need to go home and move her schools. No school is worth this much hassle and loss of money.

Original poster
Cornberry · 04/10/2019 12:10

Thanks for your advice. A couple of things. My my isn’t really the issue, so although I appreciate your thoughts on her entitlement to be cross, it’s not really what I was asking. I don’t want to live with her, I just don’t want to be bullied while I’m here and sick for a few weeks. Anyway the main thing I said was we don’t want to change schools. It’s a foreign school and it’s the only one and we didn’t think we had a hope in hell of getting her in that’s why we moved away. My mother is determined that my daughter should go there, and it was her who encouraged us to move to an area we didn’t really like, which is why it’s so perverse that she’s being so unkind now. Anyway thanks but as I said change schools is not an option.

OP posts:
IsobelRae23 · 04/10/2019 12:10

You obviously know the area, to know what rush hour traffic is like. Dc is at a school 6 miles away and I know that during rush hour, school traffic, that normal time increases by three.

Since2016 · 04/10/2019 12:11

This is daft. Why did you apply for a school that far away? 7 miles in London is FAR!

lboogy · 04/10/2019 12:11

Change schools. Yes it would be nice if your mum could help but you're asking her to take in your whole family. She's obviously gotten used to her own space and now you come back home with an additional 2 people. Not to mention the reason you're back is because of something you can change.

No school is so bad that your child won't learn. Move her back to the school closer to your house and support her with after school or additional education support: with a husband as a teacher you're in a better position to provider extra tutoring than many other people.

Bluntness100 · 04/10/2019 12:12

Clearly you need to change your daughters school., it's not feasible for you to live in the catchment. You both need to reassess your decision. You have another child on the way and uou cant prioritise the school over everyone else's living conditions, that's nuts.

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