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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sell our house..?

331 replies

Cornberry · 04/10/2019 11:22

We are in a pickle and I desperately need some good advice.

Last December hubby and I bought our first house with help from parents and scraping everything we could. It was not in the area we wanted but we thought we’d adjust and eventually move our lives that direction (we live in London).
In January my daughter was unexpectedly accepted to a school close to where we used to live. We thought we would just deal with it but the commute has turned out to be a nightmare. Hour there and back each way. Impossible. No chance of me ever working. It’s about 7 miles away. In rush hour London it’s unbearable and there’s no transport near us.
Meanwhile I have been off work sick for a few months (I have MS) and I am now unexpectedly 10 weeks pregnant and suffering from extreme pregnancy sickness as I did with my first.
To cope we have had to move to my mum’s who lives closer to the school where my daughter started in September. There is no question that we want her to go there so that is not the issue.
My mum is unbearable and despite the fact that I’m staggering about vomiting she keeps making comments about how she needs her space etc. Basically we’re not welcome here and on top of my health problems the stress is a lot to take. Luckily a mum from school who lives round the corner is driving my daughter to school with her kids while I wait out the debilitating pregnancy sickness (which last time went until 30 weeks).
Meanwhile we are living out of bags and my amazing husband is working hard to stop my mum getting pissed off with us being here while looking after me and my daughter, but we need a solution. When baby no2 comes staying in our new house is out of the question. It’s a long commute for hubby too and I’m bound to relapse after giving birth (as I did last time) so we need to reorganise everything. Here is the problem. We can’t afford even a tiny flat nearer school and I can no longer get a mortgage due to reduced pay because of illness and now pregnancy. We thought the best option was to sell up and use our capital to pay rent for a few years while we hopefully find a way to improve our financial situation. My husband is a teacher and his salary doesn’t even cover rent for a two bed flat in the areas we need to be in to make school accessible. But people keep telling us it’s a mistake to sell and if we do we will never be able to buy again which is probably true. The area our house is in won’t bring much rent and after fees and tax it wouldn’t even cover the mortgage. Plus as we only just moved in it’s not currently fit to let and we have no time or money to do anything to it. Does anyone have any advice? We have no idea what to do and despite being sick I think it’s important to address this before the next baby arrives.

OP posts:
IsobelRae23 · 04/10/2019 12:12

How will you manage it you are driving for the next two years with a screaming baby and toddler, there and back twice a day? 4 hours a day for a little one to be in a car seat? How are you going to manage that?

Napqueen1234 · 04/10/2019 12:12

There is literally no other solution than to move your child’s school. No school can be that good. Your mum is taking on an awful lot and it’s not sustainable to stay there I think you’re all being a bit weird pandering to your first child’s school at the detriment to every other area of your life!

Bluntness100 · 04/10/2019 12:14

What's your daughters school choice got to do with your mother! It's your and your husbands call. Not hers. You can't afford to liveninnthe catchment, and you can't all live in your mum's house, so you need to change the school

just2comment · 04/10/2019 12:14

Move schools! Dear god your an adult with your own home no wonder your mum is fed up.

sugarbum · 04/10/2019 12:14

I think then you have answered your own question OP.
You will not change schools. You have clearly made your mind up.
You therefore need to sell your house and rent near the school if it won't bring in enough rental to cover your mortgage

Whatthefoxgoingon · 04/10/2019 12:15

Nope sorry. Moving schools is the clear solution. I’d be pissed off of a grown child of mine with a perfectly good home of their own decided they were now going to live at my house again. Utterly unreasonable.

Reallybadidea · 04/10/2019 12:15

I think you need to consider long and hard whether this school is really, really worth the disruption to all your lives. It would have to be pretty compelling I think.

If it is, then have you considered trying to find someone who you could pay to do the school run for you? Or pre/after school care which would mean that you could do the journey outside of rush hour which would hopefully be quicker?

Flowers it must be hard trying to work out what to do for the best when you're feeling so rough.

OrchidInTheSun · 04/10/2019 12:17

We can’t afford even a tiny flat nearer school and I can no longer get a mortgage due to reduced pay because of illness and now pregnancy. We thought the best option was to sell up and use our capital to pay rent for a few years while we hopefully find a way to improve our financial situation. My husband is a teacher and his salary doesn’t even cover rent for a two bed flat in the areas we need to be in to make school accessible.

You cannot afford to even rent a flat in the area you want to live in. You cannot afford for your daughter to go to the school. The End.

And I think you're crazy bringing another baby into the mix to be honest. You don't want advice, you want a magic money tree.

eeksville · 04/10/2019 12:17

I agree you need to change schools. It may be an excellent school but surely nothing is worth this massive upheaval? How are you going to manage play dates or activities after school or during school such as reading & plays?

London has an excellent number of primaries so there must be one closer to you.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/10/2019 12:17

You are being way too precious over a primary school....seriously move school and have an easier, better quality of life!

sugarbum · 04/10/2019 12:17

oh I just read the bit about you don't earn enough to rent near the school.
Then you don't actually have any choice do you? unless there is somewhere in the other direction (opposite side of London) which is still not close and is more affordable, but has an easier commute

BarrenFieldofFucks · 04/10/2019 12:17

Deal with the commute then tbh. You'll need wraparound care when you return to work, and childcare for the baby. Then save save save to try to move in the future. Honestly, stepping off the ladder now just seems crazy.

But, I would move schools.

chamenanged · 04/10/2019 12:18

You're being unbelievably selfish and short sighted. How awful for your mum.

Tensixtysix · 04/10/2019 12:19

Why are the school not offering to pay for a taxi?
It would be madness to sell your house because of a school catchment area.
All of this will pass soon. You need to suck it up in the meantime.
Makes me laugh when you are all saying 7 miles is far away.
My local shop is over 10 miles away and some kids go to school a 2 hour bus ride away out here in the shires.

eeksville · 04/10/2019 12:19

Move somewhere outside of London with good schools?

Surely any benefits of the school will be outweighed by your DD having a daily 2 hr commute?

eeksville · 04/10/2019 12:20

Why are the school not offering to pay for a taxi?

?

Whatthefoxgoingon · 04/10/2019 12:21

Wow, there’s enormous consensus on this thread.

Tensixtysix · 04/10/2019 12:21

...and to think, so many people in London would love to have even a bedsit...

OrchidInTheSun · 04/10/2019 12:21

Why would the school pay for a taxi @tensixtysix? There are schools closer to the OP's house but they're English primaries and she wants her child to go the French Lycee (I'm assuming that's what it is).

And 7 miles in London is not like 7 miles in the sticks.

Whitejasmine · 04/10/2019 12:22

You seem to have two options then:

  1. Move dds school (but you say you don’t want to)
  2. Move nearer to the school (but you say you can’t)
  3. Ask your mum if dd can stay with her mon-fri and do the school run until your feeling better (sounds like she probably won’t do this though)

Not sure what else can be done. You seem to want to have your cake and eat it!
Hopefully when your morning sickness passes you will be in a better headspace for doing the school run if that’s what you decide is your only option. I wouldn’t fancy 7 miles across London for x years though!

Tensixtysix · 04/10/2019 12:23

@eeksville. If your school is more than 2 miles away you are entitled to a school bus place or a taxi.
Or does that not happen in London?

HugoSpritz · 04/10/2019 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Clangus00 · 04/10/2019 12:24

You know the answer deep down OP. Move back to your home with your family and move your daughter to a local school.
Your current situation doesn’t work...for anyone.
Sometimes we need to let dreams go for practicality sake. Sorry.

Nattyjackie · 04/10/2019 12:24

Cut yout cloth to fit your coat. You can't afford to live in the same area therefore you cannot afford that school. As much as its a dream school you've got to think about the welfare of the entire family. You are not doing the right thing as a parent to be so tunnel visioned.

Send her to the local school and get a tutor if it bothers you that much.

Btw I think you are sounding quite entitled as to what your mum should be doing for you and laying the blame on her for decisions you and your husband made. You made choices you need to own them. You chose to buy a house in that area and you also chose to get pregnant knowing how it impacted you last time. Time to reassess and take control of your family's wellbeing.

user1494670108 · 04/10/2019 12:26

You need to change schools.
You cant afford to live near the school you want and also you may not (probably not) get your second child into the same school, how much harder will life be then?

I think you are being very self-centred and dismissive of your mum. You need a reality check - what's a foreign school anyway. Have you actually looked at the schools where you live?

As long as you insist that you must only use the current school your situation is untenable and nobody on here can change that for you