Sell our house..?

[Cornberry]

We are in a pickle and I desperately need some good advice.

Last December hubby and I bought our first house with help from parents and scraping everything we could. It was not in the area we wanted but we thought we’d adjust and eventually move our lives that direction (we live in London).
In January my daughter was unexpectedly accepted to a school close to where we used to live. We thought we would just deal with it but the commute has turned out to be a nightmare. Hour there and back each way. Impossible. No chance of me ever working. It’s about 7 miles away. In rush hour London it’s unbearable and there’s no transport near us.
Meanwhile I have been off work sick for a few months (I have MS) and I am now unexpectedly 10 weeks pregnant and suffering from extreme pregnancy sickness as I did with my first.
To cope we have had to move to my mum’s who lives closer to the school where my daughter started in September. There is no question that we want her to go there so that is not the issue.
My mum is unbearable and despite the fact that I’m staggering about vomiting she keeps making comments about how she needs her space etc. Basically we’re not welcome here and on top of my health problems the stress is a lot to take. Luckily a mum from school who lives round the corner is driving my daughter to school with her kids while I wait out the debilitating pregnancy sickness (which last time went until 30 weeks).
Meanwhile we are living out of bags and my amazing husband is working hard to stop my mum getting pissed off with us being here while looking after me and my daughter, but we need a solution. When baby no2 comes staying in our new house is out of the question. It’s a long commute for hubby too and I’m bound to relapse after giving birth (as I did last time) so we need to reorganise everything. Here is the problem. We can’t afford even a tiny flat nearer school and I can no longer get a mortgage due to reduced pay because of illness and now pregnancy. We thought the best option was to sell up and use our capital to pay rent for a few years while we hopefully find a way to improve our financial situation. My husband is a teacher and his salary doesn’t even cover rent for a two bed flat in the areas we need to be in to make school accessible. But people keep telling us it’s a mistake to sell and if we do we will never be able to buy again which is probably true. The area our house is in won’t bring much rent and after fees and tax it wouldn’t even cover the mortgage. Plus as we only just moved in it’s not currently fit to let and we have no time or money to do anything to it. Does anyone have any advice? We have no idea what to do and despite being sick I think it’s important to address this before the next baby arrives.

Some people regard religious schools as foreign schools. I think the op has flounce off but she's not answered some questions:

Who is paying for the school fee?
Why does her mother have so much influence?
Why did she apply to the school if she was moving to another area?

I suspect op wont be back given her last posts.

I grew up in a London suburb and then moved to commuter towns in the home counties, although I now live in the middle of nowhere. It feels very different living here compared to the other places. London and Surrey especially seem to have this competitiveness and I have friends who talk about making sacrifices for their children's education without realising the huge impact on family life and subsequently their children.

One has actually spilt up with their partner which has made it even more complicated as they're having to sell the family home and have no chance of buying even where they are now, let alone closer to the school.

I feel for you OP, you’re in a tough situation and it must be hard to see the wood for the trees.

Your daughter going to this school is obviously something you really want to happen. You seem to have all sorts of hopes pinned on it and are prepared to risk your whole families well being for it, it must be an amazing school.

Sometimes I’m life you really need to take a good step back and try and look at your situation from the outside. Your daughter is 4, barely more than a baby, she doesn’t care what school she is at. Also at her age a school move won’t affect her and she’ll settle in quickly wherever she goes.

You’re pregnant again, and you say this is a fee paying school. Can you afford the second set of fees when you younger child starts, remembering that your dds fees will likely be considerably higher by then? If not then take your money and run now.

You have your own house, where you could
provide a stable life for your family. Your daughter could have local friends and you could walk her to school. Also looking to the future for you, you could adapt your own house to meet your changing needs. Why would you want to cram yourselves into an unsuitable tiny flat, which wouldn’t even be in the ideal location? You’d be paying through the nose for your family to live in miserable conditions. What about when you have two teenagers in your tiny flat? I can tell you now that my dds would rather have their own space and go to the local comp than have to live in a cramped flat, sharing a room, but have the privilege of attending a fee paying school.

I’m sure the school is great and in your ideal world it’s the education you’d like your children to have. But sometimes we have to just do the best we can with the hand we are dealt. Go back to your house and find a local school your dd will like, forget about this school, be happy, make local friends and enjoy your family. Life doesn’t have to be this stressful.

You aren't prepared to move your daughter out of school yet you can't afford to live in that area.

You can't afford to buy a home there or even rent a tiny flat.

You couldn't even afford to buy the house you now have (which won't be suitable when your 2nd baby comes along) without help from family.

I'm pretty sure your family helped out so that you got onto the property ladder and won't be impressed if you fritter your equity away on rent. If you do sell and don't re-invest that money in buying another home, I suggest you return that money to your family.

You are being totally immature in not having a plan for what you will do when your money runs out if you sell your home and use the equity to rent where your DD goes to school. You are just kicking your problem further down the line. Do you take her out of that school and away from her friends in a few years?

You need to be realistic. Your DD simply cannot go to her current school, however much you may wish her to.

If you won't be able to live in your new home once your 2nd child is born, and letting if out won't cover a mortgage nearer to your child's present school, then you will have to sell the house.

The most sensible option is to sell your home and move to a cheaper area that you can afford and your child will have to go to school there.
(Not what you want to hear or do but life is full of compromises).

Also, your mum isn't being unkind. It must be very difficult for her to suddenly have an additional 3 people in her home.

Are you claiming everything you are entitled to? Does having MS qualify you for PIP and, if so, are you in receipt of the correct level of it as you won't be able to work again?

@Tensixtysix

"Why are the school not offering to pay for a taxi?"
Why would or should a school do this?

I also feel sorry for the Father in all of this.

Teaching is a hard job with lots of work outside of school hours. How is he coping with this and the commute? Not to mention the jobs he does at your Mother's house and looking after you and dd.
I would watch that he doesn't break from it.

Your dd will be burdened with the huge pressure and expectation that will be placed on her due to the huge sacrifice you will make.

You say that your dm did the same. Do you not think that your "complex" relationship with your mother has something to do with this?

Well, regarding religious schools as ‘foreign’ is racist. I bet people don’t regard Catholic or CoE schools as ‘foreign’.

Yes, but naming the school itself may be outing, I have a strong feeling OP has disguised the nature of the school by simply referring to it as foreign in her post.
All besides the point, of course, but OP, you've now received 13 pages of sage advice after desperately seeking it. Good luck with the next decade plus of your 14 mile school run.

Forget the primary, you can speak the language at home, sorted. Move to the French secondary in Wembley when she’s 10, considerably cheaper than near South Ken.

I know the op has gone but perhaps still reading?
OP I went to private school and it came with sacrifices in the name of a good education. I enjoyed my school experience and I'm thankful for much of it however for me the sacrifices were too great!
I lived in a much smaller house than many of my friends as all our money went to fees and not a big mortgage etc I was embarrassed having friends over and constantly felt like I didn't really fit -something which would be a greater pressure nowadays than when I was younger.
As people traveled from all over our large city to attend I didn't have local friends so missed out on local play dates and then teenage parties and hangouts as we didn't live too near other students
I got my education but I missed out socially in many ways.
I have a child your daughter's age and despite my mother pressuring me to send her to a private or language school I have opted for the local school in the hopes that she will get a rounded education and school with lots of support at home but also a better social experience setting her up with life skills.
I know you think the school isn't up for debate but I do urge you to think from all angles.
Good luck whatever you decide

Maybe the answer OP is looking for is:

Yes you should sell your house and rent for a few months whilst the building work for making a granny annex is going on at your mum's. She can live in the Annex (as she isn't around all the time) and you can live in the main house with your family.

Although if you suggest this to her, she probably won't speak to you again...

sleepersloth your post is exactly the reason I think OP should consider and at least go and have a look at the local school. It maybe hideous but it maybe great. At least cover all your options. It’s also the reason I don’t think private education is the be all and end all, turning out well rounded, social children with good friendships is just as important in my opinion.

OP asked a question - the question mark in the subject is a dead give away.

Should they sell their (barely affordable) house? You know, the one that is not a fit state to be rented.
OP said she was looking for some good advice.
OP received loads of good advice.
OP disregarded the good advice and the direct answers to her question. No, she should not sell her house. That would be dumb.
OP, rather than giving any additional information decided to concentrate her responses to a small number of silly comments and invested in responding to comments she perceived as being snobby.
OP has a chip on her shoulder.
IF.... and I mean IF, OP has been in the least bit honest in any of her posts, she is not running her life in the interests of her child or any one else. She is merely trying to emulate her mother. This is peculiar considering her opinion of her mother.
If think OP is about as genuine as a D&G bag in a Thai market.

Never mind high earner, your mum’s sacrifices don’t seem to have paid off and given you any common sense either

You’re not really making a sacrifice for your children’s education - they are. A 15 year commute, no ability to make local friends, long hours of travel, living in a pokey flat. Etc etc etc

You’ve made silly decisions, and you’re very short sighted. Own it, move wherever you want to, and stop arguing with the sensible people around you.

I don’t think that you are listening to others well meant advice. I your situation there is really only one option and that IS to move schools. What does your DH think?

*In

Whilst the majority of parents value their childs education most don't live beyond their means!
You simpley can't afford the lifestyle you feel entitled to.

You would be completely insane to sell your house for the sake of a school. You'll not get back on the property ladder again. And I'd be absolutely furious if I had helped you financially and you did that. I'm not surprised your mum isn't happy with you all living with her. You e got your own house. Go and live in it! Move your daughter into a local school.

I'm afraid this whole plan sounds ridiculous. A pokey flat with two kids all die a school which you have no guarantee your children will enjoy.
Sounds absolutely miserable.

All FOR a school not die, apologies

I think it would probably be best to find a new school for your daughter, more local to your current home

Can't mum move into your new house?

I can't RTFT, I'm already annoyed.

OP YABVVU. Your poor mum must be feeling completely trapped and overwhelmed in her own home.

Either find a decent school nearby or one of you needs to get a significantly better paid job so you can afford to move.

Those are your only realistic solutions.